Originally Posted by uncle phil

The I-95 Song
Fred "August" Campbell and the Spur of the Moment Band

Well I was driving down I-95 the other night,
when somebody nearly cut me right off the road.
I decided it wasn't going to do any good to get mad,
so I wrote a song about him instead. It goes like this...

Were you bo-rn an asshole, or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine, 'cause you're an ass-hole tonight.

Yes you're an ASS-HOLE, and don't you try to blame it on me,
you deserve all the credit, you're an asshole tonight.

You were an ass-hole yesterday, you're an ass-hole tonight,
and I've got a feeling, you'll be an asshole the rest of your life.

And I was talking to your mother, just the other night,
I told her I thought you were an asshole, she said "yes, I think you're right".

And all your friends are assholes, 'cause you've known them your whole life,
and somebody told me, you've got an asshole for a wife.

Were you born an asshole, or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine, 'cause you're an asshole tonight.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

the rodeo song
showdown

Well it's forty below
And I don't give a fuck
Got a heater in my truck
And I'm off to the rodeo
It's an allamande left
And allamande right
C'mon you fuckin' dummy
Get your right step right
Get offstage you goddamn goof
Y'know you piss me off
You fucking jerk
Get on my nerves

Well here comes Johnny
With his pecker in his hand
He's a one-ball man
And he's off to the rodeo
It's an allamande left
And allamande right
C'mon you fuckin' dummy
Get your right step right
Get offstage you goddamn goof
Y'know you piss me off
You fucking jerk
Get on my nerves

(INSTRUMENTAL)

Well it's forty below
And I ain't got a truck
And I don't give a fuck
'Cause I'm off to the rodeo
It's an allamande left
And allamande right
C'mon you fuckin' dummy
Get your right step right
Get offstage you goddamn goof
Y'know you piss me off
You fucking jerk
Get on my nerves

Well heer comes Johnny
With his pecker in his hand
He's a one-ball man
And he's off to the rodeo
It's an allamande left
And allamande right
C'mon you fuckin' dummy
Get your right step right
Get offstage you goddamn goof
Y'know you piss me off
You fucking jerk
Get on my nerves

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Night Rider
C. W. McCall


[A ghostly chorus]
Night rider

Well, a-truckin' on the night line, quarter past five
Tryin' to get my rig an' me to 'Frisco alive
Fog lights up tight, a-givin' me the creeps
Just a Winnemucca trucka with a load a' black sheep

[A ghostly chorus]
Night rider

I got a belly full a' jelly and head full a' pain
Bennies spinnin' spider webs, a-messin' my brain
Tryin' ta get myself together with a shot a' black C
What I really oughta get me is an hour a' Zs

[Chorus, but not ghostly]
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights, 'til you've gone blind

Well, Alabammy Mammy got a spell on my life
Kansas City Kitty cut my heart out tonight
I lost a C-note in Reno off a' Keno and craps
And now Smokey's on the overpass a-settin' his traps
White lines lasers burnin' holes in my eyes
Feel like I'm hypnotized, think I'm gonna die
Interstate 80, gonna get me no sleep
Just a-winkin' and a-blinkin' with a stinkin' load a' sheep

[Chorus]
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights, 'til you've gone blind

[A ghostly chorus]
Night rider

[Ghostly, but it's not the chorus]
Ba ba black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sah, yes sah, three bags full
One for my master, and one for my dame
And one for Jimmy Bowen who lives in L.A.


[Chorus]
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind (yeah)
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind

[Psychotic cackling here. He's losin' it.]

Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind

[Fade out]
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind
Night Rider, Night Rider, losin' your mind
Look at those lights 'til you think you've gone blind

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Voices in My Head
Denis Leary


I want you to get a gun
And head on down to Washington

I want you to climb up high
High in the sky
And shoot them all

Th-Th-They d-d-don't deserve to live
What did they ever give to you?
Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah

(Spoken)
You know what I want you to do? I want you to go upstairs to that
apartment where that guy keeps playing that Barry Manilow record
"Copacabana" over and over and over again. I want you to ring the
doorbell, and when he answers the door. I want you to stab him in
the neck with a number 2 pencil over and over and over again
because he must pay! Chop him up and put him in the freezer and
as you leave the apartment, light the place on fire!

Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my
Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my

You should dress up like a clown
Arf Arf Hoooowwwwll

(Spoken as a mother)
Hi, you never called me back. I got the pictures back from
Thanksgiving. I don't know why you wear that earring. If your
father was alive I don't know what he'd say. I was talking to
Mrs. Corelli yesterday. You know Bobby Corelli who was in your grade?
He got promoted again in his law firm. He's making $175,000 a
year now. Are you on drugs? Why don't you ever call me back?
When are you gonna get married son? Isn't it about time you
settled down and got yourself a wife and got yourself a house
and got a kid, and got a car, and got a dog, and got a lawnmower,
and got a nice picket fence . . .

Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my
Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my head
The Voices in my head

Why, why is it every time I gotta
Wait on fuckin' line

(Spoken)
Why is it every time I turn on my television set I gotta see
Sally Struthers and those starving kids? Why can't somebody just
send her a check and shut her and those God damn kids up?
Where's Rob Reiner when you need him?

Why, why don't they drop the bomb
Right on top of everyone
Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah

Voices in my head

These are the
Voices in my
Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my

Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my
Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my

Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my
Voices in my head
These are the
Voices in my

Stop, stop, stop with the singing!

Whew.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Magna Cum Nada
Bloodhound Gang


Why try? I’m that guy
Holden Caulfield from “Catcher In The Rye"
Put away ‘cause he wasn’t all there
Like a jigsaw puzzle you might compare
Me to him not a liver but wurst
Been much better off as a still birth
Big let down unparalleled
Like the last episode of “Seinfeld"
Or Jack Lemmon in “Glengarry Glen Ross"
Pepsi Challenge took it lost
Just fizzed out with my wires crossed
Buttons pushed but never went off
Like Martha I will self-destruct
The name’s Dunnstock it’s not Dumptruck
Just cursed as fuck with no such luck
My future plans include not much


Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me (3x)


Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be
Most likely to suck


Wanna be a Ghostbuster
First black President, owner of “Hustler"
Got shot down like Larry Flynt
Felt like shit like a bowel movement
Have you seen my will to live?
Because I seem to have lost it
Lovelife? No but Mom thinks I’m handsome
Couldn’t get off if I held a pimp for ransom
Feel like Jimmy Stewart no one sees my Harvey
Toxic Shock Syndrome gets more girls than me
Like Pee Wee Herman spermin' I can
See the future in the palm of my hand
Psychic Friends, Network loser
Large phone bill in my very near future
Dealt nothing and bluffing hard
Playing poker with a joker and some Uno cards


Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me (3x)


Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be
Most likely to suck


Most likely to suck (5x)

Originally Posted by uncle phil

TUBTHUMPING
Chumbawamba


We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down

Pissing the night away

He drinks a whiskey drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times:

"Oh Danny Boy, Danny boy..."

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down

Pissing the night away

He drinks a whiskey drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times:

"Don't cry for me next door neighbor..."

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down

We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Hard to be Humble
Mac Davis


Back of few months ago I was headlining
at a great big night club
and they put me up at what they call the Star Suite:
Now here I am headlining
at one of the biggest night clubs
in the country and I wake up
at eight o'clock in the morning
in this Star suite all by myself.

Aah that's what I said "Aah".
But I did what I've always done to cheer myself up

I picked up my guitar

I sat down and wrote me a little song.
Now this is how it feels to be alone
at the top of the hill and trying to figure out why

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day
to know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.
O Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I used to have a girlfriend
but I guess she just could'n't complete
with all of these lovestarved women
who keep clamouring at my feet.
Well I probably find me another
but I guess they're all in awe of me

who cares I never get lonesome
cause I treasure my own company.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day
to know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.
O Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I guess you can say I'm a loner

a cowboy outlaw tough and proud
Well
I could have lots of friends if I wanted
but then I wouldn't stand out from the drowd

some folks say that I'm "egotistical
well I don't even know what that means
I guess it has something to do with the
way that I fill out my skintight blue jeans.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day
to know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.
O Lord it's hard to be humble
we are doing the best that we can.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

ALIMONEY
Bobby Bare

Alimoney, alimoney
I work till my fingers are bloody and boney
Me, oh my, oh, goodness sake,
I'm payin' for my mistake

She calls it alimoney, alimoney
Yeah, you single men may think it's funny
Till one of these days, you're gonna wait
And find you're payin' for your mistake

I walk around ragged like a low down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
It's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it

Alimoney, alimoney
I thought I bought steak, and it was all baloney
My heart and back are both about to break
From payin' for my mistake, yeah

Yeah, I walk around ragged like a low down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
Why, it's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it

Alimoney, alimoney
Thought I bought steak, and it was just baloney
And every penny that I make
Goes to payin' for my mistake
Oh yeah, payin' for my mistake
Every Wednesday
Yeah, aw come on, baby, y'know it's your mistake too, yeah
They took all the furniture and everything, come on
Why, maybe we could sorta pitch in and work it out, y'know
I mean I could get a third job, if that's what you want, I mean
What about sellin' my blood, y'know ...

Originally Posted by uncle phil

LOOKIN' FOR PUSSY
Dr. Hook

[You gotta start each day some.]
[Lookin for pussy
Lookin for pussy
Lookin for pussy
Lookin for pussy]
I just gotta see her and tell her I need her.
Hurtin without her
Dreamin about her
Wonderin' what she's gonna do
And who she's doin it to.

[Lookin' for pussy
Lookin' for pussy
Lookin' for pussy
We're looking for pussy]

Tell her my story
Say that I'm sorry
Just gotta find her
Say I'm behind her
In anything... right or wrong
She'll just take me along.


[Looking for pussy]
Take me along...
[Lookin' for pussy]
C'mon take me along...
[Lookin' for pussy]
C'mon take me along...
[Lookin' for pussy]
I gotta get my pussy!
[Lookin' for pussy]

I gotta go upstairs and get me shooooes... [fade]

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Fatty McGee
Adam Sandler

[Talking quietly]
[M1:] 'Ms. Murphy is such a pain, man.'
[M2:] 'We just had a test a week ago.
Now we gotta take another one tommorrow. This sucks!'
[M1:] 'And it counts for 80 percent of our grade.'
[M2:] 'Well we better study our butts off.'
[M1:] 'Well we came to the right place, the ever so quiet library.'
[M2:] 'Ok, enough talking, let's study!'
[M1:] 'All right.'
[Turning pages]

[Heavy steps]
[M2:] 'Uh oh'
[M1:] 'Oh no! Fatty McGee is coming.
We'll never get any studying done with him in the library.'
[Heavy steps continue]
[M2:] 'Oh god, he's taking the stairs!
That means he's going to be way out of breath!'

[Fatty whining, try to catch breath]
[M1:] 'Oh no, he's going to sit with us.'
[Fatty: Annoying whining voice] 'Hey fellas, studying for the big test'
[M1:] 'Uh, yes Fatty, we were.'
[Fatty: Still trying to catch breath] 'Great! I'll join ya.'
[Fatty pulls out chair and falls into it, still whining horribly]
[M2:] 'Hey Fatty, why don't you go to the bathroom 'till you catch your breath'
[Fatty:] 'No, no, I'm catching it!'
[Fatty continuing to whine and snort]
[M1:] 'Ok, ok Fatty, but try to keep the wheezing level down, we're trying to concentrate.'
[Fatty: Continuing to wheeze and whine louder] 'Sure, no problem.'
[M1:] 'Oh man.'
[Fatty: Still snorting and whining loudly]
'This test counts for eighty percent of our grade, you know.'
[Whining continues even louder]
[M1:] 'Yes Fatty, we know, we just said that.'
[Wheezing continues a little softer]
[M2:] 'Fatty! Please keep it down!'

[Fatty makes snoring/whining sounds]

[M2:] 'Is he sleeping!'
[M1:] 'No, it's his deviated sceptum.
Seriously Fatty, keep the breathing down.'
[Snoring stops, more weird noise starts]
[M2:] 'Ahh geez Fatty, what's wrong with you!'
[Fatty: Pausing, snorting] 'I'm trying.'
[Whining continues]
[M1:] 'Fatty, you know what's going to happen!
Stop breathing so heavy! Please we gotta study!'
[Whining gets higher and higher until it's continuous]
[M2:] 'Oh no, that one's going to do it!'

[Fire alarm sounding, fire trucks honking their horns, sirens reeling]
[M2:] 'Fatty, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again!'
[Fatty: Continuing his LOUD annoying whine] 'I'm sorry!'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Fire! Man the building!'
[M1:] 'Sorry Fireman Ray, it's not the fire alarm.'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Fatty McGee, is that you again!'
[Fatty: Stillin whining annoyingly] 'Yes.' [Snort] 'Sorry.' [Snort]
[Fireman Ray:] 'Didn't we tell you not to take the stairs anymore!'
[Fatty: Whiney voice] 'But I like the stairs!'
[Fireman Ray: annoyed] 'Why!'
[Fatty: Still whining horribly] 'They're fun!'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Oh Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!'
[Everyone laughing at stupid joke]
[Raspberry]

Originally Posted by uncle phil

PENICILLIN PENNY
Dr. Hook

Penicillin Penny,
She's the queen of the Sunset Strip.
If she ever gives you any
Then you better see your doctor real quick.
From the backseat of Cadillac cars
To the floor of mens room bars,
She's Penicillin Penny
And her future's written in the stars.

She's Penicillin Penny
And ever since the day she came,
They say she's had so many
She gives them all numbers, not names.
I always called her hon',
But she calls me one-thousand-and-one,
And Penicillin Penny
Starts to boogie when the day is done.

She's Penicillin Penny,
If you ever see her passing through
Better run into your house
Or she stops and lays a little on you.
If you ever let her in your door
It takes 20,000,000 units or more to cure
The love that Penicillin Penny lays on you...

Originally Posted by uncle phil

DRUNK AND CRAZY
Bobby Bare

Hello, everybody. I have come to say
I didn't come to stay. I just come to play.
So lock all the doors and open up the wine.
Tell all the pretty ladies to get in line.

'Cause I'm drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.
Way across the room I see a fancy fox.
I got the key to open up her lock.
I slide across the floor like a greasy eel.
I say, "Baby, tell me how do you feel?"

She says, "Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll."

I was just about to put the cake in the oven.
Look over my shoulder... there's her big ol' husband.
He was turnin' blue. He was seein' red.
He knocked me down, slapped me 'round
And stomped on my head.

'Cause he was drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.

They got me to the hospital in the nick of time.
I had a fractured skull and a busted spine.
When in come the doctor... he could hardly stand.
He had a bottle in his pocket and a scalpel in his hand.
And he was drunk and crazy, no no doctor...

Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

I'VE NEVER SEEN A STRAIGHT BANANA
Waite


You may have seen some funny things in your time
But there's one thing you've not seen, I'd like to bet.
Would you like to know just what you have been missing?
I'll tell you in the chorus but not yet.
Now I've got you puzzled, so I'll tell you what I mean.
The thing that's in my mind, I must confess, I haven't seen.

I have never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana.
I guess I must admit
That I have searched quite a bit.
They're even curved when they are served in my banana split.
I have seen them by the car-load on the Delaware & Lacawana
But have you ever?
No, I've never
I've never seen a straight banana.

I recall when I was in Alaska
I saw the sun at twelve-o'clock at night.
I've seen the waterfalls at old Niagara
I can vouch it is a most impressive sight.
But I'd like to see one certain thing
But if it's not to be,
I'd like to meet somebody else
Who saw what I can't see.

I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana.
Although the things I hate,
Hundreds I have ate.
But I've never yet seen one banana that was straight.
I have traveled far to find one.
I've been to Chili and Havana.
But I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana.

I've never, never, never, I have never seen a straight banana.
Once I chanced to see
A real life murder mystery
The jury found the prisoner guilty in the first degree.
All at once we heard the prisoner
Holler out, "This is the truth, your honor,
I've never, never never, never
Never, never, never, never
I've never seen a straight banana.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Fuckin' Up
Neil Young


Mindless drifter on the road
Carry such an easy load
It's how you look,
and how you feel
You must have
a heart of steel.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

I can see you on a hill
Comatose but walking still
Curves beneath
your flowing gown
Only I could
bring you down.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

Dogs that lick
and dogs that bite
Hounds that howl
through the night
Broken leashes
are all over the floor
Keys left hanging
in a swinging door.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

Keep fuckin' up!

Originally Posted by uncle phil

SHE KEEPS IT UP ALL THE TIME


I've got a wife, poor me
Me and her can't agree
She's crazy 'bout children, you see
And that's the reason I'm gonna let my good Mama be.
I told her long ago
I wouldn't stand for that no mo'
But when I look in to her eyes
I know right then and there she's telling me some bad lies.
Cause, when she had the first child, I knowed that she was true
Then she got twins, that made me kind of blue
The gal located triplets I said, "Mama, that will do"
But she keeps it up, keeps it up, dog gone it.
She's got seventeen and still wants mo'
Round our house looks just like Ringling Brothers show
I plead on my soul, she's loosin her pop-eyed min'
Cause she keeps it up, keeps it up all the time!

She got so many kids she gave me the blues
If they don't cry for biscuits
They cries for shoes.
I plead on my soul, she's loosin her pop-eyed min'
Cause she keeps it up, keeps it up, all the time.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

The Teddy Bear's Picnic
Gilhooley Mahoney and his Leprechaun Marching Band

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Chorus:
Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go out in the woods today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

TO CHORUS

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

TO CHORUS

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Weird Al Yankovic

Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster.
He doesn’t bite and he doesn’t squeal, he just runs around on his hamster wheel.
Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster. Hey, Harvey!

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam
The Vaselines

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam,
Cause sunbeams are not made like me,
And don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die,
Don't ever ask your love of me.

Don't expect me to lie,
Don't expect me to cry,
Don't expect me to die for thee.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

The Monkees Theme
The Monkees

Here we come walking down the street.
We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.

We go where we want to, do what we like to do.
We don't have time to get restless. There's always something new.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play.
We're the young generation and we've got something to say.

Anytime or anywhere, just look over your shoulder, guess who'll be standing there.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play.
We're the young generation and we've got something to say.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees, hey, hey, we're the Monkees, hey, hey, we're the Monkees.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Cab Driver
The Mills Brothers

Cab driver drive me by memorys place
I just wanna chance to see her face
I hope we`ll meet her any place
cab driver drive me by memorys place

Cab driver once more 'round the block
never mind the ticket or the clock
I only wish we could have any talk
cab driver once more 'round the block

Cab driver once more down the spring
Persolyston place we used to be
that`s where I laid my future for her feet
cab driver once more down the spring

Cab driver wait here by the door
I just want to hold her in my arms once more
and then maybe it`s just like it was before
cab driver wait here by the door

Cab driver you'd better take me home
I guess I was meant to be alone
I hope God sends me a lover of my own
cab driver you'd better take me home

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Silly Love
10cc

Hey toots, you put the life into living
You brought a sigh into sight
Ah hon, you make my legs turn to water
You bring the stars out at night
But they ain't half so bright
As your eyes

Gee whiz, you take the beauty out of beautiful
You play the strings of my heart
Oh babe, you take the wonder out of wonderful
Oh my, oh my, and my, if you were mine
The rain would turn to sweet sweet wine

Well he's been up all night
Breakin' his head in two to write
A little sonnet for his chickadee
But between you and me
I think its sssssssssssilly. Silly

Ooh treas, you got a smile like a Rembrandt
Aha, you got the style of a queen
Oh dear, you are the petal of a rosebud
Next to you all the others could be weeds
You're the only one my garden needs

Ooh, you know the art of conversation
Must be dying
Ooh, when a romance depends on
Cliches and toupees and threepes

We're up to here with moonin' and junin'
If you want to sound sincere -
Don't rely on Crosby's croonin' -
Take a little time
Make up your own rhyme
Don't rely on mine
'Cos it's sssssssssilly - silly - silly - silly

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Wooly Bully
Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs


Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro
Matty told Hatty about a thing she saw.
Had two big horns and a wooly jaw.
Wooly bully, wooly bully.
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.

Hatty told Matty, "Let's don't take no chance.
Let's not be L-seven, come and learn to dance."
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.

Matty told Hatty, "That's the thing to do.
Get you someone really to pull the wool with you."
Wooly bully, wooly bully.
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.

Originally Posted by uncle phil

Walk Like A Camel
Southern Culture On The Skids


Baby, Would you eat that there snack cracker
In your special outfit for me, please?
owwwWEEEEE!!!!!

Yo ye pharoahs, let us walk
Through this barren desert, in search of truth
And some pointy boots, and maybe a few snack crackers.
OWWWW WEEE baby, you make me wanna walk like a camel.
OWWWW WEEE, walk!

Who's in charge here, where's my Captain's wafers?
Don't go around hungry now, the way you eat that oatmeal pie,
Makes me just wanna die, baby, OWWWW
You make me wanna walk like a camel.
OWWWW WEEE, walk!

Say, you don't think there's any way I could get that quarter
From underneath your pointy boot, do ya?
All I want is just one more oatmeal pie.
OWWWW WEEE, Little Debbie, Little Debbie
I'm a comin on home, baby, 'cause you make me wanna walk
Like a camel, OWWWW WEEE

Originally Posted by uncle phil

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
Kenny Chesney


Plowin' these fields in the hot summer sun
Over by the gate lordy here she comes
With a basket full of chicken and a big cold jug of sweet tea
I make a little room and she climbs on up
Open up the throttle and stir a little dust
Just look at her face she ain't a foolin' me

She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy

We ride back and forth 'til we run out of light
Take it to the barn put it up for the night
Climb up in the loft sit and talk with the radio on
She said she's got a dream and I asked what it is
She wants a little farm and a yard full of kids
And one more teeny weeny ride before I take her home

She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy

Well she ain't into cars or pickup trucks
But if it runs like a Deere man her eyes light up

She thinks my tractor's
She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me

She thinks my tractor's sexy
She thinks my tractor's sexy
She thinks my tractor's sexy