Plan9

Idea came from a stupid discussion earlier. What creatures do you think would make lousy vampires?

My choices?

Ducks.
Donkeys.
Dachsunds.

...

Whatchoo got?

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"You should not drink... and bake."

wooÐs

Horses.

No question.

Willravel

I guess you missed the vampire episode of Darkwing Duck.

Martian

Trout.

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BadNick

Elephant would make a cumbersome vampire with that big trunk sticking in the way of a good bite...unless we fantasize blood sucking teeth on the tip of the trunk...that would be awesome even to suck a giraffe's long neck.

But I can't put leaches on that list.

How do we know leaches aren't clever little vampire worms that have evolved over eons to trick us into thinking they do the body some good just so we use them to suck some of our blood? huh?

Baraka_Guru

Fucking otters.

Too cute to be evil.


That and any breed in the retriever class of dogs.

Oh, and emus.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

A vampire Emu would to totally fuck you up, Baraka.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Yeah, it would probably eviscerate me via my sternum.

But you know what? Dachshunds...they go for the throat as they are. A vampire dachshund would be the worst.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Daniel_

Elephants.

But Elephant Zombies would be cool.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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ObieX

Turtles
Moose
Platypus

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Punk.of.Ages

Daddy long leg spiders....

Their mouths are too small to bite.

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Reese

I would think giraffes would be easy targets for vampires..

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Fremen

Coral (immobile)
Sloths (too slow)
Anteaters (narrow mouth, no teeth)
Peacocks (too noisy, couldn't sneak up on their victim)
Giraffes (necks too long, too unwieldy)
Chihuahuas (too shaky, couldn't get a good grip)
Reindeer (protected species, see Santa)
Sponges (good for soaking up blood, but lousy at seeking it out)

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uncle phil

hedgehogs...

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We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

noodle

I used to think that little dogs would be terrible vampires.
Then I watched Blade again.



Platypi would make lousy vampires.

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The_Jazz

Ladybugs
Coelacanth (fish thought to be extinct that lives in the deep ocean)
Dung beetles
Butterflies
Clams
Penguins
My grandmother (she's 98 and blind)

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"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ShaniFaye

oh I have to disagree with penguins...I think they would make awesome vampires

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The_Jazz

Just because they've got the built-in tuxedo? They're flightless and slow. Stay away from large bodies of water, and you're safe from penguin vampires. They won't outrun you.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

BadNick

^ just to honor TFP...though ferrets would not be on my lousy vampire list since they have sharp little teeth and can scoot right up to your neck with their little claws.

I'll add humans who blab too much. If you're a professional vampire you have to lay low and not have people searching you out while you're sleeping so they can drive a stake through your heart...be cool, lay low, suck blood forever.

Marlon's Mom

Giant tube worm. No mouth, no digestive tract.

Redlemon

Since the threads are currently adjacent, I propose the Narwal. Sure, it has a great horn for piercing, but getting close enough to suck the blood won't be easy.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Giant Hamburger

Daniel_

But on the plus side, does look remarkably like a vagina...

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

cheese

Me.

Unless taco bell offers a blood burrito i would starve to death (again? still?)

Plan9

Cheese, I find it hard to believe that you subsist solely on Taco Bell.

...

Hermit Crabs = Shitty Vampires

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ironpham

Robert Pattinson...does he count?

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SIGNATURE.

BadNick

I was gonna say "cute little baby" but now I'm not so sure

Baraka_Guru

Cows

Turkeys

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

BadNick

one out of two is pretty good

Redlemon

Also

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Charlatan

Spores...

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ring

Tribbles.

Cynthetiq

guppies.

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Plan9

Obese housecats.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

BadNick

my uncle joe would not make a good vampire

Lady Bear Cub

Clams

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Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"

Lucifer

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I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

The_Jazz

Must resist bearded clam joke.......

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ring

Peeps.

genuinegirly

Bunnies. And yet there's a book...

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