Push-Pull

OK, this thread is born from the need to obtain a more eh, "civilized" way of saying "douche bag". A guy from work just loves the word, and frankly, while it does flow easily off the tongue, I believe that there is a much more eloquent way of saying the same thing and sound polite at the same time. (You gotta love it when you insult someone and they really don't know if you just flamed or praised them....)

Anyhow, no sense in only including the phrase douche bag, so let's just make it open for all comers.....

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

dawnoffawn

Great thread, Push-pull. i'm a sucker when it comes ot insulting and cannot ofr my life find any other word that the insulting truth (lol), so any ideas would really come in handy.

Infinite_Loser

Just call him a troglodyte

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

squeeeb

"inane drone" works well, or "cognitively simple"

__________________
onward to mayhem!

Zooksport2

infantesimile pismire, you are

__________________

Fast Forward

A thin, meek and gentle fellow was entering a shop at the very same moment a large aggressive bully was making his exit. The doorway was much too narrow for the both of them so the bully says, “I NEVER give way to an idiot!” The little guy immediately steps aside to let him pass and then looks up and says, “Oh! But I ALWAYS DO!”

ring

sophmoric works,

some will just think it's an undergrad.

Sion

call him a fecal remnant

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Ourcrazymodern?

Whatever comes off the top of your head should work as a response to "douche bag", if you feel the need to respond with anything other than a quick fist to the head.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Push-Pull

Uhhh, the guy doesn't aim "douche bag" at me, but he is rather fond of using it often. Which is strange because the guy is actually very well rounded and intelligent. I just wanted to offer him an alternative.

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

Tophat665

"It's your kind wot cause unrest."

"When your IQ hits 50, sell. You will profit"

"Waste of perfectly good Oxygen"

"Anal Wart"

The problem with replacing douchebag in someone's vocabulary is that it has a certain euphony to it. Iambic insults just seem to work better "GODdamn STUpid FUCking WASTE of JISum" (And in pentameter at that.)

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

ring

Wave hello and say " Hi! colonic"

uncle phil

If you was da tree and I was da Squirrel, I'd store me nuts in yer hole.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Sion

its not very eloquent, but I've found that shitbag is a nice change of pace from douchebag.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

uncle phil

my Love for you is like diarrhea; I can't hold it in...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Tophat665

His Circle of Willis is choked with fecaliths.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

bunjamin

Perhaps try suggesting a subtle change. For instance, I've noticed several people saying "douche nozzle" recently, but maybe you'd not find it any less annoying.

Fast Forward

I'd have been your father if that collie hadn't got over the fence before me.

uncle phil

Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

tecoyah

"I'm terribly sorry, but I completely forgot I requested your Opinion"

Oh....and Peniswipe

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

vermin

Use racial epithets, but make sure they're always the wrong ones.

__________________
If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

Sion

more of a bad pickup line than an insult, wouldn't you say?

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

troit

You need to keep in mind that when you are stooping to their level you need to use words they understand. The following, when said sacrastically, hits home rather well:

Just call then a "Mental Giant".

__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...

uncle phil

i probably would...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Tophat665

Somebody forgot to pay their brain bill again. (Sing-song-y)

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Jezzabelle

Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face
Ass Hat
Douche Nozzle
Festering zit on my ass
Fuck Tard
Cock face


I interchange them on a regular basis

Tophat665

I do like Fucktard

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Fast Forward

I love it

Ourcrazymodern?

I WOULD never say that to YOU.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Fast Forward

I'm partial to "Toe Rag".

Sion

or, if he has a day during which he uses the term excessively, you could say "What is it with you and this incessant douchebaggery today?"

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

ring

"yeah.. he's a real,(or she) Water Sport.

MSD

Compound insults are fun and all, but sometimes you have to be more straight forward with them. Next time he calls you a douchebag, tell him to go fornicate himself.

Anxst

For more polite company, I always liked my daughter's favorite.

"Loserhead".

__________________
Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.

Fast Forward

...... or to sit on himself.

Tophat665

Schweenbag is a good one. It doesn't actually mean anything, but it sounds filthy.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

ring

Iv'e called people 'Corizo'

Sion

best I've ever come up with is this:

That's not the most unintelligent thing I've ever heard, but it does have ambition.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Beyond_Borders

Lepton

__________________

Hyacinthe

"I hope your ears turn into ass holes and shit on your shoulders"

" If you were any more of a tool they would sell you at Bunnings"

"I'd like to see things from your point of view but I just can't stick my head that far up my ass"

"Expel sebaceous fluids from your tear ducts in greater quantities novice."
translates to "Cry more newb"

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."