Giant Hamburger's deepest, darkest secret (and no it isn't his sauce) - Page 6 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

grumpyolddude · 01-27-2006, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

Fear the frothing black sperm of my loins!

I will cover your puny planet with my fecund seed before you can mobilize any effective resistance.
Your fertile women and their soon to be distended abdomens will burst forth a veritable army of my minions.

Just reading this post has a 38% chance of impregnating you.

So... the thread title is mistaken! GH's secret IS his sauce!

Felicitations, Lord Giant Hamburger! The gene pool is now more secure!

Giant Hamburger · 01-30-2006, 11:18 AM

My sauce is lady flavored!

It's going to be a one-headed girl with all her chromosomes intact.

I will live in a veritable nest of women.

I'm thinking of having an outhouse installed in the yard.

shalafi · 02-01-2006, 09:41 AM

Hail Giant One!!

Congratulations on the upcoming burglet. May your meaty goodness continue for generations to come.

Charlatan · 02-01-2006, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

My sauce is lady flavored!

It's going to be a one-headed girl with all her chromosomes intact.

I will live in a veritable nest of women.

I'm thinking of having an outhouse installed in the yard.

Another double X to enter the burger household... Have you made preparations to behead your spouse for not producing an heir?

It's tradition.

Ishmal · 02-07-2006, 07:24 PM

heh.

i leave this thread for a little while, and news of GH's growing army is posted everywhere!!!

congrats GH.

Charlatan · 03-15-2006, 09:38 AM

Isn't it about time we invoked Godwin's Law on this thread?

Charlatan · 04-18-2006, 12:28 PM

Has Giant Hamburger finally met his match?

Nancy · 04-19-2006, 02:29 AM

A haunted place where brave men will not venture

Behold their secret club card:

One can only imagine what these "privileges" are..

Giant Hamburger · 04-20-2006, 12:59 PM

Sadly, there are few "privileges" left in my Royal Order.

I might make up a few good ones for new valued members.

Like Hrothgar, former king of the Danes, I have enjoyed military success and prosperity until monsters began terrorizing my realm.

A point that Charlatan likes to bring up from time to time.

No doubt this is some sort of grim justice for my crimes upon the natural world.

Nancy · 06-18-2006, 10:04 AM

If you travel to Leksand, Sweden you'll find this bizzare burgerwagon. Its purpose is unknown - even to the local inhabitants. Could it be that I've discovered the secret whereabouts of the Burger Club?

Fly · 06-18-2006, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nancy

Could it be that I've discovered the secret whereabouts of the Burger Club?

don't you mean clan????

Giant Hamburger · 06-20-2006, 12:25 PM

I could use that Burgerwagon in my backyard as my defacto sancto sanctorum. Soon my house will be infested with children and I will need a place to get away to if but for a moment.

My newest burgerlet is due in less than two weeks!

She will be birthed in the traditional familial way of bursting through Mrs. GH's chest and crawling into the ventilation shafts. After patching up the mothership we shall break out the motion detectors and improvised flame-throwers and hunt her down.

We'll move in pairs. We'll go step by step and cut off every bulkhead and every vent until we have her cornered.

It will be soon.

Charlatan · 06-21-2006, 11:24 AM

GH... does this mean that everyone but Mrs. GH dies... then she gets to get (nearly) naked before finally slaying your beastly offspring?

Sounds awesome!

By the way... June 27th is a good date.

Nancy · 06-25-2006, 10:24 PM

I vote for June the 30th!

I'm still not sure whether I should fear the arrival of the mini burger or not.

Redlemon · 06-26-2006, 04:18 AM

I knitted this for the little burger's bedroom. Hope he likes it.

Giant Hamburger · 06-26-2006, 06:30 PM

Hail Redlemon!

With your own two hands you have created a prophetic tapestry of unsurpassed cuteness and for that I am grateful.

I just might have Mrs. GH replicate it.
There has been a lot of knitting going on around here.

The drums across the water say the baby is coming soon.

doodlebird · 06-26-2006, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

The drums across the water say the baby is coming soon.

...may she sleep on beds of lettuce, covered in blankets of cheese.

have your breasts swelled to twice their normal size... ready to dispense ketchup and mustard? or perhaps yours is a mayo house.

Charlatan · 06-27-2006, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doodlebird

have your breasts swelled to twice their normal size... ready to dispense ketchup and mustard? or perhaps yours is a mayo house.

oh man... I think that image just broke something in my head.

Giant Hamburger · 06-27-2006, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doodlebird

have your breasts swelled to twice their normal size... ready to dispense ketchup and mustard? or perhaps yours is a mayo house.

Don't be silly, I get my condiments in bulk at the market.
My six swollen pendulous breasts now blast pulsing ropey arcs of burgermilk intermittently
throughout the day and night.
It's kind of messy.

Redlemon · 06-27-2006, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

Don't be silly, I get my condiments in bulk at the market.

Remember everyone, condiments enhance the pleasure of mastication.

Charlatan · 07-10-2006, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Remember everyone, condiments enhance the pleasure of mastication.

Yep... something has definately snapped inside my noggin.

Giant Hamburger · 07-11-2006, 09:53 AM

The mothership has finally landed!

Our milk-filled sausage now rests at home growing ever larger until no room is comfortable.

We are getting one of these!

Charlatan · 07-12-2006, 12:54 PM

"But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the burger has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!"

Burgermiester Meisterburger!

Felicitations! Once more the klaxons will sound.

Make sure you sleep with one eye open and your hand on your axe...

Giant Hamburger · 07-26-2006, 01:14 PM

My newest secret is my new shoes!

Fly · 07-26-2006, 08:55 PM

i want to hump your shoes GH.

fuck me if i know why,but........damn is that a fine pair of wheels baby.

i'm sure that the li'l burglet will be sporting a pair soon.

am i right?

Charlatan · 07-29-2006, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

My newest secret is my new shoes!

I am sure you must be mistaken... there is no way I know that you can keep those a secret.

Giant Hamburger · 08-29-2006, 02:45 PM

It is a sad day for my secret and overly fecund sauce...

As soon as I can clear my pipes, you shall no longer have to live in fear of being impregnated by me.

By the way, I wore those shoes to my vasectomy.

Zeraph · 08-29-2006, 03:30 PM

Those shoes scream vampire!

Ch'i · 08-30-2006, 09:57 PM

Sworn enemy of the burger

"This time you've gone too far Giant Hamburger!"

Charlatan · 09-02-2006, 04:14 AM

GH!

It had to be done. Your seed had to be stopped from doing any more damage.

Of course given its potency do not be alarmed when the revolution arrives and your swimming half burgers burst forth from your pendulous sack and wreak havoc on their own accord. It's just a matter of time.

And the power of your shoes will not save you from their relentless revenge.

Ch'i · 09-03-2006, 12:00 AM

Giant Hamburger attempted to blow up parliament in 1605!

Centuries after his killing spree as Vlad, GH was again spotted in 1605 as the mastermind of the Gunpowder Treason.

Charlatan · 09-03-2006, 02:36 AM

Hope deep does this rabbit hole go?

Ch'i · 09-09-2006, 05:21 PM

"You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe."

"You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

Charlatan · 12-17-2006, 01:35 AM

I was just spending a lazy Sunday minding my own business when suddenly I was set up on by a ravenous horde.

Thankfully I proved more ravenous.

Just when I thought it would be safe to enter the kitchen again, GH sends his minions to attack.

Ourcrazymodern? · 12-18-2006, 05:38 PM

Giant? Hamburger???
Sorry about your balls.

Giant Hamburger · 12-20-2006, 07:37 AM

My balls thank you,

all of them.

Now go forth my meatlings, go forth and find Charlatan!

Fly · 12-20-2006, 08:14 AM

damn fine set of balls GH.

Charlatan · 12-20-2006, 02:48 PM

Good thing I just stocked up on toothpicks.

uncle phil · 12-20-2006, 04:35 PM

/me is bad...

Ch'i · 12-20-2006, 07:25 PM

HFC Pride Fight, this Christmas.

Whoever wins, we lose.

02-07-2006, 07:24 PM	#205 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	heh. i leave this thread for a little while, and news of GH's growing army is posted everywhere!!! congrats GH. __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

03-15-2006, 09:38 AM	#206 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Isn't it about time we invoked Godwin's Law on this thread? __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

04-18-2006, 12:28 PM	#207 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Has Giant Hamburger finally met his match? __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

04-19-2006, 02:29 AM	#208 (permalink)
Nancy Femme Fatale Location: Elysium	The Burger Club A haunted place where brave men will not venture Behold their secret club card: One can only imagine what these "privileges" are.. __________________ I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

06-18-2006, 10:04 AM	#210 (permalink)
Nancy Femme Fatale Location: Elysium	If you travel to Leksand, Sweden you'll find this bizzare burgerwagon. Its purpose is unknown - even to the local inhabitants. Could it be that I've discovered the secret whereabouts of the Burger Club? __________________ I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

01-30-2006, 11:18 AM	#202 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	My sauce is lady flavored! It's going to be a one-headed girl with all her chromosomes intact. I will live in a veritable nest of women. I'm thinking of having an outhouse installed in the yard.

02-01-2006, 09:41 AM	#203 (permalink)
shalafi ARRRRRRRRRR Location: Stuart, Florida	Hail Giant One!! Congratulations on the upcoming burglet. May your meaty goodness continue for generations to come.

04-20-2006, 12:59 PM	#209 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	Sadly, there are few "privileges" left in my Royal Order. I might make up a few good ones for new valued members. Like Hrothgar, former king of the Danes, I have enjoyed military success and prosperity until monsters began terrorizing my realm. A point that Charlatan likes to bring up from time to time. No doubt this is some sort of grim justice for my crimes upon the natural world.

06-20-2006, 12:25 PM	#212 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	I could use that Burgerwagon in my backyard as my defacto sancto sanctorum. Soon my house will be infested with children and I will need a place to get away to if but for a moment. My newest burgerlet is due in less than two weeks! She will be birthed in the traditional familial way of bursting through Mrs. GH's chest and crawling into the ventilation shafts. After patching up the mothership we shall break out the motion detectors and improvised flame-throwers and hunt her down. We'll move in pairs. We'll go step by step and cut off every bulkhead and every vent until we have her cornered. It will be soon.

06-21-2006, 11:24 AM	#213 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	GH... does this mean that everyone but Mrs. GH dies... then she gets to get (nearly) naked before finally slaying your beastly offspring? Sounds awesome! By the way... June 27th is a good date. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

06-25-2006, 10:24 PM	#214 (permalink)
Nancy Femme Fatale Location: Elysium	I vote for June the 30th! I'm still not sure whether I should fear the arrival of the mini burger or not. __________________ I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

06-26-2006, 04:18 AM	#215 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	I knitted this for the little burger's bedroom. Hope he likes it. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

06-26-2006, 06:30 PM	#216 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	Hail Redlemon! With your own two hands you have created a prophetic tapestry of unsurpassed cuteness and for that I am grateful. I just might have Mrs. GH replicate it. There has been a lot of knitting going on around here. The drums across the water say the baby is coming soon.

07-11-2006, 09:53 AM	#222 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	The mothership has finally landed! Our milk-filled sausage now rests at home growing ever larger until no room is comfortable. We are getting one of these!

07-12-2006, 12:54 PM	#223 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	"But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the burger has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!" Burgermiester Meisterburger! Felicitations! Once more the klaxons will sound. Make sure you sleep with one eye open and your hand on your axe... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-26-2006, 01:14 PM	#224 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	My newest secret is my new shoes!

07-26-2006, 08:55 PM	#225 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	i want to hump your shoes GH. fuck me if i know why,but........damn is that a fine pair of wheels baby. i'm sure that the li'l burglet will be sporting a pair soon. am i right? __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

08-29-2006, 02:45 PM	#227 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	It is a sad day for my secret and overly fecund sauce... As soon as I can clear my pipes, you shall no longer have to live in fear of being impregnated by me. By the way, I wore those shoes to my vasectomy. Last edited by Giant Hamburger; 08-29-2006 at 02:46 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

08-29-2006, 03:30 PM	#228 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	Those shoes scream vampire!

08-30-2006, 09:57 PM	#229 (permalink)
Ch'i Artist of Life	Sworn enemy of the burger "This time you've gone too far Giant Hamburger!"

09-02-2006, 04:14 AM	#230 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	GH! It had to be done. Your seed had to be stopped from doing any more damage. Of course given its potency do not be alarmed when the revolution arrives and your swimming half burgers burst forth from your pendulous sack and wreak havoc on their own accord. It's just a matter of time. And the power of your shoes will not save you from their relentless revenge. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-03-2006, 12:00 AM	#231 (permalink)
Ch'i Artist of Life	Giant Hamburger attempted to blow up parliament in 1605! Centuries after his killing spree as Vlad, GH was again spotted in 1605 as the mastermind of the Gunpowder Treason.

09-03-2006, 02:36 AM	#232 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Hope deep does this rabbit hole go? __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-09-2006, 05:21 PM	#233 (permalink)
Ch'i Artist of Life	"You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe." "You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

12-17-2006, 01:35 AM	#234 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I was just spending a lazy Sunday minding my own business when suddenly I was set up on by a ravenous horde. Thankfully I proved more ravenous. Just when I thought it would be safe to enter the kitchen again, GH sends his minions to attack. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

12-18-2006, 05:38 PM	#235 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	Giant? Hamburger??? Sorry about your balls. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

12-20-2006, 07:37 AM	#236 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	My balls thank you, all of them. Now go forth my meatlings, go forth and find Charlatan!

12-20-2006, 08:14 AM	#237 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	damn fine set of balls GH. __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

12-20-2006, 02:48 PM	#238 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Good thing I just stocked up on toothpicks. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

12-20-2006, 04:35 PM	#239 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	/me is bad... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

12-20-2006, 07:25 PM	#240 (permalink)
Ch'i Artist of Life	HFC Pride Fight, this Christmas. Whoever wins, we lose.