SVT01Cobra

This is an alternative to the 'Movies That Made You Hurt' topic.

List the movies that were SO horrible that you felt actual physical pain to watch.

I'll start with - Dumb and Dumberer

AgentInsect

I've been an atheist for most of my adult life, but the movie that nearly changed my mind was Battlefield Earth. I thought, albeit briefly, that perhaps God existed after all--because it was clear that the devil had taken hold of the people behind that...'film'.

WarWagon

Windego.

mattevil

dreamcatcher
big trouble
the cars that ate paris

shakran

Manos: The Hands of Fate

Made the terrible mistake of seeing the NON-MST3K version of this first. I felt like clawing my eyes out after only 10 minutes.

Mr.Deflok

Brotherhood of the Wolf... don't get me started... oh for the love of god don't...

SVT01Cobra

Ahahaha, sounds like you REALLY hate that movie, Deflok.


I'm gonna throw this one in and say The Passion of The Christ.
It was a little bit TOO snuff for me.
Half of the violence in it wasnt needed, and without it, well... the movie would have lasted about 10 minutes.

Mr. Spacemonkey

Mulholland Drive

It's not that it was bad ... It's just that the incredible mixture of crappiness and stupidity made it so aweful that no word in the english language could describe it so much to the point that all I can really say about it is: what the crap.

I swear to God, there were so many points during the movie where I just wanted to turn off the movie and stop watching. If I were watching it alone I probably would have stopped it right after the part when the two guys were talking at Winky's about that stupid monster thing. God damn, that was so fucking stupid.

But the lesbian scenes were hot as hell.

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"I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to." -- Donnie Darko

CSflim

Cradle 2 the Grave.

I hate this film. I truely despise it. I'm sure there are plenty of films out there that are far worse, but this has one thing about it, that makes it unique....I WATCHED IT!

God damn! This was pure unadulterated tripe.

I don't even know why I got it. I was in the store, looking in the new releases; "seen....seen.....seen....seen", then I saw this film, and vaguely recalled hearing it was a great action film.

It was painful.

As for Mulholland Drive, well I guess it's not to everyone's taste, but it needs to be watched more than once to appreciate it. I love it, I think it is an incredible film.

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elfstar

Blazing Saddles
The Blair Witch Project
A Knight's Tale
The Fast and the Furious
Riding in Cars with Boys
Vanilla Sky

FaderMonkey

The Big Bounce

...there are many others, but that's the most recent one. I can't really put into words how bad it was.

bundy

underworld is the only film i've seen recently that fits this description.

utter crap.

especially the end.

not even the Kate in tight leather excuse is good enough to forgive this drivel.

and i notice that she and Hugh Jackman are going to continue the trend with Von Helshit... oh dear... whatever happened to the darling Flora Post?

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Ohayo!!!

RogueHunter65

SpiceWorld

Dougs first movie aka Dougs last movie

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I suffer from amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I have forgotten this before

bltzkriegmcanon

Batman And Robin

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- Ocelot, Metal Gear Solid 3

The password is "Who are the Patriots?" and "La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo." "La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo." Gotcha.
- The Colonel and Snake, Metal Gear Solid 3

FleaCircus

Magnolia, for this very same reason:

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SVT01Cobra

*cough* bump

thephuse

End of Days... omfg i left in the middle.. and i NEVER leave in the middle.. (cuz i'm very cheap w/ my money.. but this was baaaad ( and also cuz i rarely pay for a bad movie.. )

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b000yahed up your w000pah!!

Joygasm~!!

Moobie

Alien Resurrection.....

Watching this movie is the closest to hell I've ever been.

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Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.

We like money. Give us your money you stupid consumer whore.

glytch

How about Party Monster? THAT was a shitty, shitty movie. My friend was raving about how it was supposed to be a great movie, so we rent it, and holy crap was it bad. That movie was so bad that, if it were a smell, it could gag a maggot.

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If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. - Mitch Hedberg

phredgreen

heh. an (at the time) coworker told me that i absolutely, positively had to see In the Bedroom.


i watched the whole thing, all two hours, wiating for it to be good. i wanted it to be good. desparately wanted to enjoy it, to see whetever it was my coworker saw in it, but in the end, i was left an empty shell, my life having been wasted. two hours that i will never get back. the pain, suffering, and emotional hardship i endured from this movie will never fully heal. i will always hate this movie, and my coworker because of this movie.

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- Thomas Paine

Speed_Gibson

???????
That would be at least on my top twenty list of favourite films, but to each their own.

Stars Wars Epispode One - the theatre version with waaaay too much Jar Jar and nothing beside Natalie and some watchable sword fights would qualify for me.

Titanic had the superb set and affects that almost overcome the drek plot and insipid love story that did nothing but make me really happy when that Jack kid FINALLY drowned. edit: as I recall, I definitely was not the only male in the theatre that cheered when he let go of the raft and slipped underwater.

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Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

Redjake

Finally, one who is in agreement with me. I could not stop hysterically laughing through this movie. It SUCKS. The sound effects are used over and over again about the last half of the movie, the graphics suck, and the acting is terrible. Not to mention it's boring. But just the scene with the guy shooting the pumpkins (or whatever it was, can't remember) in the garden.....had my laughing the hardest I have ever laughed in my entire life. It sounded like someone was taking a shit. I hate that movie with a passion. Too long, too boring, too shitty.

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Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

hu-man

"I vont yoo to... go to hell!"

hu-man

Vampire Knights.
I own it on video, and it's soooooooo bad!
In fact, it's so bad that it's a little good.
The clouds move behind the moon in one scene.
It's filmed in one house, but from different angles so you get to think that it's bigger than it really is.
The main character plays the trumpet, but the sounds coming out are from a cheap keyboard.
Argh!

Also, Neon Maniacs is great. The plot is as such:
Teenagers go out in woods in van to have sex and smoke pot.
Mutants kill teenagers.
Kids find out that water kills mutants.
Kids kill mutants with water.
Movie ends.

docbungle

Mystic River.

Apparently it was a riveting, emotional powerhouse of a film...but I found it pretentious and boring. It dragged on and on and on and yet still felt as though the actors had been rushed to cram in a performance. It felt like a paint by numbers book, full of fake emotion.

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Bad Luck City

hilbert25

The Hulk was the most painful exercise in Final Cut Pro transitions that I have ever seen.

The House of the Dead is what happens when you take a steaming pile of crap and put it onto two reels and show it through a projector.

paj

wet hot american summer

i actually threw an ashtray at the tv during the final scene, so i (fortunately) never got to see the ending of this travesty of film.

and people wonder what happened to janeane garofalo's career...








well, not really, but you get my point.

PredeconInferno

I really hated American Beauty.... I just did... I don't want to explain

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Samurai in Training
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philosopherking

Cabin Boy, the only worthwhile scene is David Letterman's "Would you like to buy a monkey" line. God he's a horrible actor. House of 1000 corpses was pretty bad too.

Speed_Gibson

<Mystic River>
<The Hulk>
<American Beauty>
<Cabin Boy>
All film I have "missed" and have had no desire to watch so far (aside from considering renting Cabin Boy on a few occasions)

definitely not now or ever a "Star Wars fanboy" (probably waiting until the third prequel is on DVD after watching the last two disasters within a month of their release) but what I saw of the re-issue of the original Star Wars film would qualify as "Movies that make you cry with pain", but that might just have been the sight of a classic from my younger years being FUBARed when it was better before.

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Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

Speed_Gibson

not sure if it falls under my list of "utter crap", but it did put me to sleep twice - starting to watch fully awake both times- before I finally sat through most of it. I did not want to return the DVD without getting my "money's worth" out of it, and was willing to give it a chance to prove it was worth the rental - it failed both counts in my opinion.

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Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

JimmyTheHutt

Underworld
Anything with Rob Schneider or Adam Sandler (excepting Punch Drunk Love)
School of Rock
Daredevil
The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren version)
Highlander 2
Highlander 3
Highlander: Endgame
Bloodsport
Bloodsport 2
Bloodsport 3
Bloodsport 4
Any Jean Claude Van Damme vehicle
Any Steven Segal Vehicle
Romeo Must Die
Battle Beyond The Stars
Scooby Doo
Any Freddie Prinze Jr. Vehicle
Sulka's Wedding
Plan 9 From Outer Space

I'm sure I'll think of more.

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

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Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs....

"This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end."
-ShadowDancer

elfstar

I take it you're a masochist? Continuing to see sequels even after the previous ones have been so painful? And continuing to watch movies featuring horrendous actors?

Oh I forgot Daredevil...

cherriesue

I totally agree

Waterworld...what the hell were they thinking?!

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we die only once and for such a long time

KellyC

8 Miles...

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Slayer

The House of the Dead......

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k1ng

This one's easy!

XXX and Dumb and Dumberer

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"Delight in excellence is easily confused with snobbery by the ignorant." -Joseph Epstein

mr_boz

BRAVEHEART- all those oscars just baffle me. that was probably the ONLY movie i've felt a legitimate desire to walk out of.
--ccb

cameroncrazy822

I NEVER cry at movies but the one that brought me the closest was "Rudy". Welling up as well as goosebumps. Very powerful ending.

Polyphobic

Pretty much any arnold movie in the past 10 years and most of the ones before that. Commando was on tv recently. Good lord that was crappy.

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