Onion Headlines You Would Like To See - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Bob Biter · 11-11-2003, 08:18 PM

Anybody that's cool reads the Onion on a weekly basis (because, you see, there is only one edition per week). However, I often think of headlines I would like to see on this fine publication, as well as the sort of articles its authors would write about them. So, this is a call to all avid Onion readers out there, please share some of your headlines with all of the Tilted folk!

Here are some of mine:

- Area Voodoo Priest Out of Mojo, Juju
- Horny Toothfairy Wants Cavity Filled
- Bald Spot Flaunted
- Sugar Daddy Sours Relationship
- Bird Flipped Off
- Area Bus Driver Hugs Woman With Exact Change
- Clown College Offers "Coping With Gloss" Course

Bob Biter · 11-12-2003, 04:46 PM

Here are some more!

- Ask an Affable Government Clerk
- Couch Moved From Curb To Porch
- Point-Counterpoint: Tony Danza "Who's the Boss?" vs. Bruce Springsteen "I'm the Boss."
- Lactose Intolerant Aunt Really Milking It
- Donkey Punched
- Mellon Balled
- Area Restaurant Claims Special Sauce: "More Than Just Mayo and Ketchup"
- Trucker Cap Fad Forces Truckers To Switch To Fedorahs

Tophat665 · 11-29-2003, 01:58 PM

- Pope confirms his Catholicism
- College of Cardinals elects Pope George Ringo
- Texas gets over insecurity. Says, "OK, you can mess with us now."
- Weather from Point Barrow: Jesus H. Keeerist! It's fucking COLD!
- Australians begin to think of themselves as "Up Over".
- Money maker shaken in dance disaster.
- First fans line up to purchase Star Wars, episode 3 tickets.
- Area man concerned about deforestation, bear lavatories.
- Who let the dogs out? Police apprehend suspect.

Tophat665 · 11-29-2003, 02:34 PM

Some that relate to your first one:
- Area Mojo still out of work
- Mojo rises while stocks, bonds fall

11-11-2003, 08:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	Onion Headlines You Would Like To See Anybody that's cool reads the Onion on a weekly basis (because, you see, there is only one edition per week). However, I often think of headlines I would like to see on this fine publication, as well as the sort of articles its authors would write about them. So, this is a call to all avid Onion readers out there, please share some of your headlines with all of the Tilted folk! Here are some of mine: - Area Voodoo Priest Out of Mojo, Juju - Horny Toothfairy Wants Cavity Filled - Bald Spot Flaunted - Sugar Daddy Sours Relationship - Bird Flipped Off - Area Bus Driver Hugs Woman With Exact Change - Clown College Offers "Coping With Gloss" Course __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

11-12-2003, 04:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	Here are some more! - Ask an Affable Government Clerk - Couch Moved From Curb To Porch - Point-Counterpoint: Tony Danza "Who's the Boss?" vs. Bruce Springsteen "I'm the Boss." - Lactose Intolerant Aunt Really Milking It - Donkey Punched - Mellon Balled - Area Restaurant Claims Special Sauce: "More Than Just Mayo and Ketchup" - Trucker Cap Fad Forces Truckers To Switch To Fedorahs __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

11-29-2003, 01:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	- Pope confirms his Catholicism - College of Cardinals elects Pope George Ringo - Texas gets over insecurity. Says, "OK, you can mess with us now." - Weather from Point Barrow: Jesus H. Keeerist! It's fucking COLD! - Australians begin to think of themselves as "Up Over". - Money maker shaken in dance disaster. - First fans line up to purchase Star Wars, episode 3 tickets. - Area man concerned about deforestation, bear lavatories. - Who let the dogs out? Police apprehend suspect. __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

11-29-2003, 02:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Some that relate to your first one: - Area Mojo still out of work - Mojo rises while stocks, bonds fall __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.