Court rulings parryed by Writ of Illegible Legalese


Attack answered by thrust of incomprehensible gist (esoteric ass-kickin')

Finds and hides behind "Australia's" Soccer World cup bid poster

Like a Gatling gun fires back odd socks

Gnaws his way out from under a pile of socks


Flings raisins via rubber band thumb-and-forefinger catapult

:: peers out from bushes::

::tosses several iMacs at everyone::

::holds up a copy of Linux as a shield, runs away::

*Bang* They crash against my replica America's Cup.

I throw a handful of headless Voltron figures at you...

::catches the Voltron figures with a mitt and adds them to his collection...::

:: peers out and tosses Steve Jobs at Meridae'n::

Who flies directly over my flip-top glasses.

I throw Wales at you...

I deflect Wales with France's military.



I chuck Afghanistan's economy at your head.

Hey, Bones that really hurts!!!

*picks up his cards and orders them*


Now, then. Takes the brains of children from Spanish Harlem and throws them at you.

deflected easily by Bush's domestic policy

Toss a Lenin action figure (complete with broken karate chop action)

Is hit in the face with the Lenin action figure.


Grabs Elvis' colon and attacks.

dammit bones, I still use my Dukes of Hazzrad Dinner Tray all the time. The food conveniently covers Bo and Luke, leaving Daisy Duke's cleavage right in the middle of the tray visible for optimal mealtime enjoyment. :)

Defence: my brother's "3-d" Frogger puff-up stickers...

now look out for not one, but two pairs of odd socks!!

Anvance behind copies of "Video Proffessor" to impale all ememies with a spork.

damn sporks are hard too defend...although...i have an old tennis racket the the spork richochets off of....

and toss a softball with only partial leather still on it.

blocks with sammy sosa's bat

attacks with an original IBM PS/2

*blocks the IBM PS/2 with microwave pot-pie box, inside out for the devastating effects of the crisper shields*

*attacks with a 5 year old animal flea collar*

As opposed to a human flea collar. ;)

With my trusty yet soggy teatowel I shield myself...

While I fling with all my might a chocolate coated broken TV antenna in you general direction! Muahaha!

***Defend against the antenna with my:
LEGAL CABLE TV DE-SCRAMBLER
Want to watch Sporting Events?--Movies?--Pay-Per-View??
You can assemble from electronic store parts for about $12.00.
We Send You:
E-Z To follow Assembly Instructions.
E-Z To read Original Drawings.
Electronic parts lists.
PLUS SOMETHING NEW YOU MUST HAVE!
Something you can't do without.


***And launch a viscious and devastating counter-attack with:
Experience the results you've always wanted=20
with a MASSIVE scientific breakthrough:

Our Doctor-Approved Pill Will Actually Expand, Lengthen=20
And Enlarge Your Penis. 100% GUARANTEED!=20

*Tries to block using a Martha Stuart toaster coozie, but is knocked down by bullshit guarantees*

*Tries to adhere his combatants to the walls by throwing used tape and post-its that have already been stuck to something else before (not very sticky anymore).*

Easily defends with public restroom roilet paper

Crushes all opposition with a two month supply of Bloussant.

Despite the appeal of having a firmer fuller bosom, shields with promises of great wealth with only a minimal investment.

Counter-attacks with a left-over piece of formica.

Grabs some stock bought on margin and throws it at you, while being pelted with tiny pieces of formica.

*Deflects stocks with McDonald's Monopoly Gamepieces.

*Throws collection of <i>21 Jump Street</i> videos.

I will dive behind my upsidedown Zambonie and lob a lone breast implant at you!

I'll repel your implant with a voided check and lob a cracked water pitcher at you.

Deflects the water picter with a grill minus the screen.


Grabs some gray coal and starts chukin it.

....no match for the pantyhose i'm wearing.....

*ohh shit....did i say that out loud?*

returns with a dual pointed toothpick that has had one side chewed on.

ha, bouces weakly off my 'Beijing for 2000' banner.


I then throw a pan of my girlfriend's lasagne at you (and it's gunna hurt!)

Ahah! The lasagna bounces harmlessly off of my Max Payne mouse pad (which is being used with one of those mice that have the ball on top).

In retaliation, I hurl a free Hatebreed DVD completely covered in styrofoam peanut directly at your skull!

Hah! I can see you now, trying to pull a horrible advertising ploy out of your skull...

throws: optical mouse at your mousepad

holds up: anna nicole smith to block

I think holding Anna Nicole Smith would automatically take you out of the game, my friend.



Because you'd be dead. Just so we're all clear on that.

hides behind empty milk cartons

uses VZ-300 to launch hacking attack