8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

MikeyChalupa · 05-06-2003, 04:29 PM

I don't watch this show a whole lot, and I often ask people exactly what the 8 simple rules are. I just found out that the show is loosely based on a book by W. Bruce Cameron where he lays them out. In case any of you were wondering...

Quote:

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

-Mikey

Spinach_Indeed · 05-06-2003, 04:47 PM

The Rules themselves get a chuckle, but I loathe the show.

Loathe it with a PASSION

quest1mark · 05-06-2003, 07:39 PM

the chick that plays ritters oldest daughter is a fox though...how old is she? late teens-early twenties? either way....beautiful.

Mr.Deflok · 05-06-2003, 07:58 PM

The oldest daughter makes my pants wet.

zwik · 05-06-2003, 08:30 PM

Kaley Cuoco is 18.

The funny thing is that the younger daughter (Amy Davidson) is 23

Mr.Deflok · 05-06-2003, 08:44 PM

LEGAL!

Cynthetiq · 05-07-2003, 05:51 AM

now that was pretty funny.. thanks! I don't watch the show often once in a while because of John Ritter. He's the voice of Clifford the Big Red Dog, which my wife works on and speaks to him every so often, so occassionally she wants to see what he's doing on air.

neoinoakleys · 05-07-2003, 12:30 PM

HAHAHA....I am going to have adopt those rules for my daughter...I guess I should get a daughter first though, huh....hilarious post thanks...:-)

YELLOW450 · 05-07-2003, 12:37 PM

Last rule " I have a shotgun, a shovel, and twenty acres....you won't be missed"

fearofmear · 05-07-2003, 03:41 PM

I saw the show a couple of times. The oldest one is hot but underage (16). The middle one is really 23?

Ambition · 05-07-2003, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by YELLOW450
Last rule " I have a shotgun, a shovel, and twenty acres....you won't be missed"

The rendition of that saying that I have heard is "I have a shotgun, and a shovel. And nobody looks for losers"

Great 8 rules though.

TheIceMan · 05-08-2003, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by YELLOW450
Last rule " I have a shotgun, a shovel, and twenty acres....you won't be missed"

Hehehe. I like that!

Daval · 05-08-2003, 07:40 AM

i love this. hillarious!

I copied it to the humour forum as well.

TheIceMan · 05-08-2003, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by zwik
Kaley Cuoco is 18.

The funny thing is that the younger daughter (Amy Davidson) is 23

Kaley is HOT! I can't believe the younger daughter is 23! Kinda like on 7th Heaven how the younger one is older (in real life) than the older one.

sierra2774 · 05-12-2003, 02:41 PM

I need those rules for my Daughter too!

I don't watch the show, I think I have caught it once, so I am not sure what I think about it.

fhqwhgads · 05-13-2003, 02:12 AM

According to IMDB:

Kaley Cuoco (plays Bridget, the older daughter) was born 30 November 1985, making her 17.

Amy Davidson (plays Kerry) was born 15 September 1979, making her 23.

Podmore · 05-23-2003, 08:02 PM

I think it was a little article, not a book, that it was based on (what MikeyChalupa posted was pretty much the whole thing). Well written and funny. The show is an abomination though. My wife was watching it regularly for a while. I'd only watch it when I wanted to sit with her. I don't remember a single chuckle, hardly even a smile, being generated from it. I finally asked her why she watched it, and she confessed she wasn't sure. She thought it sounded like a good premise and liked Ritter. When realization stuck that it was completely sucky, she stopped watching it.

WhoaitsZ · 05-24-2003, 10:39 AM

john... ritter....... must.............. die........

buffto · 05-24-2003, 06:09 PM

hate the show, but the blonde is HOT.

gov135 · 05-24-2003, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by WhoaitsZ
john... ritter....... must.............. die........

I agree. But he's not there cause of what people in their twenties or thirties think. He's there for people who came of age when he did... they love him.

cdwonderful · 05-24-2003, 07:04 PM

it s a funny show. John Ritter cracks me up

05-06-2003, 04:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
Spinach_Indeed Banned? Location: Artic Tundra	The Rules themselves get a chuckle, but I loathe the show. Loathe it with a PASSION __________________ Spinach in Need is Spinach Indeed

05-06-2003, 07:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
quest1mark Insane	the chick that plays ritters oldest daughter is a fox though...how old is she? late teens-early twenties? either way....beautiful. __________________ Best told at a place called...the TFP. on a quest...

05-07-2003, 05:51 AM	#7 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	now that was pretty funny.. thanks! I don't watch the show often once in a while because of John Ritter. He's the voice of Clifford the Big Red Dog, which my wife works on and speaks to him every so often, so occassionally she wants to see what he's doing on air. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

05-07-2003, 12:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
neoinoakleys Psycho Location: Michigan	HAHAHA....I am going to have adopt those rules for my daughter...I guess I should get a daughter first though, huh....hilarious post thanks...:-) __________________ It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

05-08-2003, 07:40 AM	#13 (permalink)
Daval Junkie Location: The True North Strong and Free!	i love this. hillarious! I copied it to the humour forum as well. __________________ "It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it." Winston Churchill Last edited by Daval; 05-08-2003 at 07:43 AM..

05-06-2003, 07:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mr.Deflok Blood + Fire Location: New Zealand	The oldest daughter makes my pants wet.

05-06-2003, 08:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
zwik Upright	Kaley Cuoco is 18. The funny thing is that the younger daughter (Amy Davidson) is 23

05-06-2003, 08:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mr.Deflok Blood + Fire Location: New Zealand	LEGAL!

05-07-2003, 12:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
YELLOW450 Tilted	Last rule " I have a shotgun, a shovel, and twenty acres....you won't be missed"

05-07-2003, 03:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
fearofmear Insane Location: Florida	I saw the show a couple of times. The oldest one is hot but underage (16). The middle one is really 23?

05-12-2003, 02:41 PM	#15 (permalink)
sierra2774 Addict Location: Northeast Ohio	I need those rules for my Daughter too! I don't watch the show, I think I have caught it once, so I am not sure what I think about it. __________________ "Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

05-13-2003, 02:12 AM	#16 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	According to IMDB: Kaley Cuoco (plays Bridget, the older daughter) was born 30 November 1985, making her 17. Amy Davidson (plays Kerry) was born 15 September 1979, making her 23.

05-23-2003, 08:02 PM	#17 (permalink)
Podmore Crazy Location: SoCal	I think it was a little article, not a book, that it was based on (what MikeyChalupa posted was pretty much the whole thing). Well written and funny. The show is an abomination though. My wife was watching it regularly for a while. I'd only watch it when I wanted to sit with her. I don't remember a single chuckle, hardly even a smile, being generated from it. I finally asked her why she watched it, and she confessed she wasn't sure. She thought it sounded like a good premise and liked Ritter. When realization stuck that it was completely sucky, she stopped watching it.

05-24-2003, 10:39 AM	#18 (permalink)
WhoaitsZ Crazy Location: right behind you...	john... ritter....... must.............. die........

05-24-2003, 06:09 PM	#19 (permalink)
buffto Crazy Location: Missouri	hate the show, but the blonde is HOT.

05-24-2003, 07:04 PM	#21 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	it s a funny show. John Ritter cracks me up __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....