noodle

Fuckin' eh, man. It's going to be a fucking gorgeous day, hitting EIGHTY DEGREES (farenheit, of course) without a fuckin' cloud in the sky.

insert happy dance right fuckin' here.

__________________

Nancy

Yes I fucking do!

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Nancy

Just saw the fucking video and, well, I'm not too fucking fond of DJs..
You, on the other fucking hand, seem very fucking fond of him though - have you seen him live, jwoody?

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Fly

you should hear the fuckin' stuff jwoody puts together.

he's like a fuckin' dj himself.

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

Sion

you're a regular glutton for fucking punishment, eh?

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Nancy

Hell fuckin yeah I am

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Nancy

Hmmm .. I don't know if I fucking dare

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Sion

go ahead.

I fuckin dare you.

I double dog fuckin dare you.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Lucifer

fuck me, it's fucking snowing again. Is spring ever coming to this fucking island?

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

Fly

solid week of fucking sun here..........but.......off in the distance,the fucking big black clouds are on thier fucking way.

fuck off rain!!!!!!

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

feelgood

what the fuck is wrong with rain? it fuckin reminds me of home in ont-fucking-ario

__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Nancy

Fine. Bring it the fuck on, jwoody!

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Sion

atta fucken girl

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Nancy

The mob cat is always keeping a fucking eye on you..

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

jwoody

My cat sleeps with her face in her fucking muff and one leg in the fucking air.

Q: What the fuck does she do that for?

A: Because she fucking can.

__________________
.

Nancy

^^ Mad fucking skills

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Sion

Muffcat...fucken A

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Nancy

Now be fucking honest here.... which kitty scares you the most? Santiago with the chameleon-like eyes or the BatCat??

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Nancy

Say jwoody; does your fucking cat always sleep like that?

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Nancy

And while we're on the subject of fucking cats:

Diary of a Paranoid Cat

Monday

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Tuesday

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to throw up on their favourite chair....must try this on their bed.

Wednesday

Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

Thursday

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was....Hmm. Not working according to plan.....

Friday

I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning, foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Saturday

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Sunday

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to molespeak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Nancy

Or how about this fucking one:

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the dang thing's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Nancy

Or this fucking one:

How to Bathe a Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any surface they find.

The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three to four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

jwoody

If there's one thing cat's are best at it's fucking sleeping in awkward positions.

The other day I held her up in one hand (sort of under her fucking front legs) and held her up in the air for a bit. She just got fucking comfortable and fucking started to go to fucking sleep.

Just yesterday I was on the fucking playstation and she was asleep on my fucking chest with her head under my fucking chin. The fucker woke up with a start and fucking sneezed all over my fucking face.

No fucking shit.

I've also re-named her - fuckin 'Muffcat'

I think this is her fucking fifth name.

__________________
.

Nancy

True. But I have never heard of a fucking cat falling asleep in such a unique position before. It had me almost piss my pants laughing. Henriette too as a matter of fucking fact.

Fifth name?
But why, jwoody?
What the fuck are the rest of her names?
Does she respond to all of them?

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

jwoody

Glad to bring a bit of fucking laughter into your lives.

Fuckin right.

Because I fucking can. See next fucking answer.

When I got her off my granny (notice. no fuck in this sentence, gotta respect my gran), she was called fucking (bollocks, sorry gran) 'bluebell' (1). There's no way I could ever own a pet with such a fucking crappy name.

I decided to let my (at the time) 4yr old niece name the fucker - she chose fucking 'barbie' (2). That didn't last very fucking long.

I called her 'mog' (3) for a bit but she didn't respond in the slightest bit.

Then I tried 'charly' (4) - after the cat on a fucking child safety video and a song by The fucking Prodigy.

Then fucking Sion (bless 'im) came up with fucking 'Muffcat' (5). It made me fucking laugh, it's a fucking cool name, my cat looks like a fucking muff (19th century ladies handwarmer thing) and, best of fucking all, she responds to it fucking immediately.

It's the fucking mu-fffffff-ca-tttttt noise. Cats ears are tuned in to fucking 'fffff' and 'ttttt' sounds.

Nope, she's only ever responded to fucking Muffcat™.

__________________
.

Nancy

What's wrong with "Barbie"?

I fucking like the name Muffcat though - it's just as brilliant as "Meatball" (fly's horse). Maybe I should let Sion and Fly decide the fucking names of my future pets.

Ps. Charlie freaks me out.

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

jwoody

This fucker?

He's a fucking avatar just waiting to happen.

--------------------------------------------------------------

So, any fucker else got a few days off this fucking weekend?

Doing anything exciting?

I've got my fucking Thursday, Sunday and fucking Monday sessions planned... and Tuesday booked in as a fucking hangover day.

__________________
.

Nancy

^^ Yeah that's the fucking one. It's not so much his fucking looks per se (well, maybe just a little. I mean check out his weird fucking melon shaped head for crying out loud!) - it's that voice and funny noises of his that fucking freaks me out.

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Sion

actually, I was thinking muff as in a fuckin vagina.

but hey, whatever fuckin works.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Dragonknight

AHHH fucken BatCat is fucken AHHAHAHHA I can't even say it. That is one scarry pussy.

Nancy I loved those cat stories they were fucken great!

__________________
Freedom is NOT Free.

optik_nerve

Fuck, that cat will eat your fuckin' face like it's a fuckin' marshmellow or something. Fuck.

Sion

Fcuk......

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Fly

i'd fuckin' be all up for that fuckin' challenge.


meatball says fuckin' thanks Nancy.....

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

blahblah454

Holy fuck those were some fucking freaky cats.

Fremen

I didn't see any fucking cats!!

__________________
Google

blahblah454

Scroll the fuck up!

itch vaccine

i'm fucking scared of needles but i'm going for a blood test next fucking week

how the fuck am i gonna calm the fuck down?

__________________
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes.
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours.
That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein

Sion

a sedative shot should fuckin work

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Nancy

Sweet

What fucking for?

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Fly

for fucking calling his name brilliant.


he really fucking appreciates it eh.

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios