The Complaint Department
 

I hereby appoint this thread the capability of logging all complaints, both real and imagined.

Posting the complaint will nullify the existence of said complaint, so once you've complained, it's all good.

Here's my beginning contribution:

Work is slow today for some odd reason.

I'm bored shitless.

I'm horny (lots of men around but no one I want, waaaa)

I'm broke.

I'm hungry and it's not lunchtime.

My neck hurts.

I didn't sleep well last night.

TO THE TFP COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT
I hereby submit my complaint: people just complain too much about minor relatively insignificant things. Look around the world and be grateful for what you have. Look at the bright side of life. Not to say things can't improve, but don't dwell on the negative minor crap while you're working on improvements.

Unlike jewels, I'm busy as hell in work today; actually that's as usual ...mainly because most people here don't know what the f**k they're doing so unless it's blatantly stupid obvious, I have to make the decisions and figure it out. Well, at least they pay me for it.

I just ordered a tuna grinder for lunch ...a fine Italian roll made at the little sandwich shop, with only albacore white tuna, Hellmans mayo, provolone, tomato, lettuce, raw onion ...then toasted lightly in their pizza oven. Damn, this sambo is so good I can see how it can make you horny.

i didn't sleep at all last night........fuckin' mixing/mastering my tunes all night.......i'm damn tired.



oh yeah.......and joe keeps fucking bugging me......

people have complained
that I don't complain enough;
bye bye nullify.

I'm f'ing sick of writing my final papers.

I complain, therefore I am.
Complaining is part of the job here. I could probably fill the server with the litany I've heard the past few days. I could put a small dent in it just by myself. I won't bore you with all of them, but if any good ones come up, I'll let you know.

'ckin' whiners...

I wish to complain about a 'winning' lottery ticket I bought just recently. I actually wanted the first division but imagine my surprise when it turns out I only had four numbers and barely got my money back. I believe this to be due to no fault of my own and demand an immediate upgrade. I'm not totally unreasonable and am quite happy to wait a short while for my millions to be transferred to my account. Please be sure to rectify whatever faulty sales device/technique has occurred to bring about this obvious mistake.

It's raining and nasty outside.

Bummer.

I wanna go play in a puddle and I can't.

i miss Nancy.............

I'm still upset that Skittle Bowl isn't an olympic event......

It snowed last night, and now its downpouring rain, so all the roads are flooded. Nasty nasty nasty.

I'm complaining about the same nasty weather here!!! And on top of that, my one boy decides this morning he will meet his buddy at the local Borders ...which won't even be open for a couple hours... and they will walk to school together in this cold downpour, not to mention the delayed school opening, so I'm sure he'll be sitting in school all day dripping wet. Ahhh, no you are not doing that I told him but I got nothing but a lot of complaints on that ...reminded me of this thread and you guys.

My morning coffee is crap.

my kids are really pissin' me off right now.

Ain't got none,
but haven't any.
Life is good.

It's absolutely gorgeous outside. I'm complaining 'cause I can't share it with those of you with less perfect weather today.

'ckin' cold over on this side of the peninsula...

Same here, but it's sunny and it feels GOOD! 59 right now I think, how's by you?

44...

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! That IS cold. :shudders: Come on down, that 15 degrees makes a diff, ya know.

Formal Complaint
I bought a bunch of chocolate covered macadamia nuts last night and they're already all gone.

Hey world!

Westboro Baptist Church and all other Religious Fundamentalists/Extremists
Nationaldemokratische Partei Deutschlands
NIU Shootings and all similar school shootings
Assud the Hamas Bunny
Scientologists

Time for all of us to shove off this mortal coil and let some other species rise up and take our place. There is no place in the universe for us like this.

four legs good;
two legs bad...

A three legged race.....?

Uhhh..
I have no complaints to report at this time...
I'm outta here...
See ya...

My complaint is that I can't muster a good complaint right now. Oh, except that the bridge of my nose has a painful by not particularly visible zit on it that's driving me BUGFUCK!

I can't find anyone around here who'll make me breakfast.

i'm looking at this huge pothole in my driveway....i should fix it.


there goes doin' sweet FA today......

There is a giant pile of size 26 clothes that my size 6 wife has shrunken out of bagged in my garage in front of the tools I need to make the platform to level the 110 gallon fish tank to hold the bushfish that have been living in a 25 gallon tank while I wait for her to take care of that pile of goddamn clothes. Grrrr.

And the strippers aren't here yet either.

my neck hurts.
and the cats are keeping me awake.
along with the man who rolls over and says, "would you please manage whatever is on your side table so that i can get an hour of uninterrupted sleep."
yes, dear.
no matter that i've been up since two a.m. fighting with your kitten who enjoys chewing on used q-tips and drinking out of the toilet.
i hate being tired and cranky.

okay, i'm done. thanks.

my head hurts...
my feet stink...
and i don't love jesus...

I'd like to complain about the quality of these complaints. They lack a certain non sequitor quality fundamental to this forum.

And my coffee doesn't taste the way it should.

i'm actually quite pissed off that joe hasn't been around to kick my sorry ass lately..........


the bastard.


Top dude.............liquor man...........


no really.



and i have none myself............fuck.

Complaint: loosing my mind
Fly man, don't hold this against me, I don't know what got into me! I went out to dinner at one of my favorite local places, Khajuraho Indian Restaurant, since it's byob I took some beers to drink with dinner and ended up drinking tea, and taking the beers home ...wtf?
Complaint #2: too many good foods, I could only sample a couple
I had Mulligatawny soup, a traditional soup made with lentils and subtly flavored with delicate herbs; for my main course I had lamb Biryani which is Indian basmati rice cooked with layers of lamb, onion, fresh ginger and exotic delicate spices; to go with it, an order of onion Kulcha, which is scrumptious unleavened bread stuffed with onions

...still time for redemption, I'll drink the beers now that I'm home

Why would he hold this against you? He drinks tea everywhere he goes. Oh, heheh, wait......that's Coors Lite!

sorry, carry on.....

bite me joe..........:D

no can do...

not a big fan of canadian bacon........:lol:

Man, there are so many places I want to go, but , thanks to the the airline industry leveraging their economic power to create a situation at airports where there are fewer takeoff and landing slots and loading than planes scheduled to fill them, a paranoid and frankly cowardly response to an overestimated threat on the part of a government hungry for more power by any means necessary, the sort of bluenose busybodyism that lead to the WCTU in a excessively vocal minority voting bloc, and a shortsigted energy policy seemingly based on finding the places in the world with the least stable cultures and governments and mining for things to burn there, it is more trouble and expense than it's worth.

Fuck them all. They can suck a fart out of my ass, each and every one of them - the airlines, the government, the busybodies, the energy companies, the Texans, Arabs, Persians, Nigerians, Russians, Kazhaks, Afghans, Floridians, Canadians, Venezuelans, Mexicans, and Religious fundamentalists of all stripes. I'll make sure to eat bean burritos and tuna omelettes for a week just to have appropriately pungent anal vapors for their sniffing pleasure.

The literal cost of this so-called oil crisis is killing me, namely gasoline which has been going up about two cents per day since that dime-in-one-day increase about three weeks ago and food, including eggs, fruit and milk. Soon I won't be able to afford to drive anywhere but to work and back and won't be able to buy milk or eggs if they keep going up at this rate.

Rant over. For now.

You know what else pisses me off? Ethanol. That's a boondoggle. Corn's too cheap? Let's burn it!

so, tell us how you REALLY feel...

I feel grumpy is how I feel, phil. I'm going to buy a pair of white shoes, hike my pants up to my chest, move to Arizona, and start complaining about the government full time.

I know of a militia group that worships polyesters..
would that be of help?

got a couple pair of golf shoes i could lend you...

I am not with him...it hurts.

I'd like to complain that many of the posts in this thread are replies to complaints rather than complaints themselves.

One of my main complaints is that complaining seems to rarely fix the cause of my complaints. What does one have to do to get something corrected around here? ...go postal?

I'll fix it for you.

http://www.poee.org/images/30/poof.gif

sorry, no complaints ...I'm just poofing away!

I'd like to complain about the number of poofs that have recently shown up. None of them are named Bruce. This is an issue of slender significance.

Tophat,
please let me try to remedy this injustice ...here is Bruce wearing a poof sleeve dress. Does this help?

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...0pics/poof.jpg


...though I feel obligated to complain about the size of his rack, or lack thereof.

Yeah, buying off the rack sucks, but all the good dresses are bespoken.

It's cold in here and I already have a sweater on and I'm in Florida, dammit. :cry:

turn up the heat? ....also, when I lived in an apartment where the cheap landlord had the heat set too low, I used to boil water on the electric stove since I was not being charged for electric utilities, the increased humidity made it feel quite a bit warmer, not to mention this cost him more than if he had just turned the heat to a normal level. Or get some of those nice silk long underwears
Terramar Women's 100% Pure Silk Thermal Underwear
Super Soft 100% Silk Long Underwear for women FABRIC: 100% Pure Filament Pointelle Silk FEATURES: EC2® Qwik-Dri™ Scallop neck and armhole trim...$39.99

Or are you just whinning?

Whining, but I'm allowed to here. I have no control over the a/c setting. (Another complaint.) But feel free to ship me the silk undies. I'll take 'em.

My nose itches.

I want to complain about the lack of activity in this thread.
Y'all can't tell me you have nothing to bitch about.

'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

O: We're closin' for lunch.

C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

(shouting at the cage)

'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

O: I never!!

C: Yes, you did!

O: I never, never did anything...

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

O: No no! 'E's pining!

C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

O: I got a slug.

(pause)

C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

O: Nnnnot really.

C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.

C: Bolton, eh? Very well.

The customer leaves.

The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

C: This is Bolton, is it?

O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.

C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

The customer goes to the train station.

He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".

C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

C: I beg your pardon...?

A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know.

C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

A: No, this is Bolton.

C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

A: Can't blame British Rail for that.

C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

He does.

C: I understand this IS Bolton.

O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

C: You told me it was Ipswitch!

O: ...It was a pun.

C: (pause) A PUN?!?

O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?

O: Yeah, that's it!

C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!

O: Well, what do you want?

C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...

That's enough of that, or do I have to break out.....
DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!
http://jschumacher.typepad.com/photo...omfy_chair.jpg
The Comfy Chair!

I have to go back to work tomorrow.

I have to figure out how to get paid all of my sick time when I get notice.

i'm not too pleased with the shape of the ice "cubes" that come out of the ice-maker in the freezer...

My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don't love Jesus. Not, mind you, that I am thrilled with Jimmy Buffet either.

top, you could just get drunk and screw...

Nah, I'm more of a Dead Kennedys guy. And besides, I'm too drunk to .....

Only dead thing 'bout that Kennedy is his liver.... and presidential aspirations. Not that I'm compaining.....

yeah, and they REALLY love him in nantucket...seriously... :)

^ he reminds me: Gasoline prices totally suck and I don't expect them to get better.

See what happens when you put an unsuccessful oilman with royal Arab buddies in charge?

My complaint, while half of the population is below average is axiomatic, the average is way too low.

i need a buck o seven to get a chicken sandwich and i only have eighty-seven cents

This morning I decided to try out BK's new (at least new around here) breakfast cheesy bacon burrito wrap. It needs improvement.

wonder what swing i woke up with today...

there oughtta be a little calendar next to the alarm clock: "good swing; golf today..." or "bad swing: stay home and mow lawn..."

breakfast is still in the shops and not my cupboard :(

Some people just don't get it. Sometimes I don't get it.

Some people are assholes no matter how kindly you treat them.

my wrist watch is losing appoximately two seconds a day and if this continues then in approximately 60 months ill have lost a whole hour and probably be completely lost. thanks alot timex.

I'm pissed off that every day is not a Saturday.

Nick is always complaining.

Where the hell is my chocolate bar? I want my fuckin' chocolate bar now!

I ate it earlier.

THey put mayo on my sub. :mad:

I have a sore throat. AGAIN.

'ckin' skwerls...

Closing didn't happen last night.