Post a stupid joke. - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mad_Gecko · 04-26-2003, 01:26 PM

What the skin say to the banana?

Don't move I got you covered.

/argh

Mad_Gecko · 04-26-2003, 01:29 PM

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most
unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A Black hearse
was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind
the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind
him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man
walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time
to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you
walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the
dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Join the queue."

Tophat665 · 04-22-2008, 05:27 PM

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: I have no eye deer.

Tophat665 · 02-27-2009, 01:42 PM

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh

uncle phil · 02-28-2009, 02:25 PM

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America...
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

Tophat665 · 02-28-2009, 04:13 PM

Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
A: Still no eye deer

cdwonderful · 02-28-2009, 04:21 PM

mommy, mommy am I a werewolf?

Be quiet dear and comb your face......

---------- Post added at 05:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:19 PM ----------

How do you tell Jersey cows from other breeds?

By the license plates.....

uncle phil · 03-01-2009, 03:47 AM

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

Tophat665 · 03-01-2009, 09:54 AM

Q: What's sticky and plays the Trumpet?
A: Gluey Armstrong

BadNick · 03-01-2009, 12:19 PM

knock, knock!

Tophat665 · 03-01-2009, 02:29 PM

Who's there?

BadNick · 03-01-2009, 02:49 PM

go away.

Tophat665 · 03-01-2009, 02:51 PM

Go Away Who?

BadNick · 03-01-2009, 02:59 PM

that's it! you want "stupid" you got stupid.

cdwonderful · 03-01-2009, 05:25 PM

what do you do if you find Chicago, Il?

call Baltimore, MD......

Teufel Hunden · 03-01-2009, 05:53 PM

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was,"uhnnnnnnnn"

uncle phil · 03-02-2009, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdwonderful

what do you do if you find Chicago, Il?

call Baltimore, MD......

that is a real groaner...

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

uncle phil · 03-03-2009, 03:36 AM

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

uncle phil · 03-04-2009, 04:05 AM

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

cdwonderful · 03-04-2009, 12:52 PM

If an undertaker and a snake got married, what would it say on their towels......

Hissssssss and Hearse

uncle phil · 03-05-2009, 03:28 AM

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

uncle phil · 03-06-2009, 03:36 AM

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

04-26-2003, 01:26 PM	#41 (permalink)
Mad_Gecko Pro Libertate Location: City Gecko	What the skin say to the banana? Don't move I got you covered. /argh __________________ [color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass "If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers." Confucious

04-26-2003, 01:29 PM	#42 (permalink)
Mad_Gecko Pro Libertate Location: City Gecko	A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A Black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife." "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Join the queue." __________________ [color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass "If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers." Confucious

04-22-2008, 05:27 PM	#43 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: I have no eye deer. __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

02-27-2009, 01:42 PM	#44 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

02-28-2009, 02:25 PM	#45 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America... MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

02-28-2009, 04:13 PM	#46 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Q: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? A: Still no eye deer __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

02-28-2009, 04:21 PM	#47 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	mommy, mommy am I a werewolf? Be quiet dear and comb your face...... ---------- Post added at 05:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:19 PM ---------- How do you tell Jersey cows from other breeds? By the license plates..... __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....

03-01-2009, 03:47 AM	#48 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-01-2009, 09:54 AM	#49 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Q: What's sticky and plays the Trumpet? A: Gluey Armstrong __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-01-2009, 12:19 PM	#50 (permalink)
BadNick Riding the Ocean Spray Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa	knock, knock!

03-01-2009, 02:29 PM	#51 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Who's there? __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-01-2009, 02:49 PM	#52 (permalink)
BadNick Riding the Ocean Spray Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa	go away.

03-01-2009, 02:51 PM	#53 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Go Away Who? __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-01-2009, 02:59 PM	#54 (permalink)
BadNick Riding the Ocean Spray Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa	that's it! you want "stupid" you got stupid.

03-01-2009, 05:25 PM	#55 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	what do you do if you find Chicago, Il? call Baltimore, MD...... __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....

03-01-2009, 05:53 PM	#56 (permalink)
Teufel Hunden Upright Location: Lafayette, CO	Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was,"uhnnnnnnnn"

03-03-2009, 03:36 AM	#58 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-04-2009, 04:05 AM	#59 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-04-2009, 12:52 PM	#60 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	If an undertaker and a snake got married, what would it say on their towels...... Hissssssss and Hearse __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....

03-05-2009, 03:28 AM	#61 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-06-2009, 03:36 AM	#62 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.