The truth about Australia - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Ella · 10-02-2004, 02:36 PM

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism
Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. (between
brackets the country where the question was coming from)

===============================================

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so how do the plants grow (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.
---
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
---
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you.
---
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
---
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
---
6. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
---
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does
not...... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked!
---
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send you the rest of the directions.
---
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
---
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is....
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!
---
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink !
---
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
---
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
---
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
---
15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.
---
16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them !
---
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
---
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
---
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
---
20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
---
21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Mr_Wall · 10-02-2004, 02:55 PM

This probably will make look stupid, but is that real?

bundy · 10-02-2004, 03:28 PM

thats the best laugh i've had in ages.
thanks ella.

spindles · 10-02-2004, 04:10 PM

I'm not sure why but 17 really made me laugh.

Mr_Wall - I'm guessing this is a hoax/joke - but funny nonetheless

Meridae'n · 10-02-2004, 06:27 PM

This is kosher I reckon... been around a while. Damn funny, thanx El

Ella · 10-02-2004, 10:53 PM

Yep...17 and 19 are my favourites, I reckon.

Meridae'n · 10-03-2004, 04:21 PM

You would.

stonecurran · 10-03-2004, 09:37 PM

ha ha ha what a pissa

Ella · 10-04-2004, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meridae'n

You would.

Ya got me, Meri. I'm consoled by the fact you share my urine fetish.

Neptune · 10-04-2004, 03:14 AM

I love it!
Thanks for posting

DJ Happy · 10-06-2004, 07:32 AM

I saw the same thing for a supposed South African travel website. I thought that one was genuine, but it is almost identical to this one.

Oh well....

Bongomanrae · 10-06-2004, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr_Wall

This probably will make look stupid, but is that real?

I'd say so, there was a massive amount of these sort of things going around during 99/2000 with all of the tourists coming over.

Madd · 10-07-2004, 03:58 AM

LOL Awsome, number 14 made me laugh so hard...

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Classic

elko64 · 10-08-2004, 01:42 AM

i wounder what sort of tv shows these people have been watching???

tornhelm · 10-09-2004, 01:44 AM

Skippy, Crocodile Hunter, Home and Away and Neighbors. Says it all, doesnt it.

Ishmal · 12-17-2004, 12:15 AM

Dam...

i was about to post this!!!

well **BUMP**

because its funny!

(c Ella, i'm learning to use the search)

Ella · 12-17-2004, 03:34 AM

Well done, Ishmal!

high_way · 12-17-2004, 05:44 AM

you know, for a bunch of convicts i think we are a damn sight smarter than most other countries. what does that say about everybody else...

Latch · 12-17-2004, 07:06 AM

*tear* it's so sad to see the newbies growing up so quickly.

Ishmal · 12-17-2004, 04:11 PM

ROFLMAO...

thanx 4 a laugh Latch.

10-02-2004, 02:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ella Ella Bo Bella Location: Australia	The truth about Australia These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. (between brackets the country where the question was coming from) =============================================== 1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. --- 2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. --- 3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you. --- 4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. --- 5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. --- 6. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? --- 7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not...... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked! --- 8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions. --- 9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. --- 10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is.... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked! --- 11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink ! --- 12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. --- 13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? --- 14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. --- 15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: only at Christmas. --- 16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them ! --- 17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal. --- 18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. --- 19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. --- 20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. --- 21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. __________________ "Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

10-02-2004, 03:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	thats the best laugh i've had in ages. thanks ella. __________________ Ohayo!!!

10-02-2004, 04:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
spindles Mine is an evil laugh Location: Sydney, Australia	I'm not sure why but 17 really made me laugh. Mr_Wall - I'm guessing this is a hoax/joke - but funny nonetheless __________________ who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

10-02-2004, 06:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	This is kosher I reckon... been around a while. Damn funny, thanx El __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

10-02-2004, 10:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
Ella Ella Bo Bella Location: Australia	Yep...17 and 19 are my favourites, I reckon. __________________ "Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

10-02-2004, 02:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mr_Wall Tilted Location: 'Straylia	This probably will make look stupid, but is that real?

10-03-2004, 04:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	You would. __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

10-03-2004, 09:37 PM	#8 (permalink)
stonecurran Crazy Location: australia	ha ha ha what a pissa

10-04-2004, 03:14 AM	#10 (permalink)
Neptune Tilted Location: Sydney Australia	I love it! Thanks for posting

10-06-2004, 07:32 AM	#11 (permalink)
DJ Happy Psycho	I saw the same thing for a supposed South African travel website. I thought that one was genuine, but it is almost identical to this one. Oh well....

10-07-2004, 03:58 AM	#13 (permalink)
Madd Tilted Location: Melbourne	LOL Awsome, number 14 made me laugh so hard... 14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Classic __________________ Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.

10-08-2004, 01:42 AM	#14 (permalink)
elko64 Upright Location: australia	i wounder what sort of tv shows these people have been watching??? __________________ try it you might like it!

10-09-2004, 01:44 AM	#15 (permalink)
tornhelm Upright	Skippy, Crocodile Hunter, Home and Away and Neighbors. Says it all, doesnt it.

12-17-2004, 12:15 AM	#16 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	Dam... i was about to post this!!! well BUMP because its funny! (c Ella, i'm learning to use the search) __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

12-17-2004, 03:34 AM	#17 (permalink)
Ella Ella Bo Bella Location: Australia	Well done, Ishmal! __________________ "Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

12-17-2004, 05:44 AM	#18 (permalink)
high_way Addict Location: Australia	you know, for a bunch of convicts i think we are a damn sight smarter than most other countries. what does that say about everybody else... __________________ A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet. Impostor of the imposturous

12-17-2004, 07:06 AM	#19 (permalink)
Latch In Your Dreams Location: City of Lights	tear it's so sad to see the newbies growing up so quickly.

12-17-2004, 04:11 PM	#20 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	ROFLMAO... thanx 4 a laugh Latch. __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."