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Old 02-27-2005, 04:01 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Fer Crisakes, stop peein' on the dog!

My extremeties are frigid.
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Old 02-27-2005, 05:25 PM   #82 (permalink)
Dreams In Digital
 
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Location: Iowa
Stop taking so long in the refrigerator!!

My eyeballs are all red
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I can't seem to remember now
What it was like- to live life, before you.. symbiont
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Old 02-27-2005, 05:32 PM   #83 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
One of two things: Visine or use a longer spoon while eating breakfast with the devil.

I'm nervous and my socks are too loose.
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Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 02-28-2005, 01:09 PM   #84 (permalink)
Apocalypse Nerd
 
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Socks is loose. But that's no reason to be nervous. Just call him in and shut the door.

(socks):



Nobody ever gets my humor.
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Old 02-28-2005, 01:51 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Comedy rule #1: If it's funny to you, it's funny.

My hamper smells weird.
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Old 02-28-2005, 02:12 PM   #86 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Sorry, I'll get out.

My eyes got reversed and now point inside my head.
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Old 02-28-2005, 02:57 PM   #87 (permalink)
Born-Again New Guy
 
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Location: Unfound.
So tell me, what's on your mind?

It's hard to find a good friend.
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Old 03-01-2005, 09:02 AM   #88 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Stop hitting your good friends, and maybe they'll stop hiding from you.

I have constant cravings for glazed donuts..
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Old 03-01-2005, 05:55 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
As long as you eat them constantly, it should stop the cravings.

My get up and go must've got up and went.
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-01-2005, 06:21 PM   #90 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Rochester, New York
Take two anti-diarrhetics and call me in the morning!

My snot is brown!
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"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"
"Ego sum quis ego sum quod ut est quicumque ego sum" - Popeye

Last edited by howdydave; 03-01-2005 at 06:23 PM..
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Old 03-01-2005, 06:30 PM   #91 (permalink)
Upright
 
Take them out, paint them green with a marker pen, and then replace them.

Potatoes are growing out of my ears.
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Old 03-01-2005, 07:52 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Mixed with some toe cheese, it would make a nice au gratin.

I have hang-ups.
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-01-2005, 08:13 PM   #93 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
Get caller ID.

Ted Koppel won't stop tickling my funnybone.
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Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 03-02-2005, 02:03 AM   #94 (permalink)
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Ted Koppel says he'll stop because your funnybone is only this big:


It's too late for sleep tonight.
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Old 03-02-2005, 09:52 AM   #95 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Rochester, New York
Call in the neighbors and have a party!

I have lustful fantasies about my analyst!
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Dave ©¿©¬

"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"
"Ego sum quis ego sum quod ut est quicumque ego sum" - Popeye
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Old 03-02-2005, 02:38 PM   #96 (permalink)
Born-Again New Guy
 
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Location: Unfound.
And how does that make you feel?

I'm having trouble getting into a stable relationship.
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Old 03-02-2005, 04:16 PM   #97 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Stop hitting on horses. (Sicko.)

I've lost that lovin' feeling.
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Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 03-02-2005, 05:01 PM   #98 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
......blow.......up........doll............


i've got blisters on my blisters.
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BASTARD

SterlingStudios
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Old 03-02-2005, 05:02 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Buy yourself some flowers, take yourself out to dinner, draw yourself a nice hot bath with candles, dim the lights... maybe that will put you in the mood.

I have pimples on my but-I am nice.
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-02-2005, 05:04 PM   #100 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
oooh crap!
Stop beating on that thing like a rented car!

I still have pimples on my but-I am nice...
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-02-2005, 07:03 PM   #101 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Embrace your ill favored visage, get in touch with your inner curmudgeon, and start being a real rat bastard.

My blowup doll sprung a leak.
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 03-02-2005, 11:19 PM   #102 (permalink)
Banned
 
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Location: The Cosmos
Live underwater.

My hand jerks wildly when touching my special area
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Old 03-03-2005, 02:06 PM   #103 (permalink)
Apocalypse Nerd
 
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Think of your mother -that'll make it stop.

My mother is hot.
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Old 03-03-2005, 02:25 PM   #104 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Think of Zeraph's Mom (sorry.)

I'm rude, crude and socially unacceptable.
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-03-2005, 07:39 PM   #105 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Run for public office as a man of the people. You might even get elected president.

Every night I have a strange dream about a busty, naked, green woman with lobster claws who wants to be intimate with me.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 03-03-2005, 08:04 PM   #106 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
boil some water and keep large rubber bands near the bed.


I have terrible gas. Really, it's quite noxious.
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-03-2005, 09:26 PM   #107 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Either lay off the beans, or make sure you also eat corn and chilis with them Actually, seriously, the combination of the three will keep the beans from giving you gas, allow the corn to digest, and take the burn out of the chilis on the back end.

Now I have "Dirty Love" stuck in my head. (The way your momma make that fuzzy poodle do.)
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 03-05-2005, 11:15 AM   #108 (permalink)
Born-Again New Guy
 
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Location: Unfound.
Turn up "So Fresh, So Clean" by Outkast

My foot's asleep.
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Old 03-05-2005, 11:25 AM   #109 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
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Location: Tucson, AZ
Dip it in gasoline and light it up. Nothin' like fire to get the blood flowing.

I'm in complete denial of the chaos and tragedy in my life.
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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.
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Old 03-05-2005, 12:16 PM   #110 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: under the freeway bridge
write a country song, drink some whiskey, relax and enjoy it.

I can't do the things that I know that I should.
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"Iron rusts with disuse, stagnant water loses its purity and in cold water freezes. Even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind"
Leonardo Da Vinci
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Old 03-05-2005, 02:32 PM   #111 (permalink)
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Stop shoulding all over yourself.


I've got cat scratch fever.
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-05-2005, 04:02 PM   #112 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: Long Island, NY
Try shaving down there, I hear it helps.

I have a hawaiian disease called Lakanuki
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Old 03-05-2005, 04:21 PM   #113 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: under the freeway bridge
of course.....get some nuki...repeat if necessary


I have a low down dirty feeling.
__________________
"Iron rusts with disuse, stagnant water loses its purity and in cold water freezes. Even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind"
Leonardo Da Vinci
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Old 03-05-2005, 06:55 PM   #114 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Douche.

My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 03-08-2005, 10:31 AM   #115 (permalink)
Addict
 
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Location: Land of the puny, wimpy states
Turn down the stereo, yank off those Python boots and don't worry, Jesus thinks you're a jerk.

my nose is running...
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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
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Old 03-08-2005, 10:39 AM   #116 (permalink)
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
 
Daoust's Avatar
 
Location: Paradise Regained
Snort something pasty up there!

My hands are sweaty, my knees are weak
I can't eat, and I can't sleep.
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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys
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Old 03-08-2005, 12:23 PM   #117 (permalink)
Born-Again New Guy
 
TexanAvenger's Avatar
 
Location: Unfound.
Get to the hospital quick... looks like ebola. Try getting there before you crash and bleed out, they know how to clean it up better'n most people. Or it could be love... whatever.

I'm damn cold.
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Old 03-09-2005, 04:00 AM   #118 (permalink)
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
 
Daoust's Avatar
 
Location: Paradise Regained
Sleep with your socks on. It works for Daoust!!!

My sinuses are leaking a flourescent yellow liquid uncontrollably, at this moment.
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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys
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Old 03-09-2005, 04:52 AM   #119 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: Long Island, NY
bottle it!! You've found the solution to our energy crisis!!

I have this uncontrollable urge to stab myself in the chest.
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Old 03-09-2005, 04:44 PM   #120 (permalink)
Apocalypse Nerd
 
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Stab somebody else in the back and your urge will go away.

Got an urge got a surge
and it's out of control
Got an urge I wanna purge
'cause I'm losing control
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