taking a dump
 

you ever get those kinds of dumps where they feel like they will be enormous but then after 5 minutes of hardcore pushing only a couple of little marble sized shits fall out. i just had one of those and i thought it sucked and just wanted to share it with you.

I damnit hate those.

That is so nasty but true.

yeah, why does that happen? i usually get it when i fly somewhere for vacation. so much effort for little shit balls.

i find it funny that everyone knows what i am talking about and we all feel the same way.

At the risk of turning this thread down right disgusting I constantly see my shit and think...."I haven't been eatin nuts!" "I don't even like nuts! I hate them" from what I hear it's really solidified mucus or some shit. I too hate the little shits that require big effort but....thats life and as a wise man once said....."Shit happens"

Asta!!

Umm...guys must go to the bathroom differently than women. You guys spend hours in there and...well...girls dont. lol

yeah, right

Okay, bad me for generalizing. I mean...well, I don't. lol I don't see why it takes so long.

I should have stayed out of this thread lol :p

dude, i am usually in and out in like 2 minutes.

Re: taking a dump
 

Dammit I just had that last night! Felt like it was break the toilet bowl, but it turned out to be approximately the size and shape of a small handful of dry dog food. I sat there hoping for the real ones to show up but ended up walking away that much more disappointed.

Ya ever take a shit so HUGE that you almost didn't wanna flush it? :) Seen a huge one once. Wasn't mine though. Someone discovered it at school I shit you not (no pun intended ;)) the thing was as big and thick as my fuckin forearm. You couldn't even flush it. For fun we tried several times wasn't budging. Every guy in the school damn near knew about it haha. We'd shove our heads out the door and be like "SOMEBODIES BLEEDING FROM THE ASSHOLE!!" If we had a camera we Def woulda taken a picture a that shit. Had to be some kinda record. Didn't even look real the end of it was straight like the shit was sliced off haha. Finally a Janitor came in with a stick and cut it up in a bunch a pieces and flushed it then cleaned the toilet. Killed all the fun. Good times none the less though.

Asta!!

2 days ago I had a turd that reached from the front of the toilet (think if a turd went stright down from you and then fell forward at the longest length it could) and reached all the way into the drain farther than I could see. Well over 2 feet. Amazing!

Ha so did you almost not want to flush it? Men take pride in their large shits. Like it's an accomplishment :)

Asta!!

hahahah i saw a poop page once that took pictures of all the different 'types' of poop and analyzed it. this is what this thread reminds me of.

but the marble sized ones.. damn i haven't had them in a long time. it usually takes me less than 5 minutes to shit.

It's kind of relaxing...in there with a good magazine... ;)

Also on a side note...I hate low flow toilets! The damn government had to interfere with our toilet size, and I get clogs all the time with them, even with MULTIPLE courtesy flushes (remember your courtesy flushes in public bathrooms, folks ;)). I think it's just the all the TP trying to go down at the same time because it happens no matter what else is in there. I can't believe that I'm actually saving water in the long run due to this. I read a newspaper article in the Detroit News a few years ago about people smuggling in normal toilets in from Canada, maybe I'll have to try that if faced with a low flow toilet again, or maybe I can just get one of the "industrial flush force" public toilets. We would save a lot more water by installing urinals in every bathroom and teaching women to use them (it is of course possible, I don't have links to the technique but I'm sure everyone's favorite search engine can find them).

The urinals here run water constantly. They are old and crappy. The toilets are awesome though. They may be loud as hell but you couldn't clog one with a teddy bear.

If your crap is like small hard marbles or whatever, you need more fibre!

this thread is hilarious though :D

Another question though, is poo broken up inside you (in the large intestine etc) or is it like a toothpaste and breaks off whilst squeezing it out.

Sorry if this is a little graphic or upsetting :p

^^ The latterYeah I hate that too especially when you have to do multiple flushes and someone comes banging on the door and you're like "I'm in here!!" and then they're like "I already heard you flush what are you doing in there?!" "I'm still going!" "Yeah right you liar! You're playing with yourself aren't you?!!" "NO DAMMIT!!" I usually save that for after I've already shit and wiped and quietly cleaned my hands so if someone does bang on the door I can just get up and leave and finish in my room :D The other way you gotta hurry up and wipe.

Asta!!

I was doing some research on different kinds of poo and I stumbled on this site: poopreport

Don't go there though. It's shit.

Lol ... the only thing worse than marble shits are phantom shits ..

It's crazy that you can shit out a 20ft snake in a matter of seconds.

I read a few reply's that some of you use alot of effort trying to get your...ummm...Shit out. Don't push, There should never be any pushing. Just let your ass do the work, I think you can get some nasty things from straining and forcing it out.

This thread is kinda nasty and funny at the same time.

I hate the shits where it feels like your ripping a new asshole...Haven't had that in a long time..I don't miss them either. I guess that is constipation maybe...Dry shits suck ass.

That's one thing I sometimes look forward too...Grab a magazine and chill in the bathroom for 10 or 15 minutes reading.

I can't believe I am talking about my bathroom habits...Oh well.

I hate the little shits, You know..when it falls out of your ass and the water splashes back up...I just hate that feeling for some reason.

Oh yeah, IC3, the ones where you feel like you're giving birth are the worst. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll have to have an episiotomy of the butt!

The best ones are when you go to wipe and there's nothing - perfect dump!!

how can a thread just about shit and shitting go on for so long?!! is that what we've been reduced to?? well it looks like it soooo....#1 drink some tea #2 find a magazine #3 pick up your mobile #4 sit down relax and shit!

The only reason men spend so long in the toilet is because its the one private sanctum remaining when your girlfriend is around...

(ps lovin quickquote!)

I never spend more than 5 minutes on a dump. The bathroom is no sanctum... it's a gross place where I go to crap.
Spashback... that is horrible... so is dipping your doughnut (longjohn).
Mine's both toothpaste and little peices of broken up shit.

Deleted, don't worry.

!

lol, that happens to me a lot of the time, thankfully. I like to call it a swish, since i am a basketballer. :p
hmmm i even have my own names....

this thread is getting quite bad, but i still can't help laughing.

Like giving birth to a couple of dozen ball-bearings. Thanks for sharing that with us. Now I'll go eat my supper....

I find it comical that I found this thread right after...uh... I left the "throne". IC3, I cannot agree with you more on the "ripping you a new asshole" dumps. But this whole thread has got me laughing so damn hard, that I'm going to have to go take another...

This thread didn't make me laugh at all. It's probably because I talk about this sort of thing with all my friends, whether they like it or not. Ha!

omg this is hilarious. and my woman thinks i'm the only gross male that talks about shit so freely, lol.

Ahahahaha I hate the splashing too(though it does aid the cleaning process a wee bit) my bro in law told me sumfin different though. The hover technique. Ya just lift up off the toilet seat just a little bit before deploying and the splash misses your asshole. Of course I'm too paranoid to move an inch off the thing. Who else here takes a shit with their shirt off? I find it best for me. I'm at ease that the shirt isn't in the way...plus sometimes it gets ufckin hot in bathrooms.

Asta!!

I've had worse conversations with women before.

I used to before I moved to college. Especially if I had the runs.

Funny thing is I still did it even when I was in the dorms. The stalls had coat hangers in em I assumed thats what they were for. I don't care how clean they convince me that fuckin toilet is I'm not puttin my bare ass on it. Spend 3 min linin the bitch with toilet paper coverin every inch. Those stupid scientists on Big Urban Myth show were like "It's silly really there are worse germs on your cell phone than on a toilet seat" Yeah well ya smart ass bitch at least I know my cell phone has never been shit on, pissed on, puked on, and jizzed on before so...you fuckin sit on it. Idiots.

Asta!!

LOL. The germs you are worried about die from light exposure or air exposure long before you shit on.. sit on the toilet.

Knaw mean see I'm wipin piss off before I sit there yo I could be whipin that shit off with pure amonia I ain't sittin on that shit yo. Nuh uh NOOOOOO SPANK YOU!

Asta!!

I had one of those huge shits last month... I'm talking amazingly huge, like curling around the circumference of the toilet TWICE!! I ran out with my pants around my ankles to get my girlfriend to come and see.... she wasn't as impressed as I would have imagined.

I am a speed shitter too.... I sit down and can expel everything in like 30 seconds... gf takes 20 minutes ;)

Ha, ha, ha. That's awesome. You still have a cool girlfriend considereing she even puts up with that. Ha.