Surefire ways to get a job
 

Now that I'm an unemployed bum, tell me the best tricks for finding a job (not!).

If there's a photo of the interviewer's family on the desk, be sure to mention how hot they are, and how you'd "hit it". Especially the little dog. This shows "out of the box" thinking, which bosses love.

Are you asking the interviewer to scratch your balls or his? The fate of the entire planet depends on your answer.

Mine. I thought that was obvious! :D

As for the Lord of the Rings answer, I actually did that yesterday. First on Encore East, then on Encore West.

Remember to wax poetic about your appreciation of the finer things in life;

And ask if Medicinal Marijuana is covered under the companies drug plan...

oooh a brogue is sexy... combine that with drunkenness and you're in like flynn.... do ya have red hair? BOR thinks redheads are really hot!! :D

Always sport your finest erection to your interview. It will demonstrate that you are a confident individual, and a "hard" worker.

Wrong! I don't...think. I know. ;)

Scour fuckedcompany.com for dirt on the company. Ask them to confirm or deny everything.

Ask if they have a fast net, and if it's okay to bring friends in after-hours.

In group interviews, nod or wink to any minorities while espousing your views on equal opportunity employment.

Should your leisure interests come up, use it as a chance to mention fishing, which is also something enjoyed by your uncle the Labor Attorney.

dude.........i figure if you start out w/ the wobbly pops,then slowly progress through this amazing list you have,you're bound to have at least something come up.


good luck man.


*opens wobbly pop for poppinjays good fortune*

I've always enjoyed cursing endlessly at people whether they've rejected me or not. Ya fuckin bastard!

Oh yeah, I forgot to add that being drunk does helps an awful lot with the cursing. Prick.

No No No No No..

You have a disability -- you have tourettes syndrome ... you can't help yourself.. (least that's my excuse in the airport when i feel the need to go off on the red jackets :)

That's brilliant!! Now...you fall under the Americans with Disabilities Act. They have to hire you...or face legal action. And, you get to curse out the "boss" any damn time you feel like it. Win win.

I've let all you fuckers in on my master plan... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.. :) andfuck

I love it when girls talk dirty to me....

And we wonder why mal isn't in the 'fuck' thread.
She expends it all in other threads! :D

ya mean that thread's not about the actual act - just the word? I figggered if I went in there i'd be depressed... :(

Oh yeah - -on to this topic...

Pick a tagent and just start talking about whatever pops into your head -- topic? we don't need no stinkin' topic... talk about what YOU want to talk about - it's all about you remember? and this company would be damn lucky tohave you - -make sure you tell them that... :) tell 'em I told you --everyone knows me.. :)

Oh man, listen to yourselves. And you're calling ME disabled. Fuckers!

you could use TFP as a reference.. when they ask for who in particular.. tell 'em to just start a thread - -people will respond to anything - :lol:

yeah poppinjay...........tell'em how disabled of a guy joe is.......they won't fuck with him,and you'll be dialed in.

we got 'em, pj...

I have two back to back job interviews next week. And they called and asked before I even had a chance to get drunk.

Now I'll have to practice the brogue and the off topic discssion. "I was a wee lad from down the lanes of Limerick, but they all said I had the odd manner of my pa, from county Toome. I like floury white potatas and worshippin' our Lard."

scratch scratch

Actually, if you speak only in limerick, that would benefit you as well.

"I'm here to learn of your job,
because the previous git was a slob,
he'd kick and he'd scream,
at every machine,
and then would play with his corn cob."

If they ask you about your relevant experience:

"I have no experience like that,
except that I did it to my cat,
she bent over one day,
to get out of the way,
and felt my John Thomas so fat."

I think this is working pretty well......

Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.


People think you are an idiot when you look at your computer screen when you are writing code and laugh out loud, especially when you don't have a particularly quiet giggle. The code just isn't that funny.

you could laugh for no good reason... :)

Bring a gun to the interview and make the interviewer "an offer he can't refuse". Just saw The Godfather last night for about the 15th time. Worked for them.

Or do an al pacino in scarface and introduce them to your little friend :)

This is So F-in funny! Particularly because I've recently requested my co-workers to communicate to me only in haiku...and that's how I've started communicating with them.

Server lights flash bright
Networks crash and burn like leaves
Free time to clean desks