The Battle of Useless things!!
 

Okay here are the rules, you get one attack per post, you use your attack to launch an utterly useless item at the previous poster. For example.


Poster1 - *holds up a shield made of broken bandaids*

Poster2 - *throws a broken condom like a grendade and runs like hell*


Got it? Good?

And remember, the more useless your item, the more destructive it really is!

Soooo *holds up Bill Gates as a shield*

throws : money @ bill gates

holds up : scratched ABBA record as a shield

*The Gates is un-affected by money because it is actually very usefull*


*grabs a copy of Napster and chucks it as the ABBA record*

*throws tickle me elmo(SCARY!) from behind*

*holds up 80's cell phone to block*

*aus blocks the flying Elmo with his luck (truly useless)*
*pummels the competition with former members of YES*

*Hasslehof lands near me, i place down The Gates next to Hasselhoff and they begin to go at it*

Hasslehof- I'm gunna ring your neck skinny.

*The Gates starts talking about the features of Windows 95, Hasslehof's head explodes*

*Throws a hotwheels car with no wheels.

*Holds up a battleship board missing all pegs to defend.

I throw a broken shoelace at pellaz.......


And hold up a soggy napkin to defend from.........

*Throws "Cindy" from the brady bunch at Midlandmadman


*Holds up banana peel as defence

I counter with an overcooked wet noodle attack!!

I choose as my defence a burnt-out fridge light bulb.

Ah ha!! No burnt-out bulb can escape the wrath of....

a vcr that only plays BETA! (Oh damn...I'm dating myself here ;) )

holds up an eight track player in hopes of some feeble defence....

*launches a flurry of double edged Enron Stock Certificates

*holds up the Busted Betamax Player Shield for defense

curses minx, you have stolen my totally useless shield and turned it into a devastating weapon................thats dash cunning of you!

Throws a gramaphone at niki

I will defend myself using only a HARPSICHORD without strings, keys or legs!!!

sorry Nik...beat you to it! :lol:

/me holds up minx's unattractive traits...

so yea, I hold up NOTHING

and I throw even less!!!

*Holds up 90-day evaluation copy of Windows 3.11

*Throws Sega CD game system with copy of "Sewer Shark"

*Holds up a commodore 64*

*throws windowsME*

*after pulling my head out of the gramaphone horn, I go back to my bag of uselessness and pull out the ever deadly Broken Box Fan with the Smoking, Non-Spinning, Blades of Fury!

*and to counter further gramaphone attacks, I place a Large Cooking Pot on my head, which in my house, is useful only for burning water.

*throws your garden variety dull chidren's scissors*

*holds up a papermache replica of Saddam*

*charges into the fray wearing a suit of armor made entirely of Bob Vila*

*fires empty bottles of lotion randomly into the crowd*

*dons his thinking cap and enters the fray*

*throws a marketing plan put together by Baghdad Bob*

*blocks with a dull three-whole punch

*counters with Spinning Muffled Windchime of Silent Death

I chuck several Barry Manilow records at all on the battlefield.

Then take cover under a copy of "Thinner Thighs in 30 Days."

throws wet noodles at the masses

blocks with a shield of soggy moldy bread

*I smash through thinner thighs in 30 days with a LaserDisc of the movie License to Drive starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

* I dive behind a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Mark Fhurman.

*hands Troublebot Abdominator Belt of Protection (and Rock Hard Abs), and Thigh Master Boomerangs to complete the theme

*renders License To Drive Laserdisc inert with even more worthless Betamax of Dream A Little Dream, also starring the Cocaine Coreys!

*dons his paystub from three years ago*

*throws Casper the Friendly Ghost at everyone*

*Attacks all with the Y2K bug
*Hides behind a 3 1/2" floppy disk.

*defends himself with a toyota matrix*

*throws a blown out tire*

*defends himself with a eunuch*

*throws a one-armed man in a wheelchair* circles anyone?

*ducks circling one-armed wheelchair man and holds up beaten-up, scratched record album (yes...album....not disc) of "Grease"

*in retaliation throws a pea-less referee's whistle into the crowd*

(oh ps....thanks for the compliment rat! You're the best! :icare::)

*watches the whistle smash through his hastily-held-up jump-rope with one end*

*throws hitler's retirement plan*

*Gates takes a direct hit from the Nazi retirement plan*

Grrr my best shield, you'll pay for that rat!

*grabs a bowl of rotted banana peels*

Feel my wrath!!!!

*chucks peels at rat*

Peels miss one rat, hit another.

Holds up panty shield in case someone throws panties.

Pitches purple pouch of putrid peaches (another allitteration assault)

after peaches deflect from my spider-man comic book......

i hurl four broken drumsticks at you....

which are no match for my inflatable dartboard.

I quickly spin and pelt you with 7 used manilla folders...

i deflect the manila folders with a used tissue

i hurl some beads off a broken bracelet...

I block you beads with Grant Hills ankle,

Counter attack with a Shaquille O'Neal free throw.

Back into fray tossing My Bidet bought on Ebay at Meridae'n
and using Amelia Earhart's flight plan as defence

I deflect the bidet with France's WW2 defense plans.

Attack with a William Shatner hairpiece.

Throwing pilot script for "Days of our lives" then running for cover hiding behind a "Macdonalds" on the job training manual

*Shielding crossfire with Zebra-print Trapper-Keeper

*Hurling SARS masks at anyone who moves

Your SARS mask can't penetrate this...
Bachelor of Arts Degree!

Beware of my lethal Rush Limbaugh monologue!

Batfinks shield of steel will guard me as I throw an autographed copy of Al Gore's unused acceptance speach into the fray

which duly bouces off a flyscreen i ripped off a submarine.


I then throw Shaquille O'Neal's saddle at you...

With Gates tattered and broken I pick up a new item. I look around the battlefield. I find a scrap of paper with the name "Buttafuco" scribbled on it.

A light is emitted from the paper, I turn it around and unleash its power of death of Meridae'n

attacks with broken mouse!

drumsticks deflected by copy of 'Lerning Two Reed by GW Bush.'

back at ya' with the 3- LP set of 'William Shatner's Greatest Love Songs'

Whoa, that was close, lucky i had my solar-powered torch handy.

I then fire Australia's entire nuclear arsenal at you...

Which is easily countered by Canada's naval fleet.

I duck and throw a scrabble game with all the vowels missing....

Ha Ha! Blocked by the intelligence of all U.S. Politicians!

Now loading the trebuchet with telemarketers!

which i block smoothly with john f kennedy's 20 year tax-reduction plan

i proceed to throw every peace of paper/propaganda labeled with the words "Bush Foreign Policy"

shielded with good intentions

throw a temper tantrum

easily deflect your temper tantrum with my baby bottle w/o a nipple.

Throw out every weather forecast made for southern texas...

I throw the regular conversation from fark at you.

and shield myself with Lotus Word Perfect.

i take the man and turn it into a gigalo

now it comes to attack you with its STDs.

i easily deflect the gigalo with a tower of blown out condoms

and i toss out three vials of polio

Dodges the polio by letting it collide with Lotus Word Perfect. They both dissolve on contact.

I take SARS and throw it at you.

i hold up my home quarantine kit consisting of a sheet of perforated saran wrap and a rubber band

i throw this thread at you

Heavy battering like that needs my " Michael Moore for President" sticker to be held up as I lob a handful of dust into the arena.

The dust falls harmlessly over my 1988 Aussie $5 coin.

I then cast a level 8 'Male ability to express emotion' spell on you...

Sir John Kerr's autobiograghy will shield me as NSW's hope and dreams are thrown at you

I then pay Phil Bailey to save me from that onslaught.

I then pay off the English Rugby side, minus Johnny Wilkinson, to rush you...

*throwing burnt-out sparklers at Meri apathetically.

*Holding up pair of white denim jean shorts.

Barry Gommersal blocks such a feeble attempt and I engage Ita Buttrose's G string flicked in your face

A near miss there, lucky i had a lead ballon handy.

I then throw Labour's blueprint for the 2004 election at you...

Ha.
I counter that with with a Stan Zemanec "sings for you" CD.

Shield myself with hot air.

*Spewing forth thousands of "hanging chads" at cchris' hot air shield.

*Poised to defend with armor made of pentium II processors.

Your pentiums are no match for my South Queensland Crushers life membership.

I quickly reach for Martin Bryant's superannuation fund...

peaches bounce off Pat Robertson

allowing me to block with the U.N. Security Council

Tim Bailey's weather report blocks all

Fires's stale coco pops around the room

all of which bounce off my Foreign Legion hat.


Ah, there, take my subscription to TV Week and 'Open Road'...

http://www.sydney.net/sydsyd/jeannie.jpg

From behind here I lob Pink flamingo's at you

*I begin shelling the area with VHS copies of Hudson Hawk

*As I duck behind a pile of Mcdonald's old non-biodegradable styrofoam packages.

My "discount Albuquerque Hotels" brochure prevents such force and to counter

"lookout incoming"


http://www.sydney.net/sydsyd/tonyb.gif

Whoa, they neally got me, too bad they bouced off my 2003 tax cuts for low-income earners.


This turns out to be an optimal time to spear my wet post-pak tube at you...

*shielding behind deflated beach ball.

*pitching dead batteries like mad.

Shoots 9th Circuit Court rulings willy nilly as I run in terror,

Lucky for me that I can shield myself behind a broken curtain rod.

Court rulings parryed by Writ of Illegible Legalese


Attack answered by thrust of incomprehensible gist (esoteric ass-kickin')

Finds and hides behind "Australia's" Soccer World cup bid poster

Like a Gatling gun fires back odd socks

Gnaws his way out from under a pile of socks


Flings raisins via rubber band thumb-and-forefinger catapult

:: peers out from bushes::

::tosses several iMacs at everyone::

::holds up a copy of Linux as a shield, runs away::

*Bang* They crash against my replica America's Cup.

I throw a handful of headless Voltron figures at you...

::catches the Voltron figures with a mitt and adds them to his collection...::

:: peers out and tosses Steve Jobs at Meridae'n::

Who flies directly over my flip-top glasses.

I throw Wales at you...

I deflect Wales with France's military.



I chuck Afghanistan's economy at your head.

Hey, Bones that really hurts!!!

*picks up his cards and orders them*


Now, then. Takes the brains of children from Spanish Harlem and throws them at you.

deflected easily by Bush's domestic policy

Toss a Lenin action figure (complete with broken karate chop action)

Is hit in the face with the Lenin action figure.


Grabs Elvis' colon and attacks.

dammit bones, I still use my Dukes of Hazzrad Dinner Tray all the time. The food conveniently covers Bo and Luke, leaving Daisy Duke's cleavage right in the middle of the tray visible for optimal mealtime enjoyment. :)

Defence: my brother's "3-d" Frogger puff-up stickers...

now look out for not one, but two pairs of odd socks!!

Anvance behind copies of "Video Proffessor" to impale all ememies with a spork.

damn sporks are hard too defend...although...i have an old tennis racket the the spork richochets off of....

and toss a softball with only partial leather still on it.

blocks with sammy sosa's bat

attacks with an original IBM PS/2

*blocks the IBM PS/2 with microwave pot-pie box, inside out for the devastating effects of the crisper shields*

*attacks with a 5 year old animal flea collar*

As opposed to a human flea collar. ;)

With my trusty yet soggy teatowel I shield myself...

While I fling with all my might a chocolate coated broken TV antenna in you general direction! Muahaha!

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