Halx

Here's how it goes.

Person 1 makes a wish:

"I wish that I had a 10 inch penis"

Person 2 makes it a bad wish:

"but you retain your pencil-like girth"

and the Person 2 makes his wish and we start again..

so my wish..

I wish that I could have nailed that model I was eyeing last night...

__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

Bear Cub

but you use actual nails and a framing hammer to do so.

I wish I were taller...

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

BadNick

...but then your head wouldn't be in the right spot.




I wish I was rich.

Charlatan

But then everyone would just call you Dick. Best to stick with your current name.


I wish I had a unlimited amounts of cash.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Bear Cub

Congrats. You can have Cash 24/7.




I wish I lived in the Playboy Mansion.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

jlanez

Then Hef finally decides to swear off chicks and you are his, 24/7.

I wish I was the bear in Bear Cub's avatar.

little_tippler

But he has no cock, so what would you do anyway?

I wish I had bigger boobs.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Charlatan

But then you'd have to hang out with Jazz, Fly and Paddy Joe *all* the time.

I wish I could draw and paint better.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Jetée

No problem; you can now masterfully draws dicks with simple clean strokes and intense precision.


The wish-granting entity: my sworn enemy. Give me the power to alter time.

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

Bear Cub

Congrats, you have the power to fast forward or rewind to all of the worst moments in your life.


I wish I was a super-stud.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Baraka_Guru

And now you're a thoroughbred horse, ready for breeding!


* * * *


I wish I could eat gourmet cooking for every meal.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Halx

Escargot is gourmet. So are spider eggs.

I wish I had a maid.

__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

BadNick

...so she could clean you out real good



I wish I had a motorcycle.

Bear Cub

It's yours!




I wish I was an NFL linebacker.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Daniel_

Congratulations, Keith Newman.

I wish I was having supper at the Dorchester Hotel in London, England tonight, with a free selection from the menu, someone else paying the bill, and wonderful company.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

jewels

It was a wonderful free dinner, but you paid for quite some time as you discovered you were a victim of ptomaine poisoning on your way home.

I wish I had a job that paid me what I was worth and treated me with respect.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

fresnelly

Your rise to the top of the financial sector has been unprecedented. And I'm sure you can get time off for good behaviour. Just try not to get shanked in the showers.

I wish that the upcoming Star Trek movie will kick ass and totally revitalize the series.

__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

BogeyDope

The new Star Trek movie does kick ass, and so do the next five of them. Eventually a cult is formed around the series, and people treat Captain Kirk like a God. Eventually it is banned after millions of people die after they banded together to build homemade versions of the U.S.S. Enterprise out of old Soviet rockets and accidentally fly into the United Nations HQ.

I wish I could live and be 18 years old forever.

__________________
Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.

BadNick

...and forever live someplace where the drinking age is 21.

I wish I had the lucky lotto Powerball winning ticket.

ottopilot

but because you buy lotto tickets every day, you start to forget to check your tickets from time to time... 2 years later when packing for a move, you find an expired winning power ball ticket.

I wish I could have found a way to make a decent living as a full time musician.

__________________
"It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo

Bill O'Rights

Welcome to your new job as a song writer for The Wiggles.

I wish that I could still fit into my old Air Force uniform.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Poppinjay

You there, in the uniform, get on the bus. We're going to Afghanistan!

I wish I had the ability to run a decent country club and the opportunity to do so.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

BadNick

You are given a chance and succeed while also helping the country club nurse, Nurse Sanders, seduce Captain Joseph MacKenzie, but it turns out she just wanted to give both of you enemas when she's not being Halx's maid.




I wish the Phillies win the World Series this year.

jewels

The Phillies won!! Sorry, it's time to wake up.

I wish someone would mow my lawn for me.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

energus

Your neighbour used Agent Orange and your skin tone is now Umpa Lumpa coloured

**********

I wish it would stop raining

__________________
Somnia, terrores magicos, miracula, sagas,
Nocturnus lemures, portentaque.
Horace

Lucifer

Welcome to the world's newest desert!

*******************

I wish for world peace.

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

BadNick

Peace with or without pepperoni?...you can have it your way:




I wish McD's won't go bankrupt since I'll need to work there til I die when my 401K is worthless.

Daniel_

That can be arranged sir... I believe that your booking in the euthenasia booth is tomorrow evening at 6pm.

I wish I wasn't so busy at work.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Bear Cub

Congrats! You've been promoted to door man at the fire exit!

I wish I owned a PS3.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Amaras

Work drops off, suddenly so do profits, and BOOM! Welcome to the unemployment line (or queue for you, I guess).

I wish I could smoke pot and NOT lose all of my energy, willpower, ambition, etc.....


The only games that you can afford are G rated.

I wish I could smoke pot and NOT lose all of my energy, willpower, ambition, etc.....

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Bear Cub

Congrats, you made some delicious sausage to boot!




I wish I won the lottery.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Dixy

You did, but so did 10 000 other people.

I wish for some rain.

Amaras

Acid rain it is! Welcome to Canada during the Reagan era.

I wish the Miami Dolphins had a great defence.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Lucifer

They do, but unfortunately the opposing team has a better offense!


I wish I was sailing!

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

Dixy

On an Optimist in the eye of a storm.

I wish my bull gave me less bull (stubborn @#$%)

energus

Congrats he no longer gives bull but milk, you are a cow richer.

****

I wish my kid would sleep through the night

__________________
Somnia, terrores magicos, miracula, sagas,
Nocturnus lemures, portentaque.
Horace

jewels

Congrats, your child is Rip Van Winkle.

I wish I was fluent in six languages.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

BadNick

pooof!!! now you are and land a job as a tour guide at Six Flags Amusement Park.


I wish it was always a sunny Springtime.

Lucifer

You inherit shares in a sunblock company!

I wish I was marginally richer

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

Amaras

And then inflation kicks in and you are marginalized!

I wish I was a better writer.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928