Help me get laid
 

I was thinking about writing a sweet note to my girlfriend, but I don't actually want to write it. Please someone do it for me.
I will scream out the winners name during the ensuing lovemaking session.

how about:

Roses are Red,
My balls how they itch,
I need to come on your back,
Or you can suck me off, Bitch.

Pretty romantic, eh? That should score you some serious points.

I've tried that one already...

and we had sex for 8 days straight.

dammit wrkime now i cant stop laughing

I found a poem sure to win over any girl!

eukaryotic

euphonic
a jumble, a mumble
a tangled jangle
euphonic

romantic
stretched and taut
cannot be bought
romantic

pedantic
no word missed
schoolgirl promises
pedantic

erotic
possessive and tantric
elusive but iambic
erotic

teutonic
solid yet lucent
transit and flippant
teutonic

like magic
fingers are crossed
two minds embossed
like magic...

How about this one:

Roses are Red,
My balls are blue,
I need to fuck ya,
Not jerk off into your shoe.

Wasn't that romantic??

or the ever popular..................

roses are red.....
they grow in the grass.........
so bend over honey....
I'm gonna pound that ass!

Now would you leave me if your father, found out I was thuggin?
Do you believe me when I tell you, you the one I'm lovin?
Are you mad cause I'm askin you 21 questions?
Are you my soulmate? Cause if so, girl you're a blessin
Do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams?
I'm staring at ya trying to figure how you got in them jeans
If I was down would you say things to make me smile?
I treat you how you want to be treated just teach me how
If I was with some other chick and someone happened to see
and when you asked me about it I said it wasn't me
would you believe me, or up and leave me?
How deep is our bond if that's all it takes for you to be gone?
We only humans girl we make mistakes
To make it up I'll do whatever it take
I love you like a fat kid love cake
You know my style, I'll say anything to make you smile

then sing nate dogg's part...

hey man, 50 cent's a sensitive thug...

forcast for baaa

plenty of cold showers

Summer's heat is here
Short skirts and crop tops abound
I wan'na get laid

Another Haikooo

Irresistible
I can't think why but you are
Might be your big tits.

From a duck to a duck
How about a
Good ......

Like the warm summer air blowing palm trees at night.
Or the sillouette of a cruise ship sailing out of sight.
Me without you is more than I can stand.
Plus I'm sick of getting cum all over my hand.

dear sweetheart,

it's come down to either you fuck my brains out "tonight" or i'm gonna have to saunter over to the pub,get faced and pick up some ugly cougar that only is interested in one thing,and that's satisfying some poor sonofabitch like me that never gets nothin'.

well?
love baaa

if that doesn't work for ya'.....then what wrkime said has too.

(just cuz i laughed so hard at this....it was beautiful......damn near brought a tear to my eye.)

when she arrives home, announce to her that you´ve composed a poem in her honour...

you are a bitch
you winge a lot
you shit me to tears
i´m going down the pub

oh, wait... that might not work... but you could try it anyway.

I'm begining to think that you guys don't care wether or not I get laid.

Dearest (insert girlfriends name here),

As you know, I love you with all my heart. Seriously. That girl you caught gobbing my knob meant nothing to me. I'm not even sure of her name.

Having said all that, I need to tell you that a man has needs. Sweaty needs. Needs that can only be satisfied with lots of yelling, nudity and ass-spanking. Especially the ass-spanking part. That's very important.

I guess what I'm saying is, I want to lay you down in a bed of rose pedals and make sweet, sweet, Barry White love to you. I want to show you the depths of my love for you in a physical way, with the addition of ass-spanking.

I'll try not to fall asleep too soon afterwards, so we can engage in pillow talk. I know how you ladies like that.

Much love, with carnal thoughts and ass-spanking,

baaa

Hail Lover of Women!

Tell her what you tell all of them.
"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. It does this whenever it's told."
Chicks dig this.
-GH

That, my friend, is a tremendous effort. "you shit me to tears"? Fricking hilarious. Oh you make me laugh. Thanks. A "new classic", so to speak, in my "book", in a manner of speaking! :lol:

Dude, here it is...

While she's out pop in some porn and strip naked.

Get all aroused

When you hear her coming to the door just start some hand to gland combat.

Open the door with a real worried look on your face. Like your addiction to self abuse has reached a low and you NEED her help. You need to feel her and not your tired cold damp calussed hand.

If she says no... cum on her shoes

If u seriously wanted a good note I'd have my man help you out, hes great at that stuff, too bad hes on vacation in Spain right now :(

Apparently ya'll be interpreting my request for help in writing sumphin nice for my girl,with the completly WRONG ASSumption that I (the Great and Powerful Baaa) is not getting laid. That is simple not true. Tha Baaa is just trying to think in the long term, knowing that the best offence is a good defence. I figure that by doing nice things for her on occasion will keep me in the pink for as long as we are dating. And since we have been dating for close to two years now, I figure it is coming close to that time when I should do that "nice" thing.
So in conclusion, The Baaa gets laid all the time.

roses are red
violets are blue
baaa gets laid all the time
so how about givin badfish a shot at that action too

roses aren't blue
violents aren't red
but we can make them creamy-white
If you give me head.