RIP Rodney Dangerfield - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

choskins · 10-05-2004, 04:34 PM

He'll finally get the respect he deserves!

Jeff · 10-05-2004, 04:55 PM

I just read about this, I'm saddened by the news. He had some good stuff. My favorite off the top of my head:

"A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home."

the_marq · 10-05-2004, 05:16 PM

Thanks for the laughs Mr. Dangerfield. I enjoyed your jokes since before I was old enough to get most of them.

Link to Yahoo article: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...dangerfield_dc

radioguy · 10-05-2004, 05:21 PM

that sucks. i thought he was extremely funny. my favorites were "back to school" and "caddyshack"

rip mr. dangerfield

paddyjoe · 10-05-2004, 06:10 PM

It really does take a good comedian to make you laugh till you cry. Man, Rodney Dangerfield did it for me. These are just some of his one-liners I copied from the Yahoo site that was posted earlier.

R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield.

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. Well, I told him I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard!

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!

Fremen · 10-05-2004, 09:29 PM

A man worthy of anyone's respect.

R.I.P., Rodney.

Thanks for the jokes, Rodney and pj.

carrot glace · 10-05-2004, 10:27 PM

R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield, may you never lose your funny in the afterlife.

BonesCPA · 10-06-2004, 04:26 AM

So long, funny man.

Bill O'Rights · 10-06-2004, 05:11 AM

Rest in peace, Rodney. You always had my respect.

absorbentishe · 10-06-2004, 06:07 AM

Alwasy loved his jokes. He was definately one of a kind, and will be missed.

Toledo, Toledo's a great place, been weighed there many times.

Dane Bramage · 10-06-2004, 07:41 AM

Genius. One of the best ever.

RIP, Rodney.

ARTelevision · 10-06-2004, 07:59 AM

A great man - but, more importantly, a real funny guy!

One of the very best ever.

moonstrucksoul · 10-06-2004, 08:37 AM

It's hard to believe, (part of me thought he was dead already)

rest in peace.

God of Thunder · 10-06-2004, 08:55 AM

One of the greatest.

Thanks for the quotes paddyjoe, they made my day better.

/off to do a triple Lindy

tommyboy · 10-06-2004, 10:15 AM

One of my all time favorite comedians....RIP

tspikes51 · 10-06-2004, 11:13 AM

I loved Rodney. May he rest in peace.

omega2K4 · 10-06-2004, 12:41 PM

Brilliant comedian, RIP.

catsmuffin · 10-10-2004, 03:28 PM

He was one of the funniest! Back To School and Caddyshack were so dam funny! Atleast he's not in pain anymore

jobu · 10-10-2004, 04:03 PM

No Respect!

Tralls · 10-13-2004, 02:13 PM

"When I was your age we carried blocks of ice up four flights of stairs"

"so what"

"so what, so lets dance!"

10-05-2004, 04:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
choskins Psycho Location: Greenville, SC	RIP Rodney Dangerfield He'll finally get the respect he deserves! __________________ "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Sigmund Freud

10-05-2004, 04:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jeff And we'll all float on ok... Location: Iowa City	I just read about this, I'm saddened by the news. He had some good stuff. My favorite off the top of my head: "A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home." __________________ For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. --Charles Bukowski

10-05-2004, 05:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
the_marq All hail the Mountain King Location: Black Mesa	Thanks for the laughs Mr. Dangerfield. I enjoyed your jokes since before I was old enough to get most of them. Link to Yahoo article: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...dangerfield_dc __________________ The Truth: Johnny Cash could have kicked Bruce Lee's ass if he wanted to. #3 in a series

10-05-2004, 09:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
Fremen With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much Location: left side of my couch, East Texas	A man worthy of anyone's respect. R.I.P., Rodney. Thanks for the jokes, Rodney and pj. __________________ Google

10-05-2004, 10:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
carrot glace Crazy Location: orange county	R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield, may you never lose your funny in the afterlife. __________________ "blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

10-05-2004, 05:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
radioguy Registered User Location: Texas	that sucks. i thought he was extremely funny. my favorites were "back to school" and "caddyshack" rip mr. dangerfield

10-05-2004, 06:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
paddyjoe through charlatans phone Location: Northcoast	It really does take a good comedian to make you laugh till you cry. Man, Rodney Dangerfield did it for me. These are just some of his one-liners I copied from the Yahoo site that was posted earlier. R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield Jokes I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. Well, I told him I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back! When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again." Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room. With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave. What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm! Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch. I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless! One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through." I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west! My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens. My mother had morning sickness after I was born. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair. Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..." When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me. I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette. One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife! This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me. I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me. My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate." Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home! A hooker once told me she had a headache. I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all. I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now." I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks. I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her. I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it. I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard! I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife. During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early." I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect." I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie. My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!" I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot! When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!

10-06-2004, 04:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
BonesCPA No. It's not done yet. Location: sorta kinda phila	So long, funny man. __________________ Back into hibernation.

10-06-2004, 05:11 AM	#9 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	Rest in peace, Rodney. You always had my respect. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

10-06-2004, 06:07 AM	#10 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Alwasy loved his jokes. He was definately one of a kind, and will be missed. Toledo, Toledo's a great place, been weighed there many times.

10-06-2004, 07:41 AM	#11 (permalink)
Dane Bramage Insane Location: Charlotte, NC	Genius. One of the best ever. RIP, Rodney. __________________ Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress. Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

10-06-2004, 07:59 AM	#12 (permalink)
ARTelevision I change Location: USA	A great man - but, more importantly, a real funny guy! One of the very best ever. __________________ create evolution

10-06-2004, 08:37 AM	#13 (permalink)
moonstrucksoul hovering in the distance Location: the land of milk and honey	It's hard to believe, (part of me thought he was dead already) rest in peace. __________________ no signature required

10-06-2004, 08:55 AM	#14 (permalink)
God of Thunder Talk nerdy to me Location: Flint, MI	One of the greatest. Thanks for the quotes paddyjoe, they made my day better. /off to do a triple Lindy __________________ I reject your reality, and substitute my own -- Adam Savage

10-06-2004, 10:15 AM	#15 (permalink)
tommyboy Psycho Location: NH	One of my all time favorite comedians....RIP

10-06-2004, 12:41 PM	#17 (permalink)
omega2K4 Natalie Portman is sexy. Location: The Outer Rim	Brilliant comedian, RIP. __________________ "While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

10-10-2004, 04:03 PM	#19 (permalink)
jobu Crazy	No Respect!

10-06-2004, 11:13 AM	#16 (permalink)
tspikes51 Fuckin' A Location: Lex Vegas	I loved Rodney. May he rest in peace. __________________ "I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million." -Maddox

10-10-2004, 03:28 PM	#18 (permalink)
catsmuffin Upright Location: Masachusetts	He was one of the funniest! Back To School and Caddyshack were so dam funny! Atleast he's not in pain anymore __________________ Peace!

10-13-2004, 02:13 PM	#20 (permalink)
Tralls Crazy	"When I was your age we carried blocks of ice up four flights of stairs" "so what" "so what, so lets dance!"