really?
you're a doll, thanks so much! (but do i have to wait another 6months to get them?)


everyone out there thinks that Carly Simon sang, "You're so vain" for Warren Beatty (or was it Mick Jagger? Cat Stevens? Kris Kristofferson?)... but those of us in the know are aware that Carly actually sang it for Bernie after Bernie kicked Carly out of the womens toilets at the local supermarket because she wanted to redo her makeup.

What even fewer people know is at that very momentous event involving carly and bernie, bundy was in the last stall on the right, trying out his new mangina.

which i had just bought at JJ's Discount Mangina and Nuclear Warhead Store

bundy is now working on a matched set of man-boobs to go with his mangina...

uncle phil just wants to sell bundy some of his excessive collection of manziers... None of them fit since he boosted his implant size.

Charlatan has every issue of "16" magazine that featured Shawn Cassidy on its cover. They're terribly dog-eared and are still hidden under his mattress, along with his red flashlight.

JJ has fond memories of said red flashlight...

uncle phil would like to have his memory back

Flyman has lost his short term memory due to excessive THC accumulation in the bloodstream blocking the creation of neural connections between synapses.

Tecoyah used to want to be a doctor, but he kept scaring patients when he kept muttering under his breath "brains.... I just need 2 more brains....

in a related deepest, darkest secret, amonkie's plans for world domination failed when tecoyah left medical school. She now spends her days splicing in subliminal messages into her mp3 tracks which she then uploads for users to download on kazaa lite.

Those messages say, "brains.... you just need 2 more brains...."

Unfortunately, she only needs one more brain since JJ happily traded his for a pair of fake vulcan ears.

Jonsgirl admits to having seen both From Justin to Kelly and Gili

Malou went with Jonsgirl to see Gigli and fell in lust with the usher in the theatre.

and who was that usher? Hmm, fremen?

JJ is still thinkin' about charlatan's red flashlight...

Late at night Uncle Phil like to sit naked in the front seat of his car and listen to talk radio... Dr. Laura turns his crank.

Charaltan is a proud sponsor (and shameless peeping tom) of the Dr. Laura crank turning.

Jonsgirl spends her afternoons giving Brazilian wax jobs to seniors at the old age home... No payment does she require... just the pleasure of close contact with the aged.

Charaltan likes to play in his kitten's litterbox, making sandcastles and using the clumps as toy soldiers.

Sadly, Jonsgirl didn't have many friends when she was little... Her only friend's were her toes (which she gave names to). After long walks she would be wracked with guilt thinking she'd been walking on their faces all day... Even sadder... when her husband took to kissing her toes, she got jealous and stopped talking to them despite their begging her forgiveness...

the C-man contributed four names for those toes...

uncle phil is a woman?????

jstory brings homeless people home so he can use them as airfreshener in his house...

Charlatan hides his vestigial gills by turning his shirt collars up.

GH uses the eyes in the back of his head to look down my grandmother's blouse.

Jonsgirl wishes she had breasts to make hamburgers use the eyes in the back of their heads...

(maybe that secret isn't too deep and dark)

Charlatan is a chronic bed-wetter. Only, it's not his bed.......

Jonsgirl pays me to pee in her bed because she likes it...

the c-man has a urine fixation...(we'll presume that it's a secret)

uncle phil can't keep secrets...

Charlatan's secret is he likes to piss into coke bottles and throw them at the monkeys in the zoo in retaliation for a swing-by feces flinging he had there as a child with them.

Freman's secret is that he likes to drink what he finds in coke bottles at monkey cages.

Astrocloud was one of the monkeys that threw the feces at Charlatan...hence the "Dark Banana"

not.......very......well......hung........

It's true...I have no penis. But Flyman's out of weed!!!!!!!!

Manuel doesn't know fly very well...........


*never go short in the land of plenty baby*

flyman keeps a collection of his scabs in a box in the cupboard... he keeps hoping that one day he can exhibit them at the National Gallery...

Charlatan contributes almost daily to the scab box. Most have come from poo infested sores that never seem to go away.

Jonsgirl has been dipping into the box for years and can't figure out why the bacon bits don't taste like bacon...