Questions about Canada from the rest of the World - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Charlatan · 07-16-2004, 10:32 AM

Subject: Questions about Canada

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter >Olympics these are some questions people over the world are asking!!!!! These Questions, about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Can you believe it?

Q1 I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q2 Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q3 I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

Q4 Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q5 It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q6 Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list >of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q7 Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . .. . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q8 Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q9 Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q10 Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q11 Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q12 I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q13 Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q14 Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q15 Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q16 I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns.(USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q17 I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q18 Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Quadraton · 07-16-2004, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Q3 I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

Ahem...that's 4000 kilometres (actual distance approx 4860 km)

Quote:

Q7 Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . .. . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Actually, this question is not as ludicrous as it may seem. Hippo is the Greek word for horse (i.e. hippo potamus = horse (of the) river). So, the guy could be asking if there is any horse racing in Canada.

Averett · 07-16-2004, 10:45 AM

Hey I have another:

So I was in Canada 2 weeks ago and there was no snow on the ground - what gives? I thought there would be sno there year round. I'm going again tonight, there will be snow, right?

right?

silent_jay · 07-16-2004, 11:14 AM

Sorry Averett but unless you are going to Calgary, or Edmonton you won't see any snow.

Jam · 07-16-2004, 11:22 AM

or nunavit or nwt, or yellowknife

losthellhound · 07-16-2004, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
Hey I have another:

So I was in Canada 2 weeks ago and there was no snow on the ground - what gives? I thought there would be sno there year round. I'm going again tonight, there will be snow, right?

right?

*Gets busy shaving ice and making a snowman*

Quadraton · 07-16-2004, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
Hey I have another:

So I was in Canada 2 weeks ago and there was no snow on the ground - what gives? I thought there would be sno there year round. I'm going again tonight, there will be snow, right?

right?

I've got some snow building up in my freezer. Does that count?

Jam · 07-17-2004, 01:28 AM

theres some usualy at ice rinks

Fly · 07-17-2004, 06:39 AM

hahahahaha..........they haven't got a clue do they?

silent_jay · 07-17-2004, 02:24 PM

nope they don't have a clue fly. My dog team needs to have their legs rotated, they seem to be wearing down on one side

Jam · 07-17-2004, 04:54 PM

my home network is called eskimovillage, my pc is igoo, and the portable laptop is mah dogsled... i didnt get to name my parents computer and my arcade pc isnt online

kulrblind · 07-19-2004, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Quadraton
Actually, this question is not as ludicrous as it may seem. Hippo is the Greek word for horse (i.e. hippo potamus = horse (of the) river). So, the guy could be asking if there is any horse racing in Canada.

...and the fact that the question is said to come from the USA means that yes, it's plenty ludicrous

Quadraton · 07-19-2004, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kulrblind
...and the fact that the question is said to come from the USA means that yes, it's plenty ludicrous

I know. I was being facetious

bender · 07-20-2004, 08:26 AM

Shhhh....
don't let the rest of the world know how good things are up here, or soon they'll be asking to hook up with us just like turks and cacos (sp) islands.

Charlatan · 07-20-2004, 08:51 AM

I think that was a missed opportunity... We should have annexed the the Turks and Caicos Islands...

silent_jay · 07-21-2004, 05:32 AM

agreed

Mango · 07-23-2004, 09:11 AM

I heard a real good one a few years ago while visiting my GF in Banff.

American - What is all the white stuff on the mountains?
Local - Solar refective paint to keep the ice cap from melting.

Averett · 07-23-2004, 09:34 AM

Why do your deer crossing signs look funny? American deer are nice and lean, while Canadian deer are fat with small antelers and little stubby tails. Whats up with that?

fallenangel · 07-23-2004, 10:12 AM

Ours isn't of a deer is it? Moose perhaps? Hmm, i'm intrigued.

Averett · 07-23-2004, 10:17 AM

It's weird. The ones I saw in Alberta looked like that road sign, but even more fat and compact. And in Ontario I saw one sign like that, with a red nose, and all of the others looked like the ones in the states.

Don't even get me started on the "There will be wildlife on the road" sign on the way to Banff. I saw no wildlife. I want my money back

fallenangel · 07-23-2004, 10:21 AM

There is always some form of wildlife on the road, you just weren't lookin hard enough *wink wink* I've never been east of Alta so i'm not sure that way either.

Charlatan · 07-23-2004, 10:45 AM

Maybe the Banff ones were for Elk rather than deer...

Averett · 07-23-2004, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Charlatan
Maybe the Banff ones were for Elk rather than deer...

Maybe... Saw em in and around Lethbridge too though. And that one in Ontario. Must figure this out...

I did see elk in Banff though. Huge scary things. One stomped his feet and snorted at me.

Charlatan · 07-23-2004, 11:09 AM

...and you said you saw no wildlife... Elk are huge.

Averett · 07-23-2004, 11:14 AM

Yeah but I didn't see them on the road

We were walking through the Banff Springs Hotel and some people told us that there were some elk in this little fenced in area. So the boys decided it would be a good idea to jump the fence and get some pictures. I stayed behind the fence cause I don't want to mess with something that could kill me pretty damn easily...

I took pictures but they didn't come out at all, the flash sucked

rmarshall · 08-05-2004, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
I took pictures but they didn't come out at all, the flash sucked

A common mistake. The flash is only good for 5 to 10 feet. Turn your flash off and maybe your camera will use a slower shutter speed.

Besides, Elk are known to attack people with flash cameras.

Averett · 08-08-2004, 06:23 AM

Eeek! Well that would have been bad.

splck · 08-08-2004, 06:35 AM

Here's a moose sign. If you saw one of these beasts, you wouldn't get it confused with a deer.

silent_jay · 08-08-2004, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
Why do your deer crossing signs look funny? American deer are nice and lean, while Canadian deer are fat with small antelers and little stubby tails. Whats up with that?

Our deer are more healthy looking IMO, at least when I see a hunting show that was filmed in the states the deer always look small and sickly, yet the hosts think the deer is huge, and I sit there thinking that's just a little guy these guys would shit their pants if they saw one of our Canadian deer. Canadian deer are just bigger and healthier looking.

07-16-2004, 10:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Questions about Canada from the rest of the World Subject: Questions about Canada Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter >Olympics these are some questions people over the world are asking!!!!! These Questions, about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Can you believe it? Q1 I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q2 Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q3 I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . . Q4 Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes. Q5 It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q6 Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list >of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q7 Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . .. . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q8 Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q9 Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q10 Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q11 Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany) A: No, WE don't stink. Q12 I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q13 Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q14 Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q15 Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q16 I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns.(USA) A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q17 I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q18 Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-16-2004, 10:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Hey I have another: So I was in Canada 2 weeks ago and there was no snow on the ground - what gives? I thought there would be sno there year round. I'm going again tonight, there will be snow, right? right? __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

07-16-2004, 11:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
silent_jay Her Jay Location: Ontario for now....	Sorry Averett but unless you are going to Calgary, or Edmonton you won't see any snow. __________________ Absence makes the heart grow fonder

07-17-2004, 06:39 AM	#9 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	hahahahaha..........they haven't got a clue do they? __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

07-17-2004, 02:24 PM	#10 (permalink)
silent_jay Her Jay Location: Ontario for now....	nope they don't have a clue fly. My dog team needs to have their legs rotated, they seem to be wearing down on one side __________________ Absence makes the heart grow fonder

07-16-2004, 11:22 AM	#5 (permalink)
Jam Junkie	or nunavit or nwt, or yellowknife

07-17-2004, 01:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
Jam Junkie	theres some usualy at ice rinks

07-17-2004, 04:54 PM	#11 (permalink)
Jam Junkie	my home network is called eskimovillage, my pc is igoo, and the portable laptop is mah dogsled... i didnt get to name my parents computer and my arcade pc isnt online

07-20-2004, 08:26 AM	#14 (permalink)
bender Addict Location: around the corner	Shhhh.... don't let the rest of the world know how good things are up here, or soon they'll be asking to hook up with us just like turks and cacos (sp) islands.

07-20-2004, 08:51 AM	#15 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	I think that was a missed opportunity... We should have annexed the the Turks and Caicos Islands... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-21-2004, 05:32 AM	#16 (permalink)
silent_jay Her Jay Location: Ontario for now....	agreed __________________ Absence makes the heart grow fonder

07-23-2004, 09:11 AM	#17 (permalink)
Mango Banned	I heard a real good one a few years ago while visiting my GF in Banff. American - What is all the white stuff on the mountains? Local - Solar refective paint to keep the ice cap from melting.

07-23-2004, 09:34 AM	#18 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Why do your deer crossing signs look funny? American deer are nice and lean, while Canadian deer are fat with small antelers and little stubby tails. Whats up with that? __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

07-23-2004, 10:12 AM	#19 (permalink)
fallenangel soaring Location: near the water	Ours isn't of a deer is it? Moose perhaps? Hmm, i'm intrigued. __________________ all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

07-23-2004, 10:17 AM	#20 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	It's weird. The ones I saw in Alberta looked like that road sign, but even more fat and compact. And in Ontario I saw one sign like that, with a red nose, and all of the others looked like the ones in the states. Don't even get me started on the "There will be wildlife on the road" sign on the way to Banff. I saw no wildlife. I want my money back __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

07-23-2004, 10:21 AM	#21 (permalink)
fallenangel soaring Location: near the water	There is always some form of wildlife on the road, you just weren't lookin hard enough wink wink I've never been east of Alta so i'm not sure that way either. __________________ all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

07-23-2004, 10:45 AM	#22 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Maybe the Banff ones were for Elk rather than deer... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-23-2004, 11:09 AM	#24 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	...and you said you saw no wildlife... Elk are huge. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-23-2004, 11:14 AM	#25 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Yeah but I didn't see them on the road We were walking through the Banff Springs Hotel and some people told us that there were some elk in this little fenced in area. So the boys decided it would be a good idea to jump the fence and get some pictures. I stayed behind the fence cause I don't want to mess with something that could kill me pretty damn easily... I took pictures but they didn't come out at all, the flash sucked __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

08-08-2004, 06:23 AM	#27 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Eeek! Well that would have been bad. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

08-08-2004, 06:35 AM	#28 (permalink)
splck it's jam Location: Lowerainland BC	Here's a moose sign. If you saw one of these beasts, you wouldn't get it confused with a deer. __________________ nice line eh?