both hands are in casts
she seemed like such a nice girl
wanted pay up front

Next: The real reason the sky is blue

Scattered light refracts
The shortest wavelength is blue
The sun knows this fact

Next: Homosexual cats

Tom cat eyes up Garfield
Garfield doesn't care
He's feeling up Bill the cat

airport security

Metal scan, bomb sniff
German shepard laughs and wags
Rubber glove scares me

zombie paperboy

In the grey morning,
The paper hits my door step
Rolled around an arm.

Next: Greetings from "World's Biggest"

The worlds biggest what?
Maybe male genitalia
I win.

Next: Scotch Tape

Todd can't write haiku
write five seven five on a card
sotch tape it to screen

Next: Pet rhinocerous.

Oh rhinocerous
Armored pet unusual
Catflap way too small

Getting busted goofing off at work

Oops! I must be dyslexic! Did mine 7-5-7:lol:

Boss says I'm Lazy
I think I am smarter than he
Mailboy's under my desk

Next: Howard Stern

I saw his movie
Funny, but his TV show
Sucks shit through a straw

sexual intercourse

debbie does dallas

great fucking porno movie

sex is a good thing







chili peppers..........(and not the band)

ignite. not the band...
red hot red hot red hot hot
loves it. loves the firey burn.

crapsticks! i forgot the next topic...


here ya go:

<b>forgetfulness</b>

I like tacos, hmm?
Oh shit, haikus!? I forgot!
Oh hey, a haiku!

I hearby decree that the following Haiku shall be written about:

Crunchy Tacos!

crispy crackily
munch munch munch chomp chomp swig beer
add some more hot sauce

next: new tfp

Beats a jab in the
(somebody doesn't like blue)
eye with a sharp stick

next: bees

Holy Hopping Fuck!
That Burns Like Boiling Acid
Bastard Just Stung Me.

Next: Radical Surgery with common Household Instruments

Ice Cream Scoop, the pain
My brain resides in...tuba?
Or, am I trumpet

I hearby decree that the following Haiku shall be written about:
Fez Hats on monkeys

Shriners go-cart in
parades;raise funds, but monkeys
in hats do better

next :
gymnastics

Flexible, nimble flips
leaps great heights, turns on pointed toes
OW!! CRAMP! Shit, I lost.....

hmmmm.....humming

I don't know the words
maybe if I hum the tune
no one will notice.

Next: The pickle stick

practical joke on
doctor: hold pickle down there,
"I got syphilis!"

next: USA basketball

EDIT: sorry, done messed it up. ignore this post completly.

squeaky shoes squeak squeak
monkeys jumping through the hoops
tall boys jump shoot score


next: pizza

Deep dish crust, cheesey
mushrooms, olives, sausage too,
Shit! sauce burned my tongue!

scorpions

Dapper Arachnids.
Venemous in their black robes.
Nine in a bottle.

(For those who don't get the reference, Oliver Wendell Holmes once referred to SCOTUS as "Nine scorpions trapped in a bottle.")

Next up:
Peculiar things caught while fishing.

O.J. Simpson's knife
Bethany Hamilton's arm
Laci Peterson


Moths

Grancey is fucked up,
what a funny haiku there!
There goes a moth now.

-Seriously-

Big old dusty moth,
why do you fly into light?
Can't you see that burns?

Next up: Spider-Man

**stepping in as a casual observer**

Okay, first of all, Grancey is good. Secondly, I don't have a Spider-man haiku, so mine doesn't count. However, I do love to analyze blues lyrics and find unintentional haikus within (Blues Haikus, if you will). For example:

Accused of murder,
First degree. Judge's wife cried,
"Let that man go free."

That's from Willie Dixon's "Back Door Man."

**Okay, now back to.....**


Spider-Man

Average boy plus
radioactive spider
equals latex pants?

Next: <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=44951">Eve Ellis</a>

Lady wearing clothes
Shiny, tight, tied up with rope
Daddy should have hugged.

Next: starting a new job

first day at McD's
threw hamburgers at patron
need new job again


next: fast food

Surging tides urge the
weary to flee for comfort
at the golden arch


Pickup trucks

Yee-hah! Gun rack, Woo!
Four-wheel-drive, Yippee! Brush guard,
Small cars: submit/die

next: telescope

i can see for miles
and miles,i can see for miles
and miles,i can


red wine

Bacon Wrapped Fillet
Petit Nouvelle Pommes du Terre
Something in a red

Next: Cooking with Spackle

spread thin, two slices
slapped down on a red hot grill.
grilled spackle sandwich.

(they really fill me up)

Next- Scuba diving

Fish hide and watch pass
strange frogs which spit bubbles that
Rise to break the waves.

Next: Time to clean the cat box.

Moggy stinks - BAD CAT!
Kitchen reeks, give lunch a miss
Yakk! I'm moving house.

Let's have: Where's Bones?