well phil,
I know you're a recovering alcoholic, so when i saw the burbon, I thought to myslf, "I have to drink that all, to help phil."

Now the real question is, who changed all the settings on my alarm clock?

Needed something to make shit on toast for the ex . . *ha ha*

Don't seem to be able to find my camera tho . . . . OK WHO TOOK MY FRIGGIN CAMERA !!!!

I took your camera.......................but only to borrow........ I needed it to take pictures of the damage some one did to my door.... with a hammer..

i wasn't anywhere near your door when that hammer mystically flew out of my hand in a michiganly direction...


found the bourbon...thanks, dogma, for saving me some...now, where did the ice disappear to...

Ooops, I took the ice to use in my ice-bath. It's frikkin hot here!

Who moved my cheese? ;)

It was blocking the doorway. You know, the mice were complaining - they don't like the welfare cheese you have.


Now I know someone in here has eaten all of the candy. Couldn't you have refilled the bowl?

nah, then i would've had to eat that too

now who stole my fucking bandwidth!!! god damnit i'm getting sloow download speeds!

AOL, huh?

Somebody's been keeping the old lady smiling. I've been meaning to thank him. Who is it?

Well, I was hoping we cold keep it our little secret, but you're welcome.

I see you knocked over the fishtank again.

I can explain - when I was passing by, I saw that the scuba man was getting molested by your frog again. He wasn't looking happy. So I figured I would get the frog to move over to the treasure chest and have his way with that. But then the frog jumped onto my finger...long story short, the scuba man, the treasure chest, the frog and my finger all ended up on the floor. It was like I was in slow motion.


Anyway, that still doesn't make up for whoever ran their mouth off about that party last weekend. What exactly did you tell everyone?

I not only did not tell any one about any party, I was not aware of any party - I spent the entire weekends helping nuns babysit orphans. They even took pictures to send to the newspaper.

Who's keeps gluing all the Cap'n Crunch Cereal to the cat??!?

Ah, it may please the court to hear from witness Frickles the Cat

Frickles: Meow Meow meeeooow me ow ow meee ow mm meeoww oooowww phit phit

Ah, so it is my understanding that you found yourself around a bowl of captain crunch

Frickles: Meeow

And the said bowl of captain crunch was filled with milk and you decieded to take a lick? And that is when you slipped and fell into the bowl of captain crunch and hence.... need I say more your honor.



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You, yes you.... why did you piss on the toilet seat and not have the common courtisy to clean it up?

she told me it was because of her rash...


now are you going to let me out?

I didn't put you in there. I don't know what you did and I don't know what you would do if I did let you out, so I'll let you stew in there for a while more. :D

Who filled my shotgun with cheese-doodles?

No, I wasn't the one to put cheese doodles in your shotgun. I was the one who put them in your hair, not the shotgun...


So, who is responsible for the butt cheek marks on the photocopier glass?

Those are not my buttcheek marks on the copier. Mine are on the frige door, and they clearly do not match.

Who's been licking the ashtrays?!!?

That would be me. My minerals are low. :p

Who squealed to the fuzz!?

My bad. I thought I called the pizza dude.

Who shot JFK?

I did but my magic bullet was faulty.

How lowered my shields and damaged my warp drive?

*EDIT* Bah, I'm slow!


*ORIGINAL* Certainly wasn't me; I'm too young to be employed by the FBI.

But the real question here is who killed Bob Hope?

Wasn't me, I was too busy stealing your rims.

The real puzzler: who killed Bob Hope?

katherine hepburn, whose not actually dead, killed him. she's a double O agent now for MI6 ... I know this; I recruited her...

Who lowered my shields and damaged my warp drive?




MOONRAKER IS ON TV! WOOHOO!

Oh... that wasn't me... I was tagging Uhura in the galley


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If he shot the Sherrif, then who shot the Deputy?

derek...


is there any pizza left?

No, I ate it all, but I can't be blamed because I didn't so much eat it as make a connection with its own aura and become one with it.

The real problem is this: Some honky's beem stealin' mah funk. Who is it?

Who you calling a honky. Damn, I support all causes for minorities. And on top of that you accuse me of stealing? I didn't steal your funk, I was trying to get rid of that smell. You know, some deodorant every once in a while helps.

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How long is going to take to fix this thing?

about a buck, $2.80...


man, where did all the dfcvsilawkc's go?

Sadly enough every last one of them went into a dfcvsilawck jello salad, that was made as a joint effort of the
Stop for Presbyterians, and Spanish War ladies auxillary.

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Ok who the hell stole my thunder?

thor......

While Thor did steal your thunder, it was actually my dog, Thor, and not the superhero. I know this because he is using some of it right now to protect my house from squirrels. (STFU dawg!!)

Who put the bomp in the bomp de bomp de bom?