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05-10-2003, 11:03 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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The Griffin
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The Secret Is Out... The Method Is In...
I just provide the facts - make up your own mind ...
of what is truth & what is fiction... Exhibit A British Penguin Abuse Must Stop! Thanks to Dave Holle Special to The Libertarian Enterprise A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs. -- Audubon Society Magazine PENGUIN LINKAGE #1 Exibit B - Courtesy of Beardodrome We've all seen them. Cute, furry penguins swimming, jumping and pooping in the streets all around town. But noone seems to ask where they come from. Well we know. And the answer isn't pretty. It appears that particular employees of MattPay, Inc. have created an underground operation involving the illegal sale and trade of penguins. These penguins are held in extremely unsanitary conditions, are fed the bare minimum needed to survive, and are treated with cruelty by their captors. To bring you the most accurate and complete report of this alarming situation we sent an undercover agent deep into the heart of this operation.  The penguins are held for days in cages such as this, with little if any light, and no exposure to the outside world. As is typical, the captors are nowhere to be seen.  Penguins are forced into manual labor by their captors. Perhaps this is to build up their strength and make them more attractive as slave laborers.  Food is scarce so the creatures are forced to pick through the trash for something to eat.  Sanitary facilities are completely inappropriate for these poor birds.  The horror doesn't end there! Penguins are involved in grotesque medical experiments as well! Here we see one of these flightless birds careening through the air, clearly out of control.  The mistreatment doesn't begin here, either! Here we see an exclusive photo of penguins recently captured in their native land and forced onto slave ships for transport to North America. This business is a worldwide operation! Escape! While toiling undercover, our agent shot amazing pictures of one penguin's daring escape attempt. [img]http://www.beardodrome.com/penguin/expose/roof1.jpg [/img] The penguin runs out an open window and onto the roof! Too bad you can't fly, little bird!  Freedom is just a step away! Our penguin leaps over a fence and is heading for the water ..  But no! Our hero is captured at the last moment!  As punishement, the penguin is forced to spend the next day in solitary confinement. And if he acts up, death is just a button press away. Another escape attempt captured on film...  Here another penguin makes a dash for freedom.  Down the stairs he waddles - our bird sees the door to safety!  He's out the front door! How does a 3 ounce bird open an 8 foot tall door anyway?  Not content with finally being out in the wild, this bird has stolen a car! What could he be thinking? Obviously, permanent damage has been done. And where does he go? The pub! This poor bird, after untold days of abuse, has been driven to drink...  ...& drink ... &drink some more!!! PENGUINAGE LINK #2 I can't take the abuse any longer... I mean not only can a 3 ounce bird open an 8 foot door weighing easily 100 pounds but to be driven so far to the point of drowning himself in multiple schooners of Guiness must surely be a harrowing memory... Last edited by Hanxter; 05-10-2003 at 11:06 AM.. |
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05-10-2003, 11:12 AM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Pro Libertate
Location: City Gecko
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Super Funny..
The Penquin abuse by the RAF is true... As for a penguin opening doors without opposable thumbs, strikes me a fantasy.
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[color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass "If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers." Confucious |
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05-10-2003, 11:14 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Squid hat!
Location: A Few Miles Away From Halx
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HAHAHAAHA
 Damn pengiuns... they were supposed to mow my lawn three weeks ago..
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05-12-2003, 12:26 PM
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#14 (permalink) |
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Human
Administrator
Location: Chicago
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That second one is video of my very own escape
 As for how I opened the door.....that must remain my secret until I spread the word to my penguin brethren and break them free!
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Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling |
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05-12-2003, 12:38 PM
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#15 (permalink) |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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Penguin Attack
THEY ATTACK THEY ATTACK They are on a rampage Unleashed from ancient time Stumbling from the ice age Marching side by side Beaks of steel are flaming Women are enraged Sky of death is flaming Women get engaged They were born of atomic steel Life and death to them seemed so unreal Slashing at the ramparts Hurling ton's of shot Shopping now at Wal Mart Smoking tons of pot They are on a rampage They were first to fight They would write a new page If they could only write They were born of atomic steel They attack Life and death to them was so unreal They attack C'mon baby, kick 'em in the ding - ding Trouble on the double's what it b-b-b-b bring bring They were born of atomic steel They attack It's a penguin attack So get back They were born of atomic steel Life and death to them was so unreal They attack. armored phalanxes flanking maneuvers vomiting terror Gibsons and Hoovers Blasted by fusion Kicked in the head just to make sure we chopped up their dead It's a penguin attack They were born of atomic steel Life and death to them was so unreal Stumbling from the ice age They were last in flight They would write a new page If they could only write Rumbling from the ice age They were last in line They would start a new age If they could just take time It's a penguin attack C'mon baby, kick him in the ding-ding Trouble on the double's what it b-b-b-b-bring bring They attack It's a penguin attack They were born of atomic steel They attack Life and death to them was so unreal They attack Nice game to play...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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07-11-2005, 09:16 PM
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#20 (permalink) |
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Wicked Clown
Location: House Of Horrors
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thank you,
thank you, i'd like to thank my sponsors, my friends, my family... ect ect  i thought newbies would enjoy it... i did, and i wasn't around 2 years ago to see it... 
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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular." 
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| Tags |
| method, secret |
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BASTARD
