He has performed miracles. He made one fish feed several. He has changed Beer into urine (on command, unlike his opponent). He has excorcized the demon (that would be Hillary), and turned her to his purpose. He has walked in water.

He gets clothes whiter, makes breath fresher, prevents fleas and ticks for up to six months, and makes mounds of Julienne fries. He cures the heartbreak of psoriasis (Christ! you don't know the meaning of Heartbreak) and finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for weeks. And he doubles on bass.

He's new, he's improved, he's old fashioned.
/ Step right up...
// Step right up...

Obama will be president because Germans want to have his liebe-kind.

and plays a mean bass solo...

OBama will be president because he doesn't wear incontinence-protection.

Obama will be President because he doesn't call every German Fritz or Jerry.
-----Added 25/7/2008 at 08 : 00 : 56-----
Obama will be president because the rumors about his people being... gifted are twue.

Obama will be president because he is magical.

Obama will be president because he is made of teflon and dresses in kevlar, but is soft and fuzzy, and women love to snuggle with him.

Obama will be president because the Race card the McCain Campaign played gave Obama a straight flush. I will forebear to name the suit, though.

Obama will become president because he will initiate a new enforcement branch called the Federal Bureau of Tire Pressure.

Obama will be president because he as a sweet and creamy center.

4 out of 5 dentists recommend Obama for cleaner, whiter teeth.

He will be president because he can put an American on the moon simply by spitting, but won't because it would be impolite.

He has trained a parrot to speak in Church Latin.

He can convince Black people that Jeremiah Wright is a bitter crazy old man, not unlike John McCain when you come right down to it.

When Obama farts, it sounds like Paganini and smells like money.

He will be president because his campaign plane is O-Force 1 while McCain's is Fox Force 5, which really is just a pilot.

:lol: crackin me up man

I liked all of them actually!

Awww, shucks. I live to serve.

From the McCain Attack ad thread, another reason...
Obama IS Batman.

/ John, John, John. Why so serious?

Obama will become president because he has tasted Astrocloud's wiener.

Obama will be president...for life. Because once you go Barack, you never go back.

What?

AHHHHHHHHH! LMAO! :thumbsup:

I must now compose myself, wipe the tears, take deep breaths... thanks, I needed that

Obama will win because he's not beholden to the pill lady to stay alive.

Hey, has anyone noticed something?

Baraka_Guru, Barack Obama... Baracka_Obama_Guru, or BOG, if you will.

Everyone knows that bogs are teeming with life, and this is why Obama will be president.

Funny, I never noticed that before.

Obama will be president because Paris Hilton will throw her support behind him in October, because it will piss her daddy off.
-----Added 15/8/2008 at 11 : 47 : 17-----
Obama will be president because today is Friday, Friday is a Pants Free Day, and he is too boucoup.

Obama will be president because John Kerry will be his vice president. :crazy:

Obama will be president, because if not, John Kerry will eat this cute little bunny:
http://www.funnypictures.net.au/imag...ny-rabbit1.jpg
ALIVE!!!!!!

When Obama talks, EF Hutton Listens.

Obama will become president because he will star in a Greek tragedy in front of 80,000 adoring fans.

http://www.drudgereport.com/otf.jpg

Right on the 50 yard line. I guess he's trying to portray himself as a centrist.

And think of the Medea attention! There will be many, many columns in newspapers all across the country tomorrow. Theseus will be the greatest days of his life.

(something about sending mccain's daughter to the Republican Convention in a car with Black sails... Sorry, are the voices in my head disturbing you?)

Obama will be president because Biden will buy him the election on credit and he'll pay it off over the next 8 years at a 21% low, low, low APR.
-----Added 28/8/2008 at 10 : 31 : 50-----
Barak Obama will be president because he will be on the revised album cover for Houses of the Holy.

He will put a bireme in every garage and a golden fleece in every pot.

Barack Obama will be president by recalling the glory that was classical Greece, despite the fact that his opponent was there. He will Hoplitely over that fact.

Yes!

http://www.nypost.com/seven/08282008/photos/news006.jpg

http://www.nypost.com/seven/08282008...dium_large.jpg

Serious for just a second. (Please, no hitting. Enough of that already. Knock it off! I'll tell mom, and she'll whomp you!) That looks less classic Greek and more antebellum plantation, particularly with the Georgia and Virginia delegations in the foreground.

Seriously, Barack Obama will be president because he needs a fucking FOOTBALL STADIUM for his acceptance speech, and will still have to turn people away, whereas his opponent, if you discounted the delegates, couldn't fill an IHop unless it were seniors eat free day.

/ We now return you to your gentle mockery, already in progress

If Michelle comes out in a dress made of curtains, I will plotz. Plotz, I tell you.

Barack Obama will be president because he is the Lord of this Manor.