|
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...
|
When I was in college, a buddy of mine asked another friend if he wanted to play beer pong. He said, "I'd rather have a tequila enema." My buddy said, "Lime and salt with that?" We ended up playing a memorably unrememberable game of pong.
|
All this emo shit drives me to distraction, doing as it wishes.
|
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
|
|
I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?" And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson...
|
I didn't know where else to post this new discovery. I think I'd call it Emo Eve:
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...f_sodom_tm.jpg |
|
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
|
Quote:
|
|
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
|
Quote:
|
...along the same theme, I had a friend who often paid a hooker down on Locust St. in Philly for "gum jobs" that she apparently offered since her teeth came out.
|
How much Nick?
|
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers. Damn anthropologists.
|
damn girls...
|
Normally they just use me for sex and alcohol... I'd cut myself and cry about but it's pretty bitchin'
|
Women? A Mistake? Or did He do it to us on Purpose. (Jack at his most ,,, whatever it is that he is.)
|
|
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.
|
That's not even emo, that's just fucked up.
|
Quote:
http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/G...89131_6147.jpg |
He looks like a magician who does magic tricks for the sole purpose of molesting children.
|
Ronny James Dio was emo before emo was emo.
He's a Rainbow in the Dark. Example: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/181/4...a0dda22863.jpg |
Quote:
|
Quote:
He's really, really Short. I suppose that could make him sad. Kramus: Emo is a twisted Genius -----Added 20/1/2009 at 08 : 50 : 45----- Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Yeah, that was pretty great.
|
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
|
|
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
|
|
My wife wanted me to play doctor in bed. I said, "Pathologist?"
/ Not Emo, but it should be. -----Added 23/1/2009 at 05 : 36 : 07----- Wait, Liberace was Gay!!!? Huh. Never would have guessed. |
|
that's not emo unc, that's homoerotic
|
This thread makes me feel like painting my fingernails black and putting money into the stock market... so it'll FAIL... just like my hopes and dreams.
|
Quote:
sing along with me... "when you wish upon a star..." |
Quote:
Down and down, it'll spiral away. After this last girl, I wish I was gay. Happier I'd be... castrated and alone. My soul is black and so is my cell phone. It never rings, no one calls. My life is just a kick in the balls. Oh, bother. ... Ooo, I just emo'd the hell outta everybody. Thanks, I'll be here all week! |
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid ... and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
|
I might paint my nails black... then punch some emus in the face.
|
My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.
|
I bought this girlfriend lingerie once. It had brightly colored humans skulls on it.
Because I associate sex with the massacre of a million of my potential offspring. So sad, really. A million little white-capped Micheal Phelps paddling along to their demise. And what better to adorn the source of human creation, the vajayjay, than the symbol of death? We had a fight over my nail polish color and her constantly calling me Micheal Constantine. So I put it in the trash one night -- while I was leaving -- under some empty cans of Chunky soup. How fitting. Perhaps a transvestite hobo is wearing it right now. And thinking of me. |
My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
|
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
I want to believe it will all work out.
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
Phil....Oh i dunno, this is just so sad. I am full up to here with sad, I shouldn't have clicked on this thread.
So, here's some more sad: I spilled a pot of boiling water on my left leg and foot on May 1'st. It hurt. The blisters are healing. It's safe to pick at them now. |
A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."
---------- Post added at 02:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:40 PM ---------- Cell phones are like a dog's nipples... you don't have to shout into them! |
Hey! Top! That's almost as funny as your ' snake-vest' joke.
That one is priceless, thanks for the big grin, I needed that. |
I died, and I'm in the waiting room in heaven. And Jesus walks in behind me-but I didn't know it was him, I said, "Close the door, what were you born in a barn?" And I look...
|
Damnit, Tophat, you just TOTALLY SCREWED a ridiculous, maudlin thought. -Thanks.
|
Ahh, but it's Emo.
I like breasts, but more than a forkful is a waste. |
Hey there, I was just thinking that the Hallmark channel should be
re-named the Maudlin channel. When I kill the television, I will do it so it doesn't suffer much. One swift jab to the throat should do it; wait, I might hurt my hand. |
I always suspected the right hormone.
|
"There's too much violins on tv." - Emily Litella
|
Quote:
|
My thanks to Silent Partner.
|
|
Quote:
|
Beauty, Plan9. Do you have a tissue?
|
Here's another good one for emo breakups:
Quote:
|
This is as close to Emo as I can get...
|
|
I remember in High School when that song would come on, I would always say, "Yes, Really."
|
|
What this thread needs is more Emo. Some emo Emo even...
|
If I wanted pain,
there would be no glancing blows, & I'd close my eyes. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
If I ever run into a Real Vampire, I'll have my Unicorn gore the fucker.
|
Quote:
EDIT: Shit, sorry. I forgot this was the emo thread. /geek |
Baraka, your references of John Carpenter's Vampires has earned you yet another beer whenever we hang out.
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Behold, you never met my lover.
Neither have I. |
I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
Cell phones are like Dog's nipples. You don't have to shout into them!
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
|
Damnit, darlin', the metrognome wasn't hurting us! We should have had him up for T.
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
I went to Jerusalem. So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
---------- Post added at 09:29 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:28 AM ---------- |
1 Attachment(s)
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
I can't help myself - did you say More mon?
|
1 Attachment(s)
|
| All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:07 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project