Xerxys

Granted, you begin having a honed sense in things and you start becoming successful. In fact, you become so good at this you actually feel the right lottery ticket number and become rich beyond your wildest dreams. After a couple of weeks of basking in your glory you sense the end is near. You refuse to believe this and after falling in love with the right woman, you die of a heart attack.

Anna Nichole Smith will miss you very much.

I wish I was the most creative person in the world.

Zeraph

Granted. Everyone else dies leaving you alone and therefore the most creative person in the world.

I wish I had a band and an awesome record deal/contract.

aphrodisiac

granted; you make millions only to squander it on crack and die alone sprawled on a hotel loo seat while the negative lyrics that you spawned wreck havoc on an entire generation of angsty teens who seek to mimic your demise

i wish i was less impulsive

Zeraph

Granted. Between the moments of the wish forming you suddenly realize you will miss out on opportunities of a lifetime; your true love flashes by never to be seen again, your perfect job is gone, ghostly faces of unborn children haunt your dreams. In the end you die lonely and in squalor.

I wish I had laser beam eyes.

Xerxys

Granted, you become, in fact so anal that you over analyze everything. You come to the conclusiopn that human beings are evil hence they should be exterminated. The cops catch up to you after you build a micro fuser in your shed and you were looking for yellowcake uranium to create a bomb. How you enjoy your stay in the madhouse.

Damn it Zeraph!!

OK, laser beam eyes. Granted. But now you can only see in red and you need to wear ultra UV repellent sun glasses because if you don't you will scorch whatever is in your sight. One day you look at very shiny metal and it reflects back at you and you kill a small city and die in the collapse of the buildings!!

I wish I was very good at sex.

aphrodisiac

granted, anyone you sleep with has all the blood rush to their genitals and suffers braindamage
the guilt stops you from actually having sex ever again

i wish i could fly

Zeraph

Gotta be faster than...a god Xeyxys! To catch this speedy devil.

Granted. You become so good at sex that you have one lover after another. They line the streets to see you. You get caught up in all the pretty women and catch multiple STDs. You die from complications of the penis.

EDIT: Damnit! Guess I'm not faster, aphrodisiac. Love apparently trumps devils and gods in speed.

Granted. You can now fly. Unfortunately you can not land. You escape earths atmosphere and choke to death in the vacuum of space.

Hey, I wish I was faster than a god.

BadNick

granted...but as you are proving you are faster than a speeding bullet, you stop to see how far back it is and it slams into you and you die

I wish I was really good at basketball

Zeraph

Granted. You are put into AIDs ridden body of Magic Johnson.

I wish I had minions.

thirdsun

Granted. But you have to provide health and dental insurance for them all.

I wish I was omnipotent.

Zeraph

Granted: Your brain can't handle it for more than a nanosecond though and your mind goes insane leaving you a drooling bag of flesh.

I wish I could spawn more of me with each drop of my blood.

thirdsun

Granted. But each new version of you is the size of an ant, so despite their proliferation, the colonies of your tiny clones are constantly being sprayed with insecticide or otherwise ignored...

I wish I had a starship like the USS Enterprise to visit other parts of the solar system and the Milky Way

Xerxys

Granted, you visit this one planet full of amazonian like women with very few males for mating and have the best sex of your life. When you discover that they kill their male hosts after a number of times you escape barely and go to another planet. The other planet you save from doom from a monster that was terrorizing them. Nothing wrong there ... You continue on your escapades and one day you crash land on a similar planet to the amazonian women only this time, it's men. The men, in nature, are laid back, Have fun, your entire ship is damaged into splinters and charred metal and because of the profane acts committed by the immensely homosexual men in that planet it was erased from the galactic archives.

The giant man called Borla called dibs on you BTW.

I wish I could turn anything into anything, even temporarily.

Xerxys

I get two wishes then ...

I wish I could cause an orgy like that woman in true blood.

Someone grant them and let's see what happens.

Reese

How does the woman in True Blood cause orgies? Doesn't matter, Granted, everyone gets naked and as you touch one of the women she turns into giant bulldozer and crushes everyone.


I wish I had the ability to prevent crimes before they happened.

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

Poppinjay

Poof. You are now bullet proof glass in a seedy liquor store.

I wish I had a nice scooter.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Reese

Granted, You have a brand new dog! He's got worms so he scoots his ass across your brand new carpet all day. He's a scooter!


I wish could reach into my pocket and always be able to pull out enough cash to cover whatever I want to purchase.

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

Xerxys

Granted. You live a comfortable life. Get a big house, furnish it. One day you meet this incredible lady at a bar. The both of you hit it off. While you are buying her drinks it appears she is a very good listener. One thing leads to another and you wind up at a hotel room and have the most amazing night of your life. She then asks you to pay up. You are outraged an refuse then she calls her pimp and once again your little talent pulls you out of a tight spot. Too bad money can't buy common sense cause you never wrapped up in the course of the night.

Enjoy your herpes, you will need to fill up prescriptions for the rest of your life.

I wish I had the orgasminator! A gun I point at you and shoot then you get an orgasm!!

thirdsun

Granted. You have a lot of fun taking this gun into malls and out on crowded city streets, watching with wicked delight as women try to hide their squirming and stifle their crys of sudden joy and men try to hide the huge boners and wet spots in their khaki pants. One day, you try it on a woman walking her dog. You miss the woman and hit the dog, which causes the dog to attack you and hump you in a heated frenzy. Trying to fend off the dog, you accidently shoot yourself with the gun at it's highest "most explosive orgasm" setting. The dog attacks your spasmodically jerking hips and rips away your cock, emasculating you for life. You are never again capable of orgasm yourself.

I wish I could change into any person I choose to be for 24 hours....

Zeraph

Granted. Within a year of using this ability though the secret society of real life witchunters tracks you down and kills you for being a doppleganger.

I wish I could hypnotize people with my eyes.

Xerxys

Granted, but before you could get a handle on using your abilities, you get killed by the local walmart greeter (was foolish enough to look you in the eyes) who you hypnotized into Bruce Lee.

I wish I had a point of view gun. You know, the one that was invented in the year 4567 by tired housewives association who were fed up with ending an argument with "YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YA!!"

Zeraph

Granted. Through one of the Heart of Gold's uses of the Infinite Improbability Drive you appear next to the gun, unfortunately due to the drive's side effects you're turned into a tomato and have not the appendages to use it.

I wish I had a super advanced computer in my head that I could use to serf the net (ok porn) and play video games during boring conversations and such.