platypus

I was born in the United States. Not my idea, but then I was never consulted. I have lived here for 41 years now, and for the first 25 or so, I believed we had it best.
Then I met the woman who would become my wife.

She was born in Brisbane, a RAAF brat so grew up all over. Her family now lives on the Gold Coast. I met her in a pub in Washington, D.C. a couple months before she was to move back home. I convinced her to stay. That was over 15 years ago.

I have been to Australia 6 or 7 times since then, each trip lasting about a month. With each visit it gets more difficult to keep from cashing in my return ticket.
Never before have I had the desire to live in another country. Now the idea consumes me.

My experiences over the last 15 years with the laid-back lifestyle, easygoing attitude, and ready friendship has so influenced me that I feel my whole outlook on life has changed. This can be summed up in words often spoken to me by Australians, friends and strangers alike.

"No worries, mate. Have a beer."

So here is a list of some of my Aussie experiences and some things about me no doubt influenced by the Lucky Country.

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I have landed at Sydney airport and within an hour have been half pissed at a party at a boat launch on the harbor, with people I didn't even know. You sure are a friendly lot.

I have been proudly paraded around the local RSL by my new father-in-law. "'Ere's me son-in-law. He's a Yank, but he's olright, eh." Everyone greated me with a smile, a handshake, and a hearty "On ya, mate!"

I've been pub crawlin around Surfers Paradise with my brother-in-law and his mates, only to find myself the only one sober enough to drive us all home. Sure glad you guys drive on the left side of the road, cuz that's where I was.

I have played backyard Cricket at my father-in-law's. Was doing pretty good until I knocked the only papaya off his favorite paw paw tree. Cost me a carton of XXXX.

I like Cricket...and mostly understand it. I prefer one-day, but will happily sit through 5-day tests drinkin piss with the out-laws. Not a bad way to kill a week actually.

I like vegemite. With poached eggs on toast, it's bloody marvelous.

I own 6 eskies and 2 BBQ grills...and use them often...sometimes all at once. I have a full-size fridge just for beer and keep it well stocked.

I can quote Kevin Bloody Wilson songs by heart. "Stack the fridge and stoke the bong. We're stayin home tonite."

I have climbed Ayers rock...twice. Didn't buy the shirt though.

I own an Australian Cattle Dog. She's a red one. So she goes faster.

My 9-year-old daughter ends her ABC's with "zed". Much to her teacher's chagrin.

I own a Cricket bat, stumps and bails. Dog ate the ball.

I have fed a wild dingo from my dinner plate. They looooove snags.

I have eaten kangaroo, emu, crocodile, and baramundi. Mmmmmm...baramundi.

I love meat pies. I don't know what's in them. I asked once and was told I don't want to know. I figure it's horse lips, gristle, and 30 weight motor oil. Great with tomato sauce though.

I've been to Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Cairns, and many points between. I don't have a single negative thing to say about any of them. Except maybe that some are bloody hot. Of course that's easily countered by liberal application of the amber necter.

My favorite band... AC/DC.

My daughter's favorite band... AC/DC.

My guilty pleasure... INXS.

I have seen Steve Irwin in person play grab-ass with his overgrown pet lizards. Does this guy ever tone it down?

I have been run over by a wombat.

I have been pissed on by a koala.

I have been chased by a goanna. Well, he was a bloody big one.

I have stepped on a black snake. Who says white men can't jump?

I have eaten a Mulga berry that was dry and full of little black bugs. Lots of little black bugs.

I have climbed Kings Canyon. Didn't buy the shirt for this one either.

I have d'Arcy Doyle prints hanging on my walls at home.

I have ridden (held on to) a horse at near on full gallup down the side of a mountain in the Gold Coast Hinterland. Scared the crap out of me. The Man from Snowy River, I am most definitely not.

I bought a stuffed kangaroo head mounted on a wooden plaque and brought it home in my suitcase. You should have seen the look on the face of the customs guy running the x-ray machine.

I can throw a boomerang, have it come back and catch it. My father-in-law says I must be part Abo. He's not exactly politically correct. Probably why we get along so well.

I toasted in the new millenium with Aussie friends and family while watching fireworks light up the Gold Coaast.
---

It's the Aussie influence - living with someone who refers to rain as 'liquid sunshine'.
Every day I become a little more like her, see the world through less worrisome eyes.
Hopefully when we do finally move, only my accent will give me away as a "bloody Seppo".

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Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.

bing bing

thanks for sharing bro.

Dil

glad you liked it, we aim to please

slimshaydee

geez mate you've been pissed on by a koala, ahh well she'll be right mate

anywho you aint a true aussie till you've
1. got pissed at the cricket and/or invaded the pitch
2. had an encounter with a drop bear

Ella

God damn, call me a softie and spank my ass, but that was one of the most emotional things I have read for a long time - articulate, sensitive and very amusing. Thanks sweets!

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"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

Latch

From one Yank to another.. well-said!

AlamoAussie

Fair dinkum, that was one of the best posts I have ever read - EVER.

Congrats mate, but you have made me feel very homesick

Meridae'n

Congrats, only an aussie would understand that universal law.

__________________
What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

TIO

Mate, you were doing so well up until that bit! A-R-S-E. Learn to spell.

Bloody seppos.

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Strewth

platypus

Hah! Should have known that one.

Problem there is it's written and at home I really only hear such things. My wife may sometimes call me an arse
but she doesn't write it down in a note and leave it on the fridge.

I'm learning.

__________________
Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.

cchris

Champion effort.


Great reflections there platypus.

GoldenOuroboros

A Carton of beer will fix almost anything.. heh

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Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

Kajiro

Haha... Congrats, you're more Australian than me (in a way. I'm talking in the "I haven't been pissed on by a koala" way.) Glad to see you're enjoying yourself.