The twisted wish game
 

Grant the wish of the poster above you but twist it in such a way that they'll wish they never wished for it. Then ask for a wish yourself.

For example:
Me: I wish for a billion dollars.
Next poster: Granted. A billion dollars is wired to your bank account. The FBI and the local police will be at your door shortly for stealing from the government.

I'll start with an easy one.
I wish for the total devotion and love of an incredibly beautiful woman.

You will find the most wonderful and loving girl in the entire world. Words could not describe how beautiful she is. When you get back from the best night of your life, you start to fool around. You quickly realize that she has a penis. That is bigger than yours.

*****

I wish I had the power to generate fire from my palms.

Granted. Upon your first try, you generate a fire the size of a small city, incinerating everyone. The backlash and lack of oxygen from the massive fireball kill you as well.

I wish for a super intelligent, super tough car that talks to me and has all sorts of neat gizmos like Knight Rider.

Granted, it then downloads itself into the internet and skynet is born.

I wish for immortality.

Granted. You are put into a stasis field for eternity, unable to move or even think.

I wish to be stunningly good looking, like best ever.

Granted, All cameras and painters want to immortalize you. After your a huge success, we eat you to absorb your magical qualities. But don't worry, many mothers with sterile husbands will clone and give birth to you and we'll have little Zeraphs running all around the globe.

I wish to be the most powerful man in the world.

Granted. You are transported back in time 150 million years where you are the only man in the world, and therefor also the most powerful. A T-Rex is eying you.

I wish more people would play this game.

Granted, There is now 1 more person playing the game. Unfortunately, It's me.

I wish I could read faster.

Granted, and now you can't stop yourself so you read your moms diary when she was fifteen and you grandma's and discover Jenniffer Lopez is really a dude after whacking it to her countless of times. This information drives you nuts and you shoot yourself!!

I wish I was irresistible to all women of the human race!

Granted. Unfortunately there's a lot of women in the human race, and this includes a small percentage of female serial killers. You bask in glory for about a month before youre spotted by said female and murdered, skinned, and worn as a coat.

I wish I had a completely self-sufficient body...like no need to eat or stay warm.

Granted, Your body is now a self substaining shell. Your instinctual behavior begins to fade and you are no longer motivated to do anything. You don't need companionship, you don't need sex. As you no longer need your limbs to help you gather food so they rott and fall off. You soon begin to look like Chet from Weird Science.

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k2...enton/blob.jpg

I wish I had a game to play.

Granted. You are transported into a prison cell where "Bubba" plays hide the weasel with you.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, now come over here and let me stick this nozzle up your ass and fill you up with jet fuel. Don't worry, I've done it a million times. Never on the same person twice though, weird..


I wish I had spaghetti for hair.

Granted. Though hair is partially defined as something that you grow, even though it comes out dead. Your body therefore is turned into a starch based life form that can grow spaghetti as hair. You grow about a micrometer's worth before some stray dog comes along and eats you.

I wish I could read minds.

Granted! Now you know all the dirty disturbing things I think about constantly.

I wish my name was Percy Wallace...

Granted, Percy Wallace is a high risk sex offender wanted in 32 states with ties to Al Queda. I'm sure nobody will confuse you with him.

I wish to be worshipped as a god.

edit: oops, a day late and a dollar short

Magic poof!!! you are now a little cute boy named Percy Wallace with a funny paper hat, as shown in this photo of you on your facebook page: Percy Wallace | Facebook

I'd like to be the greatest racecar driver of all time...


OK Reese, you are the God of Hellfire, and you bring us fire! Fortunately, my nephew is a very good fireman.


Now I'd still like to be the greatest racecar driver of all time...

As you wish. You are now Dale Earnhardt. I've done you another favor since Dale Earnhardt was dead I've returned you to life. I forgot to remove you from the pine box you're buried in though. Sorry.

I wish I had a pet spider monkey.

Don't you just love posting at the same time?

stupid god...you can't ask for the same wish twice!

OK, I wish I was a beaver so I can get out of this pine box.

Granted. You chew through the wood and the 6 feet of dirt collapses on you and you suffocate...as a beaver mind you.

I wish I had super strength.

Granted, first it begins with you crushing your wang during a vigorous fit of masturbation, then you kill your mom when hugging her then one day you step on th brakes too hard and they give out, instantly backfiring and landing you iin an accident that kills you.

I wish I could make any one do anything I want, kinda like mind control.

Granted...you're tied to a chair for the rest of your life and you have to watch others do all the things you would want to do.

I wish I could play the guitar as well as Frank Zappa played it.

Your fingers are flying, but you've gone deaf. Sorry, old man. ;)

I wish I could kick ass like Uma in Kill Bill. Just for an hour or two.

Granted. Now you have huge feet like Uma. You trip on them and impale yourself with your samurai sword...

I wish I could swim.

Granted, but you also never watched Jaws the movie ... it was based on a true story.

I wish I could find a genie in a bottle.

Granted, except your dick is now stuck in the bottle after you tried to fuck the genie while she was asleep.

I wish I had a giant robot suit to blow shit up in.

Well you must have eaten some questionable sushi and totally filled up your brand new giant robot suit with shit...it's not washable, dry clean only.

I wish I could remember what I really want.

Granted, you remember. It's sex with Dustin Diamond!

I wish could go back in time 1 year.

Granted, but instead of going back 1 year, you actually 1000 years and end up upon the spearpoint of a roving band of tribesmen who think you are a devil that speaks in tongues.

I wish I could unlock every part of my brain.

Granted, now you know that sex really actually hurts instead of feeling good.

I wish I knew everything.

Granted, now you know what every girl thinks about you. It's not good.

I wish I transport myself across the 'net.

Granted, but you end up at 12chan.

I wish I could play guitar.

Granted, but it must have been an electric guitar because as it gently weeped you got electrocuted.

I wish I was Leonardo da Vinci.

Granted. You take his place and become him....unfortunately you are now buried alive.

I wish I could shapeshift.

Granted, as a bird, you are trapped in a cage, the person forgets to lock it so you escape but when you try again this time as Alyssa Milano you almost get raped by some psycho stalker, you get away then as you turn back into yourself and go home, your real stalker catches up with you and kills the both of you in a "Love" ceremony! Should have stayed the bird!

I wish I was the greatest novelist of all time!

Granted! There was a tie for greatest novelist so I took body parts from Jane Austen, Leo Tolstoy, Mark Twain, Charles Dickens and many others and I created an abomination. I can't wait to read your next novel.

I wish I could be happy with whatever I have.

You're happy. Better not hit the "snooze" button again.

I wish I had a riding mower.

Granted. Unfortunately you didn't specify *where* you had it, it appears above you, falls on your head and breaks your back. You are now too paralyzed to use it.

I wish I had extra limbs, like two more arms and a prehensile tail.

Granted. Please don't leave your house, you see, we still believe in lynching and burning or drowning witches.

I wish I would be the first one to discover faster than light traveling.

Granted...but as you travel faster than the speed of light, you ...in effect... travel into the future relative to the rest of us, and there is no way to go back into the past. So no one will ever know you discovered it. When you get to the future, you meet up with thousands of others who also discovered the same thing.

I wish I followed my instincts more than I have so far.