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Old 04-26-2005, 12:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: somewhere
~job description~ *advertisement*

> Bogged down by that 9-to-5 job?
> Experiencing a constant depression?
> Feel like you're not accomplishing anything?


Well, all that can change, if you take our 30-day course on.....

HOW TO BECOME SATAN!

That's right, you can be the owner of one of the "hottest" jobs around, and
have a great time, too! Being the Lord Of Flies is a job with many
responsibilities, but with this great offer, you can soon be on your way to
controlling the bleak land of eternal torment!

Look at some of the perks that await you....

* Sending nubile young virgins to their death, for NO other reason than for
sexual playthings in an orgy that lasts FOREVER!

* Having NO worries or threats of unions, dethronement, bills, or plumbing
in your new occupation!

* Meeting famous people like: Sen. Joe McCarthy, Jim Morrison, Idi Amin,
and Paul Castellano!

* Entering the mortal world at will and making deals with unsuspecting
schmucks, and taking it ALL AWAY at a predetermined time, to gain control of
their souls! (Satisfied Customers include Adolf Hitler and Donald Mannes)

* Imagine the feeling when you dress up in a red tuxedo, and welcome your new
"Guests" with IMPUNITY and PRIDE that you are SCARING THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM!

In Hell, there won't be any sexual diseases like the dreaded AIDS, because
everyone'll already be dead! You can be as cruel as you want, because you
WILL BE BEEZLEBUB, and nobody can refuse you!

If what we've just described to you sounds like a dream come true, then WRITE
NOW, and order your new RONCO SATAN HOME COURSE kit today!

But that's not all! If you order within the next week, we'll include a FREE
TABLEWARE SET that will match any occasion you come up with!


So order today! And remember, "Anyone can be a devil, but it takes a special
something to be the King of Darkness!"


Send $999.99 (check or money order) to:

Ron-Co Satan Home Course
666 Eternal Damnation Avenue
Death Valley, CA 12533
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~my karma ran over my dogma.~
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: antioch IL
mmm'kay...

1. Pensions?
2. The catch?
3. Do I have to room with Hades, Nerull, Hel or Vol?
__________________
there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and my way, which is the wrong way faster.
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Old 04-26-2005, 06:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
Fly's Avatar
 
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
1st of all..........I am the lord of flies......

2nd of all......

9 to 5?????

wtf is that????


the hours us scumbag roofers put in......(weather permiting)...is fuckin' stupid!!!!

spring,summer,fall,......(hay/sunshine,you know the deal)....winters off baby.........

ohhh.....and by the way.......according to some people on this site....I AM SATAN!!!!!


*ain't that right joe?*
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SterlingStudios
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Old 04-27-2005, 03:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
through charlatans phone
 
paddyjoe's Avatar
 
Location: Northcoast
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyman
....I AM SATAN!!!!!


*ain't that right joe?*
I suppose more than one person has refered to Satan as a 'big dick'..................
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Old 04-27-2005, 04:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
 
Bill O'Rights's Avatar
 
Location: In the dust of the archives
Shouldn't the cost of that course be $666.00?
__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.
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Old 04-27-2005, 01:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
Lost
 
Munku's Avatar
 
Location: Florida
I'm Satans nephew, Beezlebub!
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Old 04-27-2005, 01:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
All hail the Mountain King
 
the_marq's Avatar
 
Location: Black Mesa
Who is this "Stan character anyway?
__________________
The Truth:

Johnny Cash could have kicked Bruce Lee's ass if he wanted to.

#3 in a series
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