Heh i was watching the dvd of the show when I found this thread! Great idea. Oh yeah! Gigidigigidigigidi

The episode where Peter and Chris try to uncancel Gumble to Gumble:

Peter: Alright Calahan me and my son want you to uncancel Gumble to Gumble.
Calahan: Well sir, we only air the show, we have nothing to do with it being cancelled. I have all the episodes on tape, would you like to borrow them?
Peter: Ok you bastard, you wanna play rough? All right. Until you bring the gumbles back, I am going on a hunger strike. yeh? How bout that Calahan? Can you live with that on your concience? Heh?
*Short Pause*
Peter: You gonna eat that stapler?
Calahan: uh you can't eat a spapler..
Peter: Wanna split it?

Meg:How are we going to get up there, Dad smeared grease on the pole
Chris: Dont worry Meg, we studied levers in class, you just have to pivot at the point at the weight counter balances the fulcrum

*Chris runs head first into the pole and falls unconcious*

News Anchors are always great:
And now we go live to Diane being a bitch, Diane.

Peter to this 'leafer' that is in his bar - Is your refridgerator running? Because if it is, i bet its running just like you... VERY homosexually!

I died when I heard that.

girl: oh death oh..
car rockin.. car stops..

death: man, not again.. im gonna be a virgin forever.. *pause* .. or will i..

car rocks.. heh still laugh at that one..

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Brian: Oh, please, Peter, your excuses are lamer than FDR's legs.
Meg & Peter: *gasp*
Brian: Too soon?

Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence... gotta get me some of that."


Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
Brian: What the hell are you talking about?

"Except for you, you can touch me"

Tom Tucker: In other news, an accident caused the Quahog cable television transmitter to be knocked out, which will prevent broadcasting to the entire city. Actually, no can hear this, so it doesn't really matter what I say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'm going to get drunk and beat up some hookers. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Director: Uh, guys, we're still on in Boston

Here is a link to a lot of quotes on IMDB:

<a href="http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0182576/quotes">Family Guy Quotes</a>

Peter: "Lois, it's time for you to start living like the Pieceofschmidt you are."

Lois: "That's PEWTERschmidt."

My favourite Family Guy quote is where the Fox exec said "Cut that piece of shit..."

:)

Mr Mephisto

Stewie: I want a kittie!!!

Kate Moss: Oops! Crack in the floor!

You'd have to see the episode, but

Mayor Adam West: "Are YOU stealing my water?"

Next one I cant remember exactly, but

Two truckers driving a huge semi

"Hey [name] think I can pop a wheelie in this thing?"

episode 15 season 3. The "special olimpics" one

peter: "just don't forget our deal lois, I sit through this and later tonight I get anal"
Lois: (looks over)
peter: "you hear me, no matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it."

Family Guy Opening Lyrics
 

There are two words in the opening lyrics of Family Guy that I don't understand, or maybe it's the same words twice.

It seems to day, that all you see.....etc,

("{[ SOMETHING ]}") is the Family GuuuuyY!
("{[ SOMETHING ]}") is the man who, possitivly can do... etc!

little help?

After being kicked in the shin, Peter says, "Ssssss ahhhhh. Ssssss ahhhhh. Ssssss ahhhhh. Ssssss ahhhhh. Ssssss ahhhhh. Ssssss ahhhhh." over and over again for about 3 mins. Its a 'you had to be there' moment, but I almost fell out of my chair when I saw that.

Re: Family Guy Opening Lyrics
 

Luckily there's a family guy.
Luckily there's a man who, possitively can do...



at least I think so. :(

Best quote ever. I still laugh when i think of that. I could not stop laughing for like half an hour, and then it happened again when the oompa loompa kicked him. so very very funny.

Can't believe no ones said anything about this one... Meg visits a college....Stewie walks off by himself & runs into some young women sitting under a tree I don't know it exactly but sumthin like

Girls: Hi there cutie. Have you thought about joining a Fraternity?
Stewie: Yes actually I was thinking about joining I Phelta Thi

And of course the Ass pinata and Brian saying "I sure hope candy comes out of that" is just classic material right there.

Asta!!

(Brian speaking as Stewie)

Brian: "I’m a pompous little antichrist who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim."

Didn't see this one listed already. It has to be my fave.

Doctor: Peter, thats not a tumor, thats you penis.
Peter: I see... And this...
Doctor: Thats your scrotum.
Peter: I see...

Don't know if it was posted so sorry ahead of time if it was

Peter: What do they call you a Snausage?
Brian: Good one Peter where you up all night thinking of that one?
Peter: Nah I got to bed around 2-2:30!!

FRIGGIN HILARIOUS BEST SHOW EVER SO HAPPY THEY ARE DOING A MOVIE CANNOT WAIT!! BRING IT BACK TO TV!!

Whoa! A Famliy Guy movie?!?

Mario: Erica, you know I love you, but I gotta come clean...
Mario: I'm not really a man, I'm a woman!
Erica: OMG joo a wooman!?
Mario: Well actually, I'm not really a woman, I'm a horse!
Erica: OMG joo a hoorse?
Mario: Actually, I'm not really a horse, I'm a broom!

That's the ringer on my cel phone :)

Chris: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
____________________

Lois: Peter I’m sure you would have been a great mother if you had the chance.
Peter: You think so?
Lois: I know so.
[Lois leaves, Peter picks up Stewie from the crib, opens his shirt and places Stewie’s mouth on his nipple. Stewie begins sucking then realizes there’s something wrong and wakes up. Stewie pulls a hair out of his mouth and looks up at Peter before cringing in horror over sucking Peter’s nipple.]

I have never laughed harder than when I first saw that scene.
________________

Stewie: Oh Mother, I come bearing a gift. I’ll give you a hint, it’s in my diaper and it’s not a toaster.
_________________

Peter: Oh. My God, that reminds me I’ve got to give myself a breast exam. Uh-oh, uh-oh, a lump, oh god, OH GOD! Nope, Cheeto.
[Peter walks away eating the cheeto.]
_________________

Quagmire: Don’t worry Lois, I’d do everything to you.
Lois: What?
Quagmire: I’d do anything for you.
_________________

Peter speaking to a crowd of black people: I’d like to say a couple of truths to the men in this audience. It’s your fault we have so much crime in this country and it’s your fault we have so much violence in this country. You are ruining our society and you should be ashamed.
[Cut to Peter being chased through the streets by a mob angry black people.]

Owing a favor to the mafia don, Peter meets him and says:

"What are you gonna make me do, whack a guy, off a guy, whack off a guy? Cause I'm married."

And after being told all he has to do is take the Don's nephew to a movie:

"Wait a second. Which movie? Cause if it's anything with Greg Kinnear, you can just whack me off right now."

Another Family Guy Quote site.

Hope it hasnt been posted yet.

Link

Later

Funny but horrible:

Peter: This is just like my other family
[shows a ranch in the desert]
[inside the house Peter is in hippy cloths talking to Charlie Manson and his followers]
Peter: I got invited to a party at Sharon Tates house, you can come but you can't embarrasse me.

My other favorite is.

Lois: Peter your acting like a child.
Peter: Yeah Lois, well if I'm a child you know what that makes you?. That makes you a pedofile Lois and I refuse to be insulted by a pervert.
[Peter slams door while leaving]

And.

[Stewie has a bully tied up in his room]
Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house

Special Olympics episode with the stephen hawking like character saying:
"boom shacka lacka lacka boom shaka lacka lacka boom"

Quagmire and Lois are on a date when Lois and Peter are separated.
Waiter: Here's your table, sir.
Quagmire: Thank you waiter. Could we get some drinks?
Waiter: Certainly Mr. Quagmire. The usual: A martini for you and a Ruphi Colada for your date?

from "A very special Family Guy freakin' Christmas"

Peter: Aww Crap! Since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from?"
Brian: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card but it says "For Peter" in it so you must have thought it was from you so you didn't uh...you know it's just easier to call you "stupid."
--------------------------
Stewie: Damn you! Vile woman!!

I have waaaay too many, but I did love Peter's musical rendition of "You can't spell... Silo, without Lois."

alright, i cant believe nobody said this one

STEWIE: Don't give me that smug look. Fine....well you have extra sensitive hearing.....hear this (mouths FUCK YOU).

BRIAN: I'm telling.

STEWIE: I..I..I..um...um..um. I said vacuum.

HAHAHAHA..... It's so much fun when I'm the only good lip reader around! :-D

Quaugmire <sp?>: "911? Yeah, it's Quaugmire. Yeah, it's stuck in a window this time. Yeah, thanks."

I love that one, I yell it on the kitchen line all the time.

Also the song stewie sings when he joins the banjo band in "To Live and Die In Dixie"

I *LOVE* this song!

Setup: Stewie is saying "a few words" after burying Brian's mom in eposide 20.

"Yea and God said to Abraham, ''You will kill your son Isaac.'' And Abraham said, ''I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone.'' And God said ''Oh, I'm sorry.. is this better? Check... Check... Check... Jerry pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here.'' Stewie

Stewie: Augh! What the hell do you think you're doing?
Brian: I'm cleaning myself.
Stewie: You were clean fifteen minutes ago, now you're just on vacation.

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.






Greatest...show...ever.