Movies that make you cry with pain
 

This is an alternative to the 'Movies That Made You Hurt' topic.

List the movies that were SO horrible that you felt actual physical pain to watch.

I'll start with - Dumb and Dumberer

I've been an atheist for most of my adult life, but the movie that nearly changed my mind was Battlefield Earth. I thought, albeit briefly, that perhaps God existed after all--because it was clear that the devil had taken hold of the people behind that...'film'.

Windego.

dreamcatcher
big trouble
the cars that ate paris

Manos: The Hands of Fate

Made the terrible mistake of seeing the NON-MST3K version of this first. I felt like clawing my eyes out after only 10 minutes.

Brotherhood of the Wolf... don't get me started... oh for the love of god don't...

Ahahaha, sounds like you REALLY hate that movie, Deflok.


I'm gonna throw this one in and say The Passion of The Christ.
It was a little bit TOO snuff for me.
Half of the violence in it wasnt needed, and without it, well... the movie would have lasted about 10 minutes.

Mulholland Drive

It's not that it was bad ... It's just that the incredible mixture of crappiness and stupidity made it so aweful that no word in the english language could describe it so much to the point that all I can really say about it is: what the crap.

I swear to God, there were so many points during the movie where I just wanted to turn off the movie and stop watching. If I were watching it alone I probably would have stopped it right after the part when the two guys were talking at Winky's about that stupid monster thing. God damn, that was so fucking stupid.

But the lesbian scenes were hot as hell.

Cradle 2 the Grave.

I hate this film. I truely despise it. I'm sure there are plenty of films out there that are far worse, but this has one thing about it, that makes it unique....I WATCHED IT!

God damn! This was pure unadulterated tripe.

I don't even know why I got it. I was in the store, looking in the new releases; "seen....seen.....seen....seen", then I saw this film, and vaguely recalled hearing it was a great action film.

It was painful.

As for Mulholland Drive, well I guess it's not to everyone's taste, but it needs to be watched more than once to appreciate it. I love it, I think it is an incredible film.

Blazing Saddles
The Blair Witch Project
A Knight's Tale
The Fast and the Furious
Riding in Cars with Boys
Vanilla Sky

The Big Bounce

...there are many others, but that's the most recent one. I can't really put into words how bad it was.

underworld is the only film i've seen recently that fits this description.

utter crap.

especially the end.

not even the Kate in tight leather excuse is good enough to forgive this drivel.

and i notice that she and Hugh Jackman are going to continue the trend with Von Helshit... oh dear... whatever happened to the darling Flora Post?

SpiceWorld

Dougs first movie aka Dougs last movie

Batman And Robin

Magnolia, for this very same reason:

*cough* bump

End of Days... omfg i left in the middle.. and i NEVER leave in the middle.. (cuz i'm very cheap w/ my money.. but this was baaaad ( and also cuz i rarely pay for a bad movie.. )

Alien Resurrection.....

Watching this movie is the closest to hell I've ever been.

How about Party Monster? THAT was a shitty, shitty movie. My friend was raving about how it was supposed to be a great movie, so we rent it, and holy crap was it bad. That movie was so bad that, if it were a smell, it could gag a maggot.

heh. an (at the time) coworker told me that i absolutely, positively had to see In the Bedroom.


i watched the whole thing, all two hours, wiating for it to be good. i wanted it to be good. desparately wanted to enjoy it, to see whetever it was my coworker saw in it, but in the end, i was left an empty shell, my life having been wasted. two hours that i will never get back. the pain, suffering, and emotional hardship i endured from this movie will never fully heal. i will always hate this movie, and my coworker because of this movie.

???????
That would be at least on my top twenty list of favourite films, but to each their own.

Stars Wars Epispode One - the theatre version with waaaay too much Jar Jar and nothing beside Natalie and some watchable sword fights would qualify for me.

Titanic had the superb set and affects that almost overcome the drek plot and insipid love story that did nothing but make me really happy when that Jack kid FINALLY drowned. edit: as I recall, I definitely was not the only male in the theatre that cheered when he let go of the raft and slipped underwater.

Finally, one who is in agreement with me. I could not stop hysterically laughing through this movie. It SUCKS. The sound effects are used over and over again about the last half of the movie, the graphics suck, and the acting is terrible. Not to mention it's boring. But just the scene with the guy shooting the pumpkins (or whatever it was, can't remember) in the garden.....had my laughing the hardest I have ever laughed in my entire life. It sounded like someone was taking a shit. I hate that movie with a passion. Too long, too boring, too shitty.

"I vont yoo to... go to hell!"

Vampire Knights.
I own it on video, and it's soooooooo bad!
In fact, it's so bad that it's a little good.
The clouds move behind the moon in one scene.
It's filmed in one house, but from different angles so you get to think that it's bigger than it really is.
The main character plays the trumpet, but the sounds coming out are from a cheap keyboard.
Argh!

Also, Neon Maniacs is great. The plot is as such:
Teenagers go out in woods in van to have sex and smoke pot.
Mutants kill teenagers.
Kids find out that water kills mutants.
Kids kill mutants with water.
Movie ends.

Mystic River.

Apparently it was a riveting, emotional powerhouse of a film...but I found it pretentious and boring. It dragged on and on and on and yet still felt as though the actors had been rushed to cram in a performance. It felt like a paint by numbers book, full of fake emotion.

The Hulk was the most painful exercise in Final Cut Pro transitions that I have ever seen.

The House of the Dead is what happens when you take a steaming pile of crap and put it onto two reels and show it through a projector.

wet hot american summer

i actually threw an ashtray at the tv during the final scene, so i (fortunately) never got to see the ending of this travesty of film.

and people wonder what happened to janeane garofalo's career...








well, not really, but you get my point.

I really hated American Beauty.... I just did... I don't want to explain

Cabin Boy, the only worthwhile scene is David Letterman's "Would you like to buy a monkey" line. God he's a horrible actor. House of 1000 corpses was pretty bad too.

<Mystic River>
<The Hulk>
<American Beauty>
<Cabin Boy>
All film I have "missed" and have had no desire to watch so far (aside from considering renting Cabin Boy on a few occasions)

definitely not now or ever a "Star Wars fanboy" (probably waiting until the third prequel is on DVD after watching the last two disasters within a month of their release) but what I saw of the re-issue of the original Star Wars film would qualify as "Movies that make you cry with pain", but that might just have been the sight of a classic from my younger years being FUBARed when it was better before.

not sure if it falls under my list of "utter crap", but it did put me to sleep twice - starting to watch fully awake both times- before I finally sat through most of it. I did not want to return the DVD without getting my "money's worth" out of it, and was willing to give it a chance to prove it was worth the rental - it failed both counts in my opinion.

Underworld
Anything with Rob Schneider or Adam Sandler (excepting Punch Drunk Love)
School of Rock
Daredevil
The Punisher (Dolph Lundgren version)
Highlander 2
Highlander 3
Highlander: Endgame
Bloodsport
Bloodsport 2
Bloodsport 3
Bloodsport 4
Any Jean Claude Van Damme vehicle
Any Steven Segal Vehicle
Romeo Must Die
Battle Beyond The Stars
Scooby Doo
Any Freddie Prinze Jr. Vehicle
Sulka's Wedding
Plan 9 From Outer Space

I'm sure I'll think of more.

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

I take it you're a masochist? Continuing to see sequels even after the previous ones have been so painful? And continuing to watch movies featuring horrendous actors?

Oh I forgot Daredevil...

I totally agree

Waterworld...what the hell were they thinking?!

8 Miles...

The House of the Dead......

This one's easy!

XXX and Dumb and Dumberer

BRAVEHEART- all those oscars just baffle me. that was probably the ONLY movie i've felt a legitimate desire to walk out of.
--ccb

I NEVER cry at movies but the one that brought me the closest was "Rudy". Welling up as well as goosebumps. Very powerful ending.

Pretty much any arnold movie in the past 10 years and most of the ones before that. Commando was on tv recently. Good lord that was crappy.

Wow... That's one of the best comedies of all time...

The All Nighter (starring Susanna Hoffs)... ran screaming from the theatre... really.

Mine:

Lost in Translation

Its the only movie I've fallen asleep watching at 12:00 in the afternoon.

I can honestly say that I haven't had an intense loathing for any movie other than this one... im fairly easy going.

Wait.... there IS one more, Dumb and Dumberer

The original Ocean's 11 (Rat Pack)

The Time Machine - I left the movie for an hour and came back and had missed absolutely nothing, except the $4 I had paid to rent it.

Waterworld & The Postman (I swear, Kevin Costner + post apocoliptic world = horrible)
Starship Troopers
Battlefield Earth (And I've only seen about a half hour of that one)

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (I actually likd the first one)
Return of the Magnificent Seven (no reason for this or the next one to be made. The original one and its inspiration, Seven Samurai, were good enough and should've ended it)
Mel Gibsons' The Patriot

Wow theres some on here I dont understand; but you know about opinions; I guess being that I disagree with alot mentioned I'll be alone to say:

The Scorpian King,
Leonard Part 6,
Master of Disguise,
Street Fighter,
Jaws 3D,
Firday the 13th series,
Ghosts of Mars,
Vampires (John Carpenters),
Gymkata,
Dirty Dancing,
Purple Rain,
Rhinestone,
Starmaps,
Over the Top,
Its Pat,
Spice World,
Josey and Pusseycats,
From Justin to Kelly,
Gigli,
Dude wheres my car

Sound of Music
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

...or any of those other corny musicals. Jesus Christ, I hate musicals. Worst type of movies ever made PERIOD.

Half the songs in these movies... how could the writers make them and not think, "Goddamn this is cheesy.."? Esp. Willy Wonka. Prancing around, "Cheer up, cheer up CHARLIEEEE"

It makes me angry just thinking about it.

Of all the recent films there is one that stands out by a mile.

The winner is....Torque. Oh my god. This movie is soooo bad they should show it in filmschool classes of how NOT to make a movie.

If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about.

--jaded

That Male Gigolo-movie...I can't believe I actually paid for it.

Re: Movies that make you cry with pain
 

I normally don't have anything to do with stupid comedies or spoofs. The only reason I went to see this was because I wanted to kill acouple of hours and i'd seen all the other movies showing. The movie had bombed so bad that I was the only person in the theater. While watching it (the extra strength laxative/ toilet scene), I laughed so hard I starting choking on the twizzlers i was eating. I started sufficationd and nearly passed out. i saw my life fllash before my eyes. I literally had a vision of my name/picture being in the news the next day. I couldn't go out that way and coughed up the twizzler and lived another day....

Any Vin Diseil Movie.. Two Fast Too Furious, That crappy biker movie.... You got served

Dumb and Dumberer was quite possibly the worst time I have ever had while watching a movie.

Leonard Part 6 w/ Bill Cosby

Remember the first 5 were classified or something along those lines to protect the innocent.. it's a good thing as then we'd possibly have the top 6 worst movies of all time.

.... "melted butter" anyone?

Vertical Limit.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 5 I think it was. Master of Disguise was pretty bad too.

Pistol Opera. I thought it'd all come together and make sense towards the end. I was wrong. And I paid the price. So dearly (and I mean more than just the ticket price).

Grand Canyon.... watched a long time ago
Dumb and Dumber... how dumb