|
Q: Do you ever masturbate?
A: I like the taste of it, but cannot stand the smell. |
Q: do you like to give oral sex?
A:$6.95 plus fucking sales tax. |
Q: How much did you pay for your ukelele flyman?
http://www3.telus.net/kenman_pics/stuff/ukelele.gif A: I don't know, I was really drunk at the time. |
Q: now why would you put that pic of me up there?
A: past the barn,up the hill,then hang a right. |
q: how do i get to moocow rave where the moocows are dancing to techno moo-sic?
a: lots of pie, naked ladies with large breasts, spinach, oh and it was on the moon. |
Q: Did you hear about that disease that causes people to speak complete giberish?
A: It's nothing a little super glue won't cure. |
Q: my balls keep falling off; what should I do?
A: old pansies and my trousers. |
Q. what exactly did you put in that pie?
A. I thought the bleeding would stop if i put some butter on it |
Why did you apply butter to your nose?
Sex |
Q: What's your favorite pastime?
A: That's the way I planned it. |
Q. So while you were in Las Vegas, you lost all your money and had sex with a one legged prostitute?
A. Well nobody told me that's what you were supposed to do with it. |
Q: You do realize that pill was meant to be swallowed, and not used as a suppository? No, no, don't swallow it now!!
A: That's why I had to run away. |
Q. Could it have been the horrible stench coming from the bathroom after you were done in there?
A. a banana, the Washington Monument, a cannon. |
What are things as big as my dick?
Man, if only they'd have told me that, I wouldn't have jumped off that cliff! |
Q: What is the law of gravity?
A:Where is the telephone? |
Q: Why won't you stop asking me where the telephone is?
A: Yeah, when hell freezes over! |
Q: What's your opinion on people who dodges questions by changing the subjecy?
A: Bugs Bunny in that Girl Bunny Outfit -late post- |
Q: What turn's yer crank?
A: A can opener with a bucket of chicken. |
Q: How do I open this corn, and what's for the rest of dinner?
A: 42 small minded wrestling fans. |
Q: How many people did Brett "The Hitman" Hart fall on?
/ Going to Hell, apologies in advance A: I'll ask Satan that once I get there. |
Q. Dude you're going to hell. Why in the world did you steal 30 bag lunches?
A. Sorry sir, this party is strictly for invited members only. |
Q: Hey, I'm uh... with the... DJ? Band? I know the owner.
A: No, but i'll be damned if it don't squeek from time to time. |
Q: Why did you let that go in the meeting?
A: First and third. |
Q: Which suspect in the lineup stole your Preperation H creme?
A: She does that like you wouldn't believe. |
Q: Does your maid lick the stains off the sheets?
A. Not unless you spread them really well. |
Q: Can I ever look like Goatse?
A: That's what I'm doing here! |
Q:is that what you're doin',jerkin' it to the titty board?
A:go ahead,look right at it,it's safe. |
Q: Is it safe to open goatse.jpg?
A: Because the cream feels really good. |
Q: You have a bleeding wound, why are you using Neosporin?
A: I was running full speed. |
Q: Hey, Nose, why did you drown all those children?
A: Oooohh! Because it burns and itches! |
q: why do you need my preparation h?
a: a kickass stereo |
Q: WHAT was stolen out of your car?
A: No problem! I do that every morning..... |
Q: Is there no one who can solve world hunger, create world peace, and fight off the alien invasion?
A: Because I found his lack of faith...disturbing. |
Q. So tell me again, why did you decide to put your brother up for sale on Ebay?
A. Because she caught me sleeping with our donkey again. |
Q: Why'd yer wife bitch-slap you so many times?
A: Somewhere between the Bermuda triangle and the Equator. |
Q : Where did all those ships disapear?
A: A piece of salmon |
Q. Now class, for our next question: Who can tell me what World War 5 was fought over?
A. It was that ill tempered goose from down the street! |
Q: Who was talking about Afliac Insurance?
A: I get amazing pleasure from it. |
Q: Why didn't you feed the walrus yesterday?
A: My god, it's huge. |
Q: Now do you see why I didn't feed it?
A: Ask your mother. |
Q. Does sex feel like apple pie?
A. Dammit, boy! How many times have I told you?!?! |
Burn then Pilliage or Pilliage then Burn?
Fourteen inches limp. |
Q: How low did you do the the limbo, and what was your secret?
A: I guess I just stopped at the right time. |
Q: So why didn't she get pregnant if you didn't use a condom?
A: No, it's 12:03. |
Q:so you masterbate at midnite on fridays?
A:yeah...this long weekend. |
Q: Have you ever seen your grandparents making whoopi?
A: That is not what she said. |
Q: So, I hear your girlfriend told you about that horrible STD she has, eh?
A: That's the way it's meant to be |
Q: How the hell is KISS still touring?
A: You can take a hourse to water but you can't make him drink |
Q. Right, so after dinner we go back to my place. After a bit I pulled it out and she just sat there frozen...what gives?
A. I'm sorry sir, I cannot help your right now, this is the non emergency line. Please hang up and dial 9-1-1 |
Q: I've superglued my balls to my leg. Can you send the paramedics over?
A: We will cross that bridge when we come to it. |
Q: So, exactly how are we going to travel around the world in a car?
A: No, it's over there! |
Q:I've misplaced my cadaver, would you mind pointing it out to me?
A: I always do, it is just a habit I can't shake. |
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|
Q. And why do you have your finger up your butt again?
A. She had it coming! |
Q: Why did you kick Joan Rivers in the face?
A: He's an ugly fucking kid. |
Q. Yea this has been a pretty good college reunion. Oh I heard you had a child a few years back. How's that going?
A. Sorry, I wish I could go but you know how I get at those things. |
Q: So, I guess your fiance will be expecting you at your wedding any time now?
A: I did that once, and they stayed that way. |
Q: Doing any more puppetry of the penis tricks?
A: Fuck you, dude. That's not cool. |
Dont touch my ass! (not really a question but it fits:D)
Why the hell would i do that?! |
Q:Why don't you study hard, stay sober, be self sufficient and independent and strive to the best of your abilities?
A: It is just easier this way. |
Q:why do you do it doggy style in front of the TV watching hockey night in canada?
A:that's why i'm hungover like a shithouse rat. |
Q: Your sister was going to marry that mortician. Wasn't their wedding last night?
A: 76 |
Q: How many times have you watched Xanadu?
A: People should ask stuff like that. |
Q:What smells like shit?
A:painful rectal itch. |
Q: Could you give me one example of a hemorrhoidal symptom?
A: A big and tasty, humongous fries, and a milk shake. |
Q. Gross man, what had she eaten earlier that day?
A. Because he had his hand stuck in the picklejar. |
Q: Why didn't your friend call me like you said?
A: I downloaded that off the internet! |
Q: How did you get that hideous scar on your face?
A: I was just walking along, minding my own business, when bam! |
Describe the last time you heard a bam!
No! No! Not that! Anything but that! |
Q:you mind if we stuff this rat in your ass?
A:but....i didn't inhale. |
Q: So, be honest for once in your miserable life, what DID you do with that cigar?
A: I was just visiting. |
Q: Didn't you land on go directly to jail, asshole?
A: Orange soda has never made me pee purple |
Q: So, tell me why you prefer orange soda over turpentine?
A: I didn't know bears could do that. |
Why'd you have to screw something as small as a rabbit?
I can't, my hand's stuck. |
Q:When can you help me out without time machine scooter?
A: That question totally busted my nuts. |
Q: Is this the first time you've had your prostate tickled?
A: One down and two to go. |
Q:so have you gotten lucky with any of the wilson triplets?
A:no,no....blow is just a figure of speech. |
Q: What do you mean you didn't want me to blow up the orphange?
A: Not according to my calculations. |
Q: Is your dick bigger than mine?
A: It's actually chocolate. |
Q: Dude, is that shit on your dick?
A: RTFM! |
Q: When all else fails, what do you do?
A: Green side out, brown side in. |
Q. How do you lay sod?
A. Yeah, I got two blue balls on my birthday! |
Q: Did she give you anything special for your birthday? (obvious?)
A: The Moon is a good place to start. |
Q: Where can I find my detachable penis?
A: Derek Jeter |
Q) What was the name of that player that dropped the ball, metaphorically speaking, that played for the Yankees?
A) Shiny side up, please. |
Q:and how do you prefer your naked bottoms sir?
A:well,you didn't tell me it was gonna be a fucking sausage party!!!! |
Q: Why'd you bolt so fast last night?
A: I don't know, but that shit stinks. |
Q: Could this be the lair of the famous Sasquatch?
A: Hey, you know perfectly well that Sunday is scrotum inflation- night. |
Q: Wanna see a movie tonight?
A: a Cat |
Q: What goes good with asparagus?
A: It was never my gun in the first place! |
Q: So I bought you the shells, the scope, and the flak jacket for no reason?<p>A:Hungry Hungry Hippo.
|
Q: What game board in this pile wont fit up your ass?
A: People who sleep with lots of people. |
Q: What is your definition of a "whore hopper"?
A: Sorry, that's not my job. |
Q: Will you please pop this pimple on my back, officer?
A: I used to do that outside. |
Q: Where did you shear your sheep before you got your indoor sheep pen?
A: Somewhere between 40 and 60. |
Q: In kilograms, what is a healthy weight for a 5' 0" woman?
A: Only after my zipper got rusty. |
Q: Have you always been turned on by WD-40?
A: The Fuzz. |
Q: What was that stuff you pulled outta yer navel?
A: It was salty. |
Q: Why did the hypertensive porno-star spit instead of swallow?
A: Two buns in the oven. |
Q: Whats Burning?
A: Just have to rub it lightly. |
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