No offense intended - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

tecoyah · 04-13-2006, 02:09 PM

But....this is freakin' Funny. A letter sent to Dr Laura...heh.

"
Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that (Leviticus 18:22) clearly states it
to be an abomination.

End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of
the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in (Exodus 21:7). In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. (Lev. 25:44) states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. (Exodus 35:2) clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. (Lev. 21:20) states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev.19:27). How should they die?

9. I know from (Lev.11:6- that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates (Lev. 19:19) by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted fan, Jim"

maleficent · 04-13-2006, 02:23 PM

this email was circulated so much, that in The West Wing, season 2 I think, the entire diatribe was lifted by Aaron Sorkin when President Barlet went off on a Dr Laura like radio personality...

uncle phil · 04-13-2006, 02:28 PM

anybody want to "hear" 'dear abby' again?

Carno · 04-13-2006, 03:01 PM

It's only funny to people who know jackshit about the Bible.

That list really is retarded.

Topper · 04-13-2006, 03:35 PM

Not much to say here without offending someone...

but...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

krwlz · 04-13-2006, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carno

It's only funny to people who know jackshit about the Bible.

That list really is retarded.

Haha, thats the point man. Its comparing the homosexuality being a horrible thing to the rest of the retarded list.

Carno · 04-13-2006, 07:19 PM

No, it's retarded because those laws were made irrelevant with the New Testament.

Not that I give a shit or am offended at all. I just think it's stupid because of how ignorant it it is

Poppinjay · 04-13-2006, 07:28 PM

Well, part of the joke is that Dr. Laura converted to Judaism and recognizes the OT but not the NT as a holy document.

Carno · 04-13-2006, 08:02 PM

Haha, then that is funny

04-13-2006, 02:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	No offense intended But....this is freakin' Funny. A letter sent to Dr Laura...heh. " Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that (Leviticus 18:22) clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them. 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in (Exodus 21:7). In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. (Lev. 25:44) states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. (Exodus 35:2) clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. (Lev. 21:20) states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev.19:27). How should they die? 9. I know from (Lev.11:6- that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates (Lev. 19:19) by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted fan, Jim" __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

04-13-2006, 02:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	this email was circulated so much, that in The West Wing, season 2 I think, the entire diatribe was lifted by Aaron Sorkin when President Barlet went off on a Dr Laura like radio personality... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

04-13-2006, 02:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	anybody want to "hear" 'dear abby' again? __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

04-13-2006, 03:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	It's only funny to people who know jackshit about the Bible. That list really is retarded. __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

04-13-2006, 07:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	No, it's retarded because those laws were made irrelevant with the New Testament. Not that I give a shit or am offended at all. I just think it's stupid because of how ignorant it it is __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

04-13-2006, 03:35 PM	#5 (permalink)
Topper Tilted Location: Seattle	Not much to say here without offending someone... but... HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

04-13-2006, 07:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	Well, part of the joke is that Dr. Laura converted to Judaism and recognizes the OT but not the NT as a holy document. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

04-13-2006, 08:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	Haha, then that is funny __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/