No she sat on her ass.

My finger is bleeding from playing too much guitar...

wrong. its an illusion. thats just ketchup from leftover carl's jr.





im naked.

You're in your birthday suit.

The Flames are gonna win the cup.

The flames are going to melt hrought the ice and drown.

Breaking up is hard on you.

Nay Nay - breaking up is easy. Staying broken up is hard.

It's never wise to piss into the wind

Only unwise if you piss parallel with the wind. If you piss at a 45 (or even as little as 20) degree angle into the wind, the piss will form a parabola off to the side of you. It can be especially useful if you are outdoors and have to go into the forest to piss, but there are lots of people downwind, so you have to face upwind to preserve your dignity.


Don't eat yellow snow.

Unless its a lemon flavoured snow cone.

Pantera kicks so much ass.

Pantera must not kick THAT much ass, because I have 0 idea what Pantera is.

Dude, I totally saw you at the Pantera show down at at the Open Mike last night. You were wearing a Pantera bandana.

Water is wet.

You forgot about dry ice.

I fucked up last time.

Not quite, my friend - you claimed you had no idea what Pantera is, and obviously, you're about number 3 on their Biggest Fans of All Time list.

White men can't jump

my best friend is the living antithesis (6'0'', can dunk on default 10' rim).


I'm holding a blank cdr.

Its not blank the label is,Its full of Michael Bolton's music.


(Where the hell has this game been?!?! Me too me too me too...)


I am too drunk to be in public.

You're just pretending to be drunk so you can say yes to the next hot guy who tries to take you home from the bar. I saw you putting eyeliner on in the bathroom- steady as a rock.

My toe nails have little flowers painted on them.

I'm afraid they are not little flowers, red, but little mushrooms. If you look closely you will be able to see the difference. In fact, they may be magic.

Nope - you only thought you met her. She is pretty intricate, however; she sent her evil twin brother to meet you, dressed up as her all the way down to the mangina, so she could scout you out.

The tires are the things on the car that make contact with the road

***bullshit flag***

tires are the things we used to throw baseballs through (while they were swinging from a tree)...



gold is not made from lead...

Alchemists could make lead into gold, but the government found them out and shut them down.

Banana peels are easy to slip on.

banana peels are easy to peel, not slip on.. get it right.. duhh!

drinking before work is a great idea!

Wrong, it makes you too sleepy by lunch.

Flat tires are cool......

balderdash!

if flat tires were cool, they'd be inflated...


she did it all for the love of ivy...

No Phil,She did it all for a white family if I remember correctly..




Ankle socks Are a fasion faux pas.

horsefeathers!

not when you're wearing golf shoes and shorts...


feather boas are passe...

I must beg to differ, my philacious friend. Feather boas are the only way to go when you want to make an entrance at a Drag Party.

That Hansel - so hot right now

Assuming Hansel is a man... I am a man also meaning I do not find him attractive or 'hot'

I let the cat out of the bag.

wrong..........you grabbed the cat by the bag man....


our dog,chased that cat too.

Not necessarly. Maybe the dog and cat were simply running in similar directions with similar paths, and it came to look like they were chasing.

My car is in the garage.

heh, better look again...


a rolling stone gathers no pinfeathers...

unless it is covered in honey (or another sticky substance) and is rolling through a field of pinfeathers...whatever those are.

The background of TFP is green

Unless you have it on another blue or beige setting

Pepsi > Coke

Unless of course you are speaking of acid concentration and caffiene levels, or health in general. Pepsi ranks dead last in it's "performance," making Coke > Pepsi on that scale.

My glass of Pepsi is empty.

oh come now...how can it be a glass of pepsi if there's no pepsi in it?


"Duck Soup" was funny...

Sorry, phil, but it was a whimsical farce. The Marx brothers never intended it to be funny. Instead, through the controlled use of imagery, they intended to test the fabric of pop culture in a new and innovative way.

My butt is sore from too many hours here.

You know full well your butt is sore from.. um.. other things. :X Blame it on that damn chair.




My butt is sore from too many hours of sitting on Peetster.

Hah!!! I laugh in thine face..."sitting" on Peetster...what a colloquial way to put it. Suffice it to say that your claim is an out and out lie.

Six's status is in Peetster's conically-topped scrotum.

I'm sorry, Peetster's scrotum has been bottom'd out for quite some time now...


If I go to bed after 6 am, work is going to be slow as fuck (ya know a long slow almost tortorous fuck.... just go with it damn you).

"If I go to bed after 6 am, work is going to be slow as fuck "

WRONG!

If you don't goto bed at all and do a couple lines first work will be just fine.


Bears don't shit in the woods.

Bears shit wherever they like,and you know it.



Some people are disrespectful.

au contraire, ma soeur...people are people, only their actions are disrespectful...


i only took one mulligan yesterday...

Since yesterday in your post was 6/13 and it is now 6/30, you did not take 1 mulligan in what we experienced as yesterday.


Boys have a penis.....girls have a vagina.