Flexible, nimble flips
leaps great heights, turns on pointed toes
OW!! CRAMP! Shit, I lost.....

hmmmm.....humming

I don't know the words
maybe if I hum the tune
no one will notice.

Next: The pickle stick

practical joke on
doctor: hold pickle down there,
"I got syphilis!"

next: USA basketball

EDIT: sorry, done messed it up. ignore this post completly.

squeaky shoes squeak squeak
monkeys jumping through the hoops
tall boys jump shoot score


next: pizza

Deep dish crust, cheesey
mushrooms, olives, sausage too,
Shit! sauce burned my tongue!

scorpions

Dapper Arachnids.
Venemous in their black robes.
Nine in a bottle.

(For those who don't get the reference, Oliver Wendell Holmes once referred to SCOTUS as "Nine scorpions trapped in a bottle.")

Next up:
Peculiar things caught while fishing.

O.J. Simpson's knife
Bethany Hamilton's arm
Laci Peterson


Moths

Grancey is fucked up,
what a funny haiku there!
There goes a moth now.

-Seriously-

Big old dusty moth,
why do you fly into light?
Can't you see that burns?

Next up: Spider-Man

**stepping in as a casual observer**

Okay, first of all, Grancey is good. Secondly, I don't have a Spider-man haiku, so mine doesn't count. However, I do love to analyze blues lyrics and find unintentional haikus within (Blues Haikus, if you will). For example:

Accused of murder,
First degree. Judge's wife cried,
"Let that man go free."

That's from Willie Dixon's "Back Door Man."

**Okay, now back to.....**


Spider-Man

Average boy plus
radioactive spider
equals latex pants?

Next: <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=44951">Eve Ellis</a>

Lady wearing clothes
Shiny, tight, tied up with rope
Daddy should have hugged.

Next: starting a new job

first day at McD's
threw hamburgers at patron
need new job again


next: fast food

Surging tides urge the
weary to flee for comfort
at the golden arch


Pickup trucks

Yee-hah! Gun rack, Woo!
Four-wheel-drive, Yippee! Brush guard,
Small cars: submit/die

next: telescope

i can see for miles
and miles,i can see for miles
and miles,i can


red wine

Bacon Wrapped Fillet
Petit Nouvelle Pommes du Terre
Something in a red

Next: Cooking with Spackle

spread thin, two slices
slapped down on a red hot grill.
grilled spackle sandwich.

(they really fill me up)

Next- Scuba diving

Fish hide and watch pass
strange frogs which spit bubbles that
Rise to break the waves.

Next: Time to clean the cat box.

Moggy stinks - BAD CAT!
Kitchen reeks, give lunch a miss
Yakk! I'm moving house.

Let's have: Where's Bones?

don't know what happened
the freak just one day was gone
don't know,what the fuck


drum kits......

Chick-a-boom, oh shit!
two new grooves in the parquet
death by china.

or

Neighbours getting tired
of In My Time of Dying
back to bashing knees...

up next: Moby Dick

big fat classic tale
of a big ornery whale
good read, so i hear

next: procrastination

I was gonna write
a procrastination thing
maybe tomorrow.

Next: horrible tasting food

flourescent yellow
eggs from the spiny urchin
taste like baby shit

Next: The world's shortest books

open-faced roast beef
so inviting, so warm
tasty, yet quite dead

next: something about finding someone else's watch on you girlfriend's nightstand

I guess I forgot...
Last night was so incredible
That threesome was great

next- Your mom (for real)

taken from my life
before I had the chance to
find peace in myself

next- twilight

Rays though once-dark skies
Diffusion of sunlight...*groan*
How much did I drink?

Next up: Fish and Chips

greasy cooked in lard
usually healthy foods
transformed: heart bypass


next: shooting star

Lighting the sky up
A flash of hope and wishes
Make my dreams alive

next : Tang (the drink)

powdery orange dust
a spoon, glass, cup of water
ain't quite a real juice


next: breakfast

Coffee and coffee
Have a smoke with my honey
Eggs unfertilized

next: Smoked Foods

Rolled up the salmon
Tried hard to ignite the end
Then tried burrito

next: a painful itch

Poison ivy pain
The pharmacist hands me a
forty dollar tube

next: holiday baking

When mom used to bake
For the Christmas Holidays
I'd eat till I puked

When mom used to bake
For the Christmas Holidays
I'd eat till I puked

next topic: ghost wipes

For Ghost Wipes I looked
Google was not of much use
Thus ends my Haiku

next topic: exit wounds

Small bits of red stuff
Mixed with white and maybe brown
Stuck to the toaster

Next topic: slippersox

Pulled on Slippersox
Warm feet and yet traction, too
Snow is too deep. Foiled!

Next topic: Jam bands

For the love of god!
Will they ever stop playing?
No, I reckon not.

Next topic: Customer support frustration

Called with a problem,
was transfered to new delhi,
was no help to me!

Next topic: 42 (you know life the universe and everything)

Answer was easy
Saith computer: forty-two
Question, not so much.

Next topic: Thanksgiving!

cook half of the day.
overeat. go back for seconds.
belch. pumpkin pie time!


next: dirty dishes...

I use Palmolive
Soft on hands while you do dish's
for a spot free shine

Pssst, Daoust, you need to do a next topic. Absent one, I continue with dirty dishes...

Archeology
of culinary mishap
alas, the sink stinks.

Next: "Now more than ever..."

Satan loves cliches
And uses them to steal hearts
Now more than ever

Oops. Forgot the next topic...

Next: Kurt Vonnegut

I have never read
Slaughterhouse Five but I know
it's written by him.

Next Topic:

Steel Magnolias

duelling Haiku!

Steel magnolias
Needed by my wife so I
Steal magnolias


Next: Rug burns

Far too ambitious
Romping on the Carpet Floor
Burns on my back hurt

Next

The feeling you get when you eat too much

remorse. regret. bloat.
oink. oink. antacids. bElch. p00t~!
explosion pending.


next: working on holidays...

Working on days that
others have off really blows
I love some turkey!

next: Wal*Mart

Unions are coming
Finally some workers' rights
No more low prices

next: Four More Years of Bush

There's nothing like Bush
Soft silky little pubies
Oops, sorry, wrong Bush

Next: big screen TVs

All I see is Screen
This Television is HUGE
Oh, wait - I'm to close

Next:Taking the most horrible shot ever...

Three pointer from hell
Post up defense in your face
Lucky to catch rim

Next: Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Diamonds are evil
why do chicks need to like them
i am so broke... jeez

next: being naked is fun =)

Body unfettered
Free from all earthly restraints
I'm naked right now


Just kidding.

Next: LAN Parties.

Counter-Strike is great
I drop your ass with headshot
My shotty pwnz j00

Couldn't resist. Next up: puberty

Hair where none before
voice cracking annoyingly
Got to get sexed

next: Burrito

i love burritos
Taco Bell makes 'em great
now I've got the shits

Next: telemarketers

Call during dinner
To sell me long distance plan
told him to shove it

Next: final exams

Argh final exams!
Should study but I'm posting
I should someday sleep.

Next: Carrots!

Bugs Bunny steals them
Elmer Fudd wants to blast him
Carrots are deadly.


Next: Clowns

big shoes baggy pants
painted face and rubber nose
folks amused or freaked


next: construction worker

How long can you stand?
Holding that sign, smoking cigs
Getting paid too much.

Next topic: Ecstacy

Greatest band ever
Senses Working Overtime
XTC kicks butt

Next: Sunsets

Descending red orb
vanquished by the calm ocean
light is extinguished

next: arguing with your loved one

You know what they say
"make-up sex is the best type"
After a big fight

Next: dogs love trucks

Big wheels are turning
Must attack the turning wheels
Turning wheels squashed me.


Next: street cleaners

oh f1ck. not again!
my car is in the street, so...
it's dirty pavement.


next: holiday parties!

drunken sex on desks
is better when it's your boss
who finds the ass prints

next: rush hour

Hurry, hurry, quick!
All the rushing makes me sick.
Of going to work

Next: Elves

Short with Pointy-Ears
Santa Clause's Only Friends
They Live Forever

Next: Viagra

Hydraulics need help!
Miracle drug for lovers.
Won't help self-esteem.

Next: Cat box

nice clean litterbox.
enter cat... dig. whoop. deed done.
scoop. repeat. repeat....


next: anxiety

Worry about small things
That really don't matter much
But make my heart race.

Next: squirrel names

rocket j. squirrel
short: also known as rocky
hello bullwinkle


next: credit cards

Mastercard Visa
Discover Capital One
It's funny money.

Next: rock hard abs

just bought a bowflex
i really hope this thing works
cash down the pooper

next:stalkers

I am watching you.
You can't see me as I sit
Naked in your car.

Not that I would do that...

Next: sauerkraut

Sauerkraut is bad.
For this nonsense haiku game.
Of five its uses three.

Next: Kris Kringle

it is christmas time
if only Santa was real
i would have money

next: fast food

fries, greasy burgers
cholesterol skyrockets
supersize me please

next up - kegs

<strike>high in calories;
saturated in pure lard;
health food it is not.


next: hot apple cider</strike>

Coppertop beat me to the post... oh well.

So do one about kegs silly!

Frosty foamy cold,
One glassful never enough,
Cheers and Bottoms up.

Next:

Christmas Stalking

near year's end he comes
sneaking in through my chimney
one day he'll get me

next - first kiss

Shut my eyes and pray
As she leans in puckered up
Eeew. Was that a tongue?!?

Next: pancakes

griddle sizzle, plop!
frying golden fluffy wheat
add maple syup


next: garbage

stinky, smelly, ewww....
cold, clotted, moldy beef stew
creepy maggots too...

next: tea

sometimes i drink tea.
my girl thinks this is sexy
tastes the same as she

next: the sleep button

just nine more minutes
and I can face another day
give me just nine more....

next: cell phones

Tiny little screens
Games that run very poorly
My lot in this life.

Next: Best video game in the world

Halo 2 is where
Little kids play shoot-em-up
And learn death is cool.

(Sorry, I had this argument with a guy here at the office today. I'm about 2% conservative, and this is the 2%).

Next: Being naked

Chrono Trigger rules
i would say its the best
Disagree and die

edit, beaten to it

Running through fields
got no clothes holding me back
Do I feel a draft?

next: Garage Band

Oh! Look what I found
Living in my big garage
Not a hot chic band

Next:
colorful candies

someone please light up
these festive wicked chunks of wax
oh! warm and pretty


next: giraffes

Giraffes; tall, graceful
Able to reach the tree tops
wonder how they taste

Next: French Keyboards