The Stumble Inn
 

If I had a bar, I think it would be cool to have it named "The Stumble Inn"

So step up to the bar and order a drink!

Instead of Psychologist, I'm the bartender, and I'll need several assistants! I'll pick based upon who wants to stand behind the bar and be sober and who doesn't!

Welcome to the grand opening celebration!

Can I have some Hawaiian Punch? :p

fuck hawaiian punch man, how bout a scotch?

Hawaiian Punch and Scotch coming right up.

how about a Ketel One martini, extra dry with a twist, please, and keep them coming.

Ketel One Martini, extra dry with twist,

Vodka Martini

3 ounces Vodka
1 ounce Dry Vermouth
Shake with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with an olive.

Sorry, I don't qualify. I'm drunk.

two problems...
1) you gave me an olive when I asked for a twist, the drink is undrinkable with an olive.
2) Too much vermouth...swish the glass with vermouth and dump it out, then add the vodka.

You know, maybe I should help you tend the bar.

wrkime, that was your first test. your The Stumble Inns first bar assistant.

looks like I'm a bar back now...need any glasses boss? How's the bottled beer doing? I'm going to double check the kegs and the CO2 in the walk-in.

I like your attitude. You keep all tips, and all the free liquor you can steal out the back.

::loading up my car with vodka::

Hey we're out of vodka...let's use water instead, as long as people are ordering mixed drinks they won't know the difference. We'll mix it with hand sanitizer so it has that alcohol taste.

The kegs are all set, by the way.

Thanks wrkime....I think it may be time we hire another bartender. Us 2 couldn't possibly supply all of TFP with alcohol. They'll drink us dry.

We'll look for new recruits over the next few days.

What about me? ;) Can I be an assistant?

In the meantime, pass me a shot of Absinth, a teaspoon of a sugar and your lighter. You better have a lighter. I'll kick your ass if you don't.
Now, question; what do you think i'm going to do with these items?

Here's your lighter and drop the attitude or you'll be bounced. Make sure I get my lighter back. You want some matches?

The answer to your question is that you are going to add the sugar to the Absinth and heat it. It makes it more tasty.

Absinthe: contains wormword; also, a hallucinogen.

You have all the makings of a barkeep.....but we'll see.

Hey boss, are we a smoke-free bar or can our patrons light up?

Sure, light up all they want. Just in a certain section.

WE NEED A BOUNCER!

Where's Bones? He'd be a good bouncer. We need to make sure their qualified.

I'm thinking they need to have atleast a felony to qualify for bouncer.

Bones would make a good one. Possibly World's King.

KWSN wants to be the bouncer. KWSN also has a very good reason; because he is this guy.

http://www.johnshaft.com/theman/hayes.jpg

That's right, KWSN is Isaac Hayes. Well, not actually Isaac Hayes, but he looks like Isaac Hayes. Actually, he looks nothing like Isaac Hayes, but he has a tough, deep voice like Isaac Hayes. Actually, he bears no resemblance whatsoever, in any way, shape, or form to Isaac Hayes, but he listens to his music a lot. KWSN thinks that this is a very good reason that he should be a bouncer.

Oh yeah, and KWSN used to be somewhat of a drunk and now is sober, which is good for a bouncer, because it gives him experience with drunks.

KWSN also speaks in third-person, which is another big plus. KWSN pities the fool who don't make him the bouncer.

Edit: And as for arrests, I have quite a few under my belt. Nothing too serious, but I know the ropes.

marcopolo would be a good candidate as well...we'll have to see if Mrs Polo will let him work at the bar.

A crazy person makes a good bouncer, I vote for KWSN.

An added benefit is that he is no longer stuck to Bones' balls.

As owner of The Stumble Inn, KWSN is the bouncer. Nothing scarier and threatening than a big black Isaac Hayes.

You stand at the door, shake drunks down for money, and kick the rowdy ones out.

Alright! Everybody down! This is a raid!

YzermanS19.. Detective Doc_34465, TFPPD.

Do you have a license for this establishment?

We have sources saying you've been selling an illegal narcotic here. You wouldn't no anything about that, now would you?

So what if he did, eh? KWSN don't see no warrant. You better show KWSN yo' warrant or get yo' punk ass outta here, YOU UNDERSTAND?

**Detective Doc_34465 stares KWSN down hard, then adresses YzermanS19**

I'll be on you like glue YzermanS19. You so much as spit on the pavement, and I'll be on you like stink on shit. You got that!

**To KWSN**
As for you, Punk! That your 5.0 out there being towed? Illegaly parked.. Thats gotta suck..

**Doc_34465 lights a cigarette as he makes for the door**

See ya around YzermanS19.. Heh Heh Heh..

Somenosuke wonders if Doc knows that she snuck out to egg his car and slash his tires while he was playing Mr. Tough Guy..


Tee hee hee...

Damn! Thats the third time this week..

The Sarge isn't gonna like this..

I used to frequent a place called the Stumble Inn in Tempe, AZ.
Anyone know if it's still there?

Hey KW, good to see you, brutha. *Hands KWSN a C note and walks up to the bar*
Hey wrkime, could I get a pint o'Guinness and a double Jaeger? ...Thanks, man.
Hey Y-man, did you ever hire that cute Miranda?

Ooo! *Ouch*

You can't bounce me without a bouncer.
Here's your lighter.
Mmm, yes - The French Ritual thankyou very much.

So anyway - Do I get a chance or what?

And thanks richeee ;)

Perfect pint of Guinness and your double Jaeger, richeee.

Miranda, sorry to have been so abrupt, but with this new job, I wanted to be assertive. Hang out, have a good time.

hey barkeep..................send me a freakin' beer down here eh.

ashtrays?i don't see no fuckin' ashtrays!!!

what kinda shithole is this?ohh................strippers,well hey this could be an allright place after all.

*shaking out the cobwebs from last night and thinking "Well its almost 10:00am"*

I'll take a black and tan and a little guy (shot of GM).

Not too many people in here today -- what's going on?

*Looks in flymans direction*

Smoked my last one on the way over here -- mind if I bum one from you?

be my guest.....you know where that damn barkeep is?

i just want a freakin' beer please.

Nice place. I been hanging out over at the "Stumble and Retch" watching the strippers. Your place looks cleaner.

sorry, flyman, I was taking a dump...here's your beer and ashtray.

and for you Troit a black and tan and a little guy

Ladies, Patrons, lend me your ears. Should we give Miranda a chance behind the bar???

Is Doc gone? I think we might have to bribe him.

/slides 2x Benjamins under a coaster towards Doc.

Enjoy your refreshment, officer.

Give Miranda a chance!! ^_^

Can I have another hawaiian punch, pleeeaaseee? (I'm underage, y'know.. no alkiehol for me!)

Alright, Miranda, next time your on, your behind the bar. Just the same as wrkime, keep the tips, and you two fight over the alcohol you can steal.

Keep everybody happy :)

I think someone forgot about me.. *sniffle*

One hawaiian punch coming up. :)

YAY! *happy nekkit dance..........remembers she's in public.*

Eeeep.

KWSN cracks his neck.

It's been a long, hard day, specially cause that punk-ass detective got KWSN's car towed... bitch comes back in here, y'all can expect fireworks.

Gimme the stiffest drink you got.

Here you go KWSN, a Snake bite...enjoy.

Somenosuke, you can be naked...naked girls are pretty.

*Stands up from table after visibly just waking up -- stumbling*

Holy shit... Its 2:30pm. Flyman what the f*ck was in the smoke you gave me?!?!

wrkime -- Another black and tan and make it 2 little guys this time...

oh man...this cracked me up so much my sides hurt.

sorry dude.must've givin' you the one from the left side of my pack.

how 'bout a shot of Jack please .

hey?who's the nekkid chick on the bar?she's purty.

Wow! It's lookin'like a sausage fest in here! Where are all the ladies?...I'll stick for a bit.....Hey barkeep!, I'll have a pint of Spaten

Here you go Troit, another black and tan and 2 little guys

Shot of Jack for Flyman and the nekkid chick is Miranda. Cute little spinner, eh?

GuttersnipeXL, light or dark on the Spaten?

::fresh bowls of popcorn and pretzels all around::

::clean ashtray for Troit::

By the way troit, you can't be sleeping in here, sorry, thems the rules.

::gives Flyman a disappointed look::

Flyman you should know better than to give troit the good shit.

Somenosuke!!! what the hell are you doing behind the bar naked?!?! what are you doing now?? ::ziiiiip:: Oh...umm...oh...uh, thanks? WOW!

mind if I pull up a seat? I'll have a Sleemans and maybe a prezel or two. Nice day we got going eh? Hey flyman, you gonna hooks me up?

one Delicious Canadian Cream Ale coming your way.

Flyman, remember the rules, don't give people shit they can't handle.

I said "sipping hawaiian punch" ! Not "sipping cock" !


:p:p:p:p:p

*finishes rest of Black and Tan, then throws the two little guys down, back to back*

wrkime -- gotta run man. You know those airplanes can't fly by themselves...Thanks for the drinks. That extra $20's for you...

Flyman -- I'll see you on the flip side...

You call it what you want, I'll call it what I want...besides you made an assumption that you shouldn't have.

I was marveling at your naked body, which you let me look at, then you pulled on your pants and zipped them up. Stunned at the beauty that had been before me just moments before, I was only able to stammer incoherently for a minute and then say thanks and WOW! I don't see anything wrong with that.

take it easy troit, don't let those bastards make you take a breathalizer...

sorry boss,won't happen again......

*hey splck...i'll meet ya' outside.i don't wanna piss of the barkeep eh.i hear he stirs your drink with his pecker if you don't play by the rules.*

I heard that....just trying to keep people safe, that's all.

What can I say? My mind lives in the gutter. :cool:

edit: I deleted what I had written, I decided that while it was funny, that it could be misconstrued. I'd rather police myself than get slapped by a moderator.

thanks for the beer...ummm...I need to go outside for a few minutes and ... and look at something in my .... my truck, ya, I need to look at somthing in my truck, I'll be right back.
*heads out to look for flyman*

you do that splck, I'll have a special drink waiting for you...House special...

KWSN grabs flyman and splck by the collars.

"Where you think you goin', boys?"

KWSN says that y'all better not mess with the barkeep, or KWSN'll break yer legs.

And you, barman, keep yer willie out the drinks.

thanks for gettin' my back on that KWSN...I promise not to make any "House specials", or I at least promise to try.

yzerman isn't here right now, Bones...you can play pool/teach, but keep the hustling on the QT. I get 10%, KWSN gets 10%. I can't give you free drinks, but I'll give you a hefty discount...agreed?

I'd love to stay here at the Stumble Inn, but I have to go bartend IRL. Ciao folks!

//steps back in

Good thing this place is Hoppin'.....I love this bar.

DRINKS ARE ON ME!!!

//picks up his jack n coke, sips, then begins filling others up

*Detective Doc_34465 Walks in with three uniformed officers, and a large yellow envelope*

/addresses YzermanS19

YzermanS19.. I told you you hadn't seen me for the last time.. In fact, I have two warrants.. One to search your establishment, and an arrest warrant.. But don't worry YzermanS19, your not the man of the hour yet..

Bones.. You're under arrest for illegal gambling, production of an illegal substance, and trafficking.. You have the right to remain silent, and I suggest you exorcise that right.. Take him away boys..

Now.. I have a warrant here to search the basement. You can read it if you feel you must.. Might keep you out of my hair.. We can make this easy, or we can make it hard.. I'd suggest you let me do my job, and not cause a scene.. I'll take the whole bar in if I have to..

And don't anyone get any bright ideas.. I have officers all over the place..

glad you're back, Chief. I could use a breather.

Keep an eye on Flyman, he's handing out some mean spliffs. That's okay, but it was too much for troit.

KWSN had to boot Flyman and splck because of their behavior.

Somenosuke was naked behind the bar, it was nice, but she got dressed.

Miranda is still naked running around the place.

Bones is...well...Bones.

OH SHIT!!!

Damn cops, why can't the keep their noses out of our business.

I mean, do what you need to officer....*oink, oink

Take a break wrkime. I have no idea where the hell Miranda is at...she should be here taking orders.

flyman, give me one of those spliffs.

KWSN.....keep wreckin mad foo's---you get the idea.

As for everyone else, we need another bartender. Me, wrkime, and Miranda cant handle everyone. Gotta start working shifts if we're going to handle it.

Alright, jokes over...Doc_34465 isn't really a cop.

I did some research and it turns out that he's an escaped mental patient. Give him a drink....Flyman give him some of the good shit...everyone relax.

I'm glad you see things my way, friend..

*Detective Doc_34465 proceeds to the basement with two officers*

Put your gloves on boys, watch what you touch, and be careful where you breath.

*An hour later, the TFPPD dick emerges from the basement below with the officers, carrying 12 evidence bags*

Thanks for the cooperation wrkime, we have what we need. YzermanS19, I wouldn't leave town if I were you. I'll be back.

Oh.. KWSN

Thanks for the new car.. Heh Heh

*Detective Doc_34465 leaves the Stuble Inn. It has been a good day.*

/That just busts me up!

Beef jerky....STOLEN from our bar! KWSN.....rough him up a bit. Not too much though, he's one of our biggest clients :)

I'd like a bottle of vodka. Now. (and not that cheap "absolut" crap, I want good russian vodka.)

genka, will Stoli work?

Argggh...still a sausage fest, YzermanS19!...I'll go light on that Spaten.

One Spaten coming up GuttersnipeXL...here you go.

Big ol' tip for my man wrkime...Hey! Turn the game on, would ya!

which one? you want hockey, basketball, baseball, arena football, slamball, etc.?

Hit me with some NHL playoff action...and Two more Spatens, one for me, and one for my make believe lady friend that hides out in my liver. thanks bud.

Straight Tequila Jose Quevero Clear no rocks no salt no lime and turn the juke box up louder I'm looking for a real man


As Shadows skirt rises a little higher and shirt drops a little lower

Pulls up a chair next to Shadow...whats your sign sugar?? Can I get you a drink!

Pisces Love and sure make it a dbl on him

What you offering?

I'm offerin' whatever your lookin for hun...Lets dance...

::wanders up to bar::
Any chance of getting an irish car bomb?

Everyone inside the bar hears four loud bandg, four thuds, and the clang of a dumpster door. Then, KWSN, who had been missing for some time, walks back in. People notice KWSN's car is back in the parking lot.

Patron - What was that?

KWSN was just having a little chat with our detective friend and his cronies.

KWSN doesn't think that we'll be bothered by them again.

hey man ...is like,the fuzz gone.

everything okay in here?what'd i miss.

*wonders to himself who the dude with the bomb is*

what was that bangin' action that came from out back?

KWSN doesn't believe he welcomed you and splck back in. It's OK though, as long as you don't be talkin' no shit at the good men who do their best to cater to your needs.

As for the banging, KWSN was just taking care of some business with the fuzz. KWSN and them reached a silencer... err... silent agreement, and they won't be back here no more to be hasslin' the good patrons of this bar.

KWSN is one scary mamma-jamma, especially when he talks in 3rd person

Hello Boys :)

You daaaaaaamn right.

**From the TV**

This just in... The body of TFPPD Detective Doc_34465, was just found hours ago in a dark alley near the respected drinking establishment, The Stumble Inn.. The TFPPD have few leads, and are currently gathering evedence.. Story at eleven..