Giant Hamburger's deepest, darkest secret (and no it isn't his sauce)
 

Attention Citizens!!!

It has recently come to my attention that a member of the TFP...
one Giant Hamburger is hiding something. Many at TFP believe
Giant Hamburger to be a funny if somewhat odd addition to
our online communtiy. We laugh at his drawings and clever posts.

The truth is more than any one of us can bear alone...

Giant Hamburger has been roaming this earth for centuries, slaking his
insurmountable thirst on the blood of the innocent.

Giant Hamburger is none other than Vlad the Impaler!!!!!


THE EVIDENCE

Giant Hamburger...

http://img64.photobucket.com/albums/...r/DSCN1420.jpg

Vlad the Impaler...
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/vlad2.jpg

For those who do not know, Vlad the Impaler is often cited
as the real life inspiration for Bram Stoker's Count Dracula...


While the physical similarity is uncanny and should be enough
to convince even the most skeptical of the TFP... There is more!

The mighty Giant Hamburger appears to be taunting us in this thread
when he posted this picture in answer to the question,
"Who is YOUR celebrity look-a-like?"
http://hemsidor.torget.se/users/b/bo...es/dracula.gif


Can there be any question that we have an immortal among us?


Please move this post to Paranoia if you feel it is more appropriate.

*la la la I can't hear you*

I must support GH, and hereby dedicate this song excerpt to him in tribute:

Redlemon... be careful... if you notice yourself with an urge eat insects or moan like Tom Waits...

Get help.

Hail Charlatan!

You talk too much.
I would like to cordially extend an invitation to you and your family to come visit me in my remote castle.
You need not pack as everything you need will be provided.
I will send my Carriage over this evening.
Do not speak to the driver.

Sincerely,
-GH

But the photograph is taken in broad daylight.

He must be very, very powerful to be able to withstand the devastating effects of sunlight.

Charlatan, I'd drop this subject if I were you. Speak no more his name. If he can withstand daylight, he can withstand anything.

In fact, I'm somewhat wary of associating myself with this thread.

I've been doing battle against GH for centuries. I found out the hard way. If you can't beat them join them.

Do NOT click on this Link

*pouts*

GH didn't appreciate my tribute song.

I will reward you Redlemon.
Your loyalty is not taken lightly.
Come, let us embrace.

I thought everyone already knew about the GH/Vlad thing, i guess i just clued in a long time ago.

in regards to the Q at hand........and this is from a very reliable source.......GH,the entity we all love and adore,......is fond of the shallot........i know,i know....little in size but huge on taste.

he admires the tiny shallot as if it were his own kin.

the man is loyal..........he must be aspired to.

the shallot is a good thing GH.........run with it my friend......run with it.

Our favourite burgernaut has powerful allies.

http://img216.exs.cx/img216/2689/gh10fp.jpg

Dear Giant "Vlad" Hamburger

I am afraid that my family and I will not be able to answer your kind summons to join you. In the words of Luke Skywalker, "I'll never join you!"

Fearing the worst, I bundled my family into the car last night and moved them to a new location. You will not find us. And if you do, we are prepared. We have been watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and we know our stuff.

From the posts above, I see that the situation is worse than I thought. It seems that many of the TFP are already held in thrall or living in fear of reprisal and that your power reaches even to the heart of the U.N.

I fear that soon no place will truly be safe.

Sincerely,

Charlatan

Goodman Charlatan,

I have replaced all of your garlic with shallots.
Now I really must get back to my morning briefings.
We'll keep in touch.
-GH

You missed some...

http://www.peeron.com/pics/inv/custpics/3068bpx42.jpg

This Shallot? Notice the size of his moustache...
http://www.howardschatz.com/portfoli...rtrait/036.jpg

Notice the size of his moustache....
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/vlad2.jpg


This is not right. Something is dangerously wrong here.

Maybe you've been wrong all along, Charlatan! Perhaps Gene Shallot is Vlad the Impaler, aka Dracula! GH was merely a pawn in Vlad's master plan! Egads!! I shall forever mourn the loss of GH as we knew him. His blood tainted now with the blood of a thousand undead souls. Will his name change now to Giant Tartare?

I confess I was impregnated by GH's horde of spaceburger seeds while traveling one night along the backroads of E. Texas.
I'm a little bit ashamed, but I no longer have free will where my body is concerned.
They have seized all but the furthermost corner of my existence which only allows me free rein up to a point. This is what I've opted to do with my freedom.
I need to warn you, my friends, that GH is coming!!

I am about to give birth to 45 juicy little burglets that will reinforce His Majesty's all-conquering army.....


....bye.....

A view from Fremen's "birth canal" in orbit...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...rgerattack.jpg

Attention Citizens!

Thank you to those who have forwarded messages
wishing me and my family well.

Last night as I was tucking the little Charlatans into bed
I heard a scratching sound at the door. The dastardly shallots have
been once more replaced with garlic and seem to be doing their job.

Nonetheless I spent the night guarding the door with a crossbow
in one hand and bar-b-que tongs in the other. I don't know if
I can handle another sleepless night. Running by day and
guarding by night.

Will there ever be an end to this madness?

Yours from the Underground

Charlatan

So when are we having a cookout at GH's castle?

Wow...certainly gives new meaning to the 'In-n-Out' burger.

Here is his Non-Corporeal form floating in the Ether:

http://www.superstarwebmaster.com/bu...lly_burger.jpg

BEWARE:
the almighty catsup is quietly watching, listening & making notes...
<img src="http://www.catsupbottle.com/images/catsupinthecloudsthumb.jpg">

It occurs to me that the very best hamburger, present company excluded of course is ground steak. Surely ground would be the preferred way for the legion of the undead to take their stake. Circumstantial, but men have hung for less.

<i>He lives beyond the grace of god, a wanderer in the outer darkness. He is undead, wampyr, nosferatu. These do not die like the bee after the first sting, but grow strong once infected by the blood of another nosferatu.</i>

nice.............i'm likin' this Top..........


ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GH................


....and have i told you lately GH........you have nice buns my friend..........:thumbsup:

I see Coppertop had already given in to GH by using the Vlad picture as an avatar: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/customa...ar48425_11.gif


Mighty GH!
Should I choose to join the Galactin Burger Force what benefits may that include?

I will cover you in the finest wasp-waisted, jewel-encrusted poodle dogs that money could buy. I'll show you things you won't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. We could watch C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. Sadly, all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

Don't listen to him, Nancy! He says that to all the girls, and the occasional cow. It's a ploy, a device, a strategem to get you into his pale, clammy clutches. Once there, oh the horrors that await. One might expect a nightstalker and daywalker such as GH to enslave you with his own blood, or merely to sip you like a fine wine, discarding your well perforated , yet still strangely compelling carcass thereafter, but GH is a truely diabolical specimin. Rest assured, within hours of succumbing, you will begin to sprout thick dark brown hairs all over that beautiful derrier, and within days, you will certainly make a post on the f**K thread nearly indistinguishable for one of flyman's.

Capisce?

So don't do it, sweet lady. It's your ass.

Screw nancy, sounds like what you need is a sidekick, I gladly offer my services.

I saw his pic over in portraits one time and thought he resembled Ian from Jethro Tull but eh maybe thats just me.

http://www.postergeist.com/posters/roll01/PIC00044.jpg

Eh...yeah.

Asta!!

Now that depends on the picture. Sometimes, Ian Anderson looks more like flyman:
<img src="http://www.speaker-mag.de/photo/Ian_Anderson_of_Jethro_Tull/Ian_Anderson_7_02_9.jpg">

and sometimes he looks more like Art (but with less hair):
<img src="http://tulsatvmemories.com/imag2002/ian.jpg">

maybe you're right, though
<img src="http://mitkadem3.homestead.com/files/Ian_Anderson_Flute_Thing.jpg">

A man of many faces, is Ian. I saw one where he looked surprisingly like StrangeFamous.

All hail the mighty holy grail of Burgerdom!!!! But you are still second in my life only to the constant craving for PIZZA! :D

I think you may be right Tophat. No wait...I know yer right (intense stare and silence that speaks in more volumes than a thousand words ever could)

Asta!!

Help Me! I'm being swarmed by Pteradactyls!
http://www.calstatela.edu/faculty/ac...terodactyl.jpg

The Horror
http://mirror-us-ga1.gallery.hd.org/...k-food-AHD.jpg

The Horror

I could use a good swarm of Pteradactyls.
Do not feed them overmuch as they get gassy.

How the Hamburger got it's Bun

Step One: Pick the meat

http://website.lineone.net/~mrpunch/x_vladst.gif

step two: Cook it up

http://www.ordotempli.org/burn_at_the_stake.jpg

Step three: World Conquest.

http://www.homegrownmusic.net/images/waybacks2.jpg