| rockogre |
06-09-2003 08:38 AM |
The original arrays were low power, low rotational speed machines and were mostly labratory curiousities. Also the smell of racid butter and cat feces dictated large ventilation assemblies if the array were to be scaled up.
Secret documents brought to light since the fall of the Soviet Empire describe huge cylinders whose outside circumference were lined with rings of cats aligned along the rotational axis of the cylinder. As cats always land on their feet it was discovered that three or more cats bound in a feet out configuration at 120 degree intervals would rotate WITHOUT THE USE OF BUTTERED BREAD!
This finding allowed all forces to then be focused on cat maintenance. It was found that attaching and removing hundreds of cats was not only time consuming but dangerous. Cat scratch fever was rampant among the early maintenance crews.
The answer involved two radial tubes. One at the cats head, and one at the tail.
The head tube provided unlimited food as each cat could eat on at least one third of each rotation. The other two thirds of the tube were filled with cat treats, toys, and catnip.
On a side note, it was discovered that the catnip to cat ratio had to be kept within very severe limits as too little made the cats bored but too much would result in runaway roatation of the device, oftern with deadly and messy consequences as cats became detached from the cylinder at high speed.
Waste products from the exhaust were handled by the second tube, commonly refered to by the maintenance crew as the "Shit Tube". With the rear of each cat firmly attaced to the tube, both solid waste and gaseous components were flushed from the tube on each rotation.
Noting that cats are unusually quite, plans were discovered for large submarines powered entirely by Feline Rotational Cylinders, or FRC's.
Rumor has it that all FRC related material was moved to the infamous Area 51 in Nevada and all mention of this technology is now totally withheld from the world at large.
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