The Battle of Useless things!! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TerresqueÜ · 07-15-2003, 08:59 AM

Okay here are the rules, you get one attack per post, you use your attack to launch an utterly useless item at the previous poster. For example.

Poster1 - *holds up a shield made of broken bandaids*

Poster2 - *throws a broken condom like a grendade and runs like hell*

Got it? Good?

And remember, the more useless your item, the more destructive it really is!

Soooo *holds up Bill Gates as a shield*

seethreepo · 07-15-2003, 09:15 AM

throws : money @ bill gates

holds up : scratched ABBA record as a shield

TerresqueÜ · 07-15-2003, 09:19 AM

*The Gates is un-affected by money because it is actually very usefull*

*grabs a copy of Napster and chucks it as the ABBA record*

sadistikdreams · 07-15-2003, 10:04 AM

*throws tickle me elmo(SCARY!) from behind*

*holds up 80's cell phone to block*

aus5tin · 07-15-2003, 10:07 AM

*aus blocks the flying Elmo with his luck (truly useless)*
*pummels the competition with former members of YES*

TerresqueÜ · 07-15-2003, 10:10 AM

*Hasslehof lands near me, i place down The Gates next to Hasselhoff and they begin to go at it*

Hasslehof- I'm gunna ring your neck skinny.

*The Gates starts talking about the features of Windows 95, Hasslehof's head explodes*

Pellaz · 07-15-2003, 10:20 AM

*Throws a hotwheels car with no wheels.

*Holds up a battleship board missing all pegs to defend.

Midlandmadman · 07-15-2003, 10:23 AM

I throw a broken shoelace at pellaz.......

And hold up a soggy napkin to defend from.........

cchris · 07-15-2003, 10:36 AM

*Throws "Cindy" from the brady bunch at Midlandmadman

*Holds up banana peel as defence

crackpot · 07-15-2003, 10:38 AM

I counter with an overcooked wet noodle attack!!

I choose as my defence a burnt-out fridge light bulb.

Minx · 07-15-2003, 11:33 AM

Ah ha!! No burnt-out bulb can escape the wrath of....

a vcr that only plays BETA! (Oh damn...I'm dating myself here

)

holds up an eight track player in hopes of some feeble defence....

Nikilidstrom · 07-15-2003, 11:43 AM

*launches a flurry of double edged Enron Stock Certificates

*holds up the Busted Betamax Player Shield for defense

Nikilidstrom · 07-15-2003, 11:45 AM

curses minx, you have stolen my totally useless shield and turned it into a devastating weapon................thats dash cunning of you!

rat · 07-15-2003, 11:54 AM

Throws a gramaphone at niki

I will defend myself using only a HARPSICHORD without strings, keys or legs!!!

Minx · 07-15-2003, 11:54 AM

sorry Nik...beat you to it!

rat · 07-15-2003, 12:07 PM

/me holds up minx's unattractive traits...

so yea, I hold up NOTHING

and I throw even less!!!

Conclamo Ludus · 07-15-2003, 12:34 PM

*Holds up 90-day evaluation copy of Windows 3.11

*Throws Sega CD game system with copy of "Sewer Shark"

rat · 07-15-2003, 12:36 PM

*Holds up a commodore 64*

*throws windowsME*

Nikilidstrom · 07-15-2003, 12:39 PM

*after pulling my head out of the gramaphone horn, I go back to my bag of uselessness and pull out the ever deadly Broken Box Fan with the Smoking, Non-Spinning, Blades of Fury!

*and to counter further gramaphone attacks, I place a Large Cooking Pot on my head, which in my house, is useful only for burning water.

rat · 07-15-2003, 12:41 PM

*throws your garden variety dull chidren's scissors*

*holds up a papermache replica of Saddam*

KWSN · 07-15-2003, 12:41 PM

*charges into the fray wearing a suit of armor made entirely of Bob Vila*

*fires empty bottles of lotion randomly into the crowd*

rat · 07-15-2003, 12:44 PM

*dons his thinking cap and enters the fray*

*throws a marketing plan put together by Baghdad Bob*

Conclamo Ludus · 07-15-2003, 12:47 PM

*blocks with a dull three-whole punch

*counters with Spinning Muffled Windchime of Silent Death

Troublebot · 07-15-2003, 12:48 PM

I chuck several Barry Manilow records at all on the battlefield.

Then take cover under a copy of "Thinner Thighs in 30 Days."

d4in · 07-15-2003, 12:50 PM

throws wet noodles at the masses

blocks with a shield of soggy moldy bread

Conclamo Ludus · 07-15-2003, 12:52 PM

*I smash through thinner thighs in 30 days with a LaserDisc of the movie License to Drive starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

* I dive behind a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Mark Fhurman.

Nikilidstrom · 07-15-2003, 12:54 PM

*hands Troublebot Abdominator Belt of Protection (and Rock Hard Abs), and Thigh Master Boomerangs to complete the theme

Nikilidstrom · 07-15-2003, 12:57 PM

*renders License To Drive Laserdisc inert with even more worthless Betamax of Dream A Little Dream, also starring the Cocaine Coreys!

rat · 07-15-2003, 01:00 PM

*dons his paystub from three years ago*

*throws Casper the Friendly Ghost at everyone*

Batman976 · 07-15-2003, 01:00 PM

*Attacks all with the Y2K bug
*Hides behind a 3 1/2" floppy disk.

rat · 07-15-2003, 01:02 PM

*defends himself with a toyota matrix*

*throws a blown out tire*

rat · 07-15-2003, 01:05 PM

*defends himself with a eunuch*

*throws a one-armed man in a wheelchair* circles anyone?

Minx · 07-15-2003, 01:11 PM

*ducks circling one-armed wheelchair man and holds up beaten-up, scratched record album (yes...album....not disc) of "Grease"

*in retaliation throws a pea-less referee's whistle into the crowd*

(oh ps....thanks for the compliment rat! You're the best!

rat · 07-15-2003, 01:13 PM

*watches the whistle smash through his hastily-held-up jump-rope with one end*

*throws hitler's retirement plan*

TerresqueÜ · 07-15-2003, 05:06 PM

*Gates takes a direct hit from the Nazi retirement plan*

Grrr my best shield, you'll pay for that rat!

*grabs a bowl of rotted banana peels*

Feel my wrath!!!!

*chucks peels at rat*

vermin · 07-15-2003, 05:28 PM

Peels miss one rat, hit another.

Holds up panty shield in case someone throws panties.

Pitches purple pouch of putrid peaches (another allitteration assault)

Fly · 07-15-2003, 05:37 PM

after peaches deflect from my spider-man comic book......

i hurl four broken drumsticks at you....

Meridae'n · 07-15-2003, 05:42 PM

which are no match for my inflatable dartboard.

I quickly spin and pelt you with 7 used manilla folders...

MrFlux · 07-15-2003, 05:42 PM

i deflect the manila folders with a used tissue

i hurl some beads off a broken bracelet...

grumpyolddude · 07-15-2003, 05:49 PM

I block you beads with Grant Hills ankle,

Counter attack with a Shaquille O'Neal free throw.

07-15-2003, 08:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	The Battle of Useless things!! Okay here are the rules, you get one attack per post, you use your attack to launch an utterly useless item at the previous poster. For example. Poster1 - holds up a shield made of broken bandaids Poster2 - throws a broken condom like a grendade and runs like hell Got it? Good? And remember, the more useless your item, the more destructive it really is! Soooo holds up Bill Gates as a shield __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

07-15-2003, 09:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
seethreepo Addict Location: outer reaches of space	throws : money @ bill gates holds up : scratched ABBA record as a shield __________________ rub it and see.

07-15-2003, 09:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	The Gates is un-affected by money because it is actually very usefull grabs a copy of Napster and chucks it as the ABBA record __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

07-15-2003, 10:04 AM	#4 (permalink)
sadistikdreams lonely rolling star Location: Seattle.	throws tickle me elmo(SCARY!) from behind holds up 80's cell phone to block __________________ "Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials." -Lin Yutang hearts, by d.a.

07-15-2003, 10:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
aus5tin Crazy Location: SWLA	aus blocks the flying Elmo with his luck (truly useless) pummels the competition with former members of YES __________________ You cannot trick a bear... he knows a meal when he sees one.

07-15-2003, 10:10 AM	#6 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Hasslehof lands near me, i place down The Gates next to Hasselhoff and they begin to go at it Hasslehof- I'm gunna ring your neck skinny. The Gates starts talking about the features of Windows 95, Hasslehof's head explodes __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

07-15-2003, 10:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
Pellaz Addict Location: Texas	Throws a hotwheels car with no wheels. Holds up a battleship board missing all pegs to defend. __________________ " ' Big Mouth. Remember it took three of you to kill me. A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "

07-15-2003, 10:23 AM	#8 (permalink)
Midlandmadman Redwing fan extraordinaire Location: Michigan	I throw a broken shoelace at pellaz....... And hold up a soggy napkin to defend from......... __________________ Its good to be back.

07-15-2003, 10:36 AM	#9 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	Throws "Cindy" from the brady bunch at Midlandmadman Holds up banana peel as defence __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

07-15-2003, 10:38 AM	#10 (permalink)
crackpot Junkie Location: Montreal	I counter with an overcooked wet noodle attack!! I choose as my defence a burnt-out fridge light bulb.

07-15-2003, 11:33 AM	#11 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Ah ha!! No burnt-out bulb can escape the wrath of.... a vcr that only plays BETA! (Oh damn...I'm dating myself here ) holds up an eight track player in hopes of some feeble defence.... __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-15-2003, 11:43 AM	#12 (permalink)
Nikilidstrom Stick it in your five hole! Location: Michigan, USA	launches a flurry of double edged Enron Stock Certificates holds up the Busted Betamax Player Shield for defense

07-15-2003, 11:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
Nikilidstrom Stick it in your five hole! Location: Michigan, USA	curses minx, you have stolen my totally useless shield and turned it into a devastating weapon................thats dash cunning of you!

07-15-2003, 11:54 AM	#15 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	sorry Nik...beat you to it! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-15-2003, 12:34 PM	#17 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	Holds up 90-day evaluation copy of Windows 3.11 Throws Sega CD game system with copy of "Sewer Shark" __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

07-15-2003, 12:39 PM	#19 (permalink)
Nikilidstrom Stick it in your five hole! Location: Michigan, USA	after pulling my head out of the gramaphone horn, I go back to my bag of uselessness and pull out the ever deadly Broken Box Fan with the Smoking, Non-Spinning, Blades of Fury! and to counter further gramaphone attacks, I place a Large Cooking Pot on my head, which in my house, is useful only for burning water.

07-15-2003, 12:41 PM	#21 (permalink)
KWSN green	charges into the fray wearing a suit of armor made entirely of Bob Vila fires empty bottles of lotion randomly into the crowd __________________ Your arms are broken!

07-15-2003, 12:47 PM	#23 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	blocks with a dull three-whole punch counters with Spinning Muffled Windchime of Silent Death __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

07-15-2003, 12:48 PM	#24 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	I chuck several Barry Manilow records at all on the battlefield. Then take cover under a copy of "Thinner Thighs in 30 Days." __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

07-15-2003, 12:50 PM	#25 (permalink)
d4in Computer Nerd Location: Bishop, TX	throws wet noodles at the masses blocks with a shield of soggy moldy bread __________________ I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

07-15-2003, 12:52 PM	#26 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	I smash through thinner thighs in 30 days with a LaserDisc of the movie License to Drive starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. I dive behind a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Mark Fhurman. __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

07-15-2003, 12:54 PM	#27 (permalink)
Nikilidstrom Stick it in your five hole! Location: Michigan, USA	*hands Troublebot Abdominator Belt of Protection (and Rock Hard Abs), and Thigh Master Boomerangs to complete the theme

07-15-2003, 12:57 PM	#28 (permalink)
Nikilidstrom Stick it in your five hole! Location: Michigan, USA	*renders License To Drive Laserdisc inert with even more worthless Betamax of Dream A Little Dream, also starring the Cocaine Coreys!

07-15-2003, 01:00 PM	#30 (permalink)
Batman976 is you wicked? Location: I live in a giant bucket.	Attacks all with the Y2K bug Hides behind a 3 1/2" floppy disk. __________________ The following statement is true. The preceding statement was false.

07-15-2003, 01:11 PM	#33 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	ducks circling one-armed wheelchair man and holds up beaten-up, scratched record album (yes...album....not disc) of "Grease" in retaliation throws a pea-less referee's whistle into the crowd* (oh ps....thanks for the compliment rat! You're the best! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-15-2003, 05:06 PM	#35 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Gates takes a direct hit from the Nazi retirement plan Grrr my best shield, you'll pay for that rat! grabs a bowl of rotted banana peels Feel my wrath!!!! chucks peels at rat __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

07-15-2003, 05:28 PM	#36 (permalink)
vermin Indifferent to anti-matter Location: Tucson, AZ	Peels miss one rat, hit another. Holds up panty shield in case someone throws panties. Pitches purple pouch of putrid peaches (another allitteration assault) __________________ If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst. Last edited by vermin; 07-15-2003 at 05:30 PM..

07-15-2003, 05:37 PM	#37 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	after peaches deflect from my spider-man comic book...... i hurl four broken drumsticks at you.... __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

07-15-2003, 05:42 PM	#38 (permalink)
Meridae'n Loose Cunt Location: North Bondi RSL	which are no match for my inflatable dartboard. I quickly spin and pelt you with 7 used manilla folders... __________________ What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

07-15-2003, 05:42 PM	#39 (permalink)
MrFlux Fluxing wildly... Location: Auckland, New Zealand	i deflect the manila folders with a used tissue i hurl some beads off a broken bracelet... __________________ flux (n.) Medicine. The discharge of large quantities of fluid material from the body, especially the discharge of watery feces from the intestines.

07-15-2003, 05:49 PM	#40 (permalink)
grumpyolddude Deliberately unfocused Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby	I block you beads with Grant Hills ankle, Counter attack with a Shaquille O'Neal free throw. __________________ "Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard