Stewie sees a picture of Meg in a two piece bathing suit "I hope that's not my first memory"

I'm bad at remembering stuff like this, but I love the show!

This is also my fav...i almost crapped my pants when i saw it.

"I...am going...to kick...your...ASS!"

And another personal favorite...
"What tatoo would you like, sir?"
"I want a skull."
"Well I can do Kermit the Frog. Would you like a nice Kermit the Frog?"
"No, I want a skull.:
"Ok, well, I'm gonna go ahead and do Kermit the Frog..."

Just remembered another one of my favorites.
"Peter: The healthiest thing we can do is to just ignore this and pretend that it doesn't exist. Just like we do with the squid.
*Camera zooms out to reveal a giant squid a the table.*
*Squid knocks all the setting of the table*
Lois: Eh... Earthquake
Peter: Err... A truck going by"

Farmers wife: (talking to Stewie) I bet your hungry.

Stewie: Yes and I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull ... NOW FEED ME !

"Wouldst thou take a gander under my frock?"

you gotta see the episode.. I aint explaining it

In the episode 15 minutes of shame.....

Lois-Chris hunny go to bed
Chris hiding behind the couch when Meg is having her slumber party...-I Can't....
Lois-Alright hunny, finish up and then go to bed.

Theres a million others but that was the first one that came to mind.

"oatmeal...spittle...SEMEN????"

Brian - Whose leg do you have to hump to get a martini around here?

FBI AGENT #1: Well, I'm going to go draw boobs on the etch-a-sketch.
FBI AGENT #2: Go ahead. They always come out square, anyway.

"Look, there's a newly-married interracial gay couple burning the American flag!"

Stewie - Oh, I feel delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet!

I've never seen this show, but these are some very funny posts. What channel and time is it on? I don't have cable, but I can probably find a friend to tape it for me.

Cartoon Network
11 pm Monday-Thursday.

They have all the episodes out on DVD, plus you sould be able to find them on any decent P2P network.

Family Guy and Futurama are also on Monday-Friday on TBS or TNT (I'm not sure which) at 12:00 p.m. EST.

They're the episodes that were shown on the Cartoon Network the night before.

Let's get back to the quotes people. This is my g/f's choice for the thread:

Stewie: "Shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!"

Actually, FG is on 2:30pm EST in TBS as well as CN

As for yet another quote:

"What's Lois doing in a diner? I already ate."
"Maybe she's a whore...you know, like on weekends...to pay for her mother's dialysis...like in my fantasy...you know what, let's start over...Hi, I'm Quagmire!"

Stewie- for every sprinkle on my ice cream, I shall kill you.

"...no pickles ....GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND ANY PICKLES!"

This isn't the exact qoute by far, but it's the general idea of it..

Stewie: (trying to dial Lois' number) Damn! What is that number? Oh well, there's only one thing to do... (dialing) 111-1111... DAMN! 111-1112... DAMN!

Stewie: PUT ME THROUGH THE PENTAGON!
Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr Hooper, I've got six armed men stationed outside Big Bird's nest, as for Linda, well it's rather difficult to for a deaf woman to hear an assasin aproach, now isn't it?
Ernie: Can you count to three?
Stewie: Can I count to three? <ZAP> 1 <ZAP> 2 <ZAP> 3
For god sakes, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level!

This was a special out take from the season 2 DVD i think.
Peter in a Synagogue: "I didn't know Optimus Prime was Jewish!"
A semi truck drives in and transforms into Optimus Prime with a Jewish hat on his head.

You left out the, "867-5309...no that's not it...DAMN YOU TOMMY TUTONE!"

That's from "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein", the unaired episode. It's on the Volume 2 DVD that just came out.

(scene) A priest and a rabbi are walking into a bar.

The priest turns to the rabbi and says. "Hey, did you hear the one about us?"

*Brian and Peter watching Seseme Street*

Peter: "So, is the Count a real vampire? I mean, have they ever shown him doin' somebody on here?"
Brian: "So...you're asking if they ever had a Seseme Street...where the Count killed someone...and drank their blood for sustinance?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Brian: "No, they never did that."

Stewie: Get back here and do her, you fat bastard!

Stewie: Unhand me, I'll give you anything you want; money, power, women.... men?

Trisha Tokinawa: This is asian reporter Trisha Tokinawa, I'm about to have sex with a strange man.
Quagmire: I've never had a mexican chick before, heh, Ole!

Stewie: Oooh look, I'm writing naughty words on the wall. (written on the wall is Poppycock)

Meg and Chris being home-schooled by Lois:

Lois: Chris, is that a note?
Chris: No...
Lois: Yes, it is. Would you like to read it to the rest of the class?
Chris: No.
Meg: Just read it lard-o.
Chris reads note:"I think Mrs. Griffin's hot."
Lois: Go to your room.

"kinda makes my testicles want to drop. OH speak of the devil. OH speak of the devils" - Quaqmire (or however you spell it)

*At KISS Concert*
KISS: "I...Wanna Rock and Roll All Night..."
*gives mic to Lois in front row*
Lois: "And have a wonderful...time"
*arena goes silent*
Lois: "No wait, it's...and something something all...day?"

*During the Y2K episode

Peter eats a bunch of preserves that were saved up
Lois: Peter! thats a years worth of food!
Peter bloats up like a balloon.
Peter: Everybody out, I gotta poop....NOW!

From a friend's away message

_ . - * * * ^ ^ ^ * * *--…_
.-* `*-._
.* *-…_ .- ' *.
.* ` `.
.* _-~*~-_ .-*````*-. \
.-/ |______\ - |______ \ `*-.
`-. *._O__ / /_ *._O___ / /-*`
\ `***`` `* --- *` .-*
`-. /_____. .-*`
`*-…_ \ __..--*`
``***```
"for every sprinkle i find.....i'll kill you!"

edited to add:
:hmm:

Somehow that didn't work right...it's Stewie's face.

Stewie(upon seeing Brian's dead stuffed mother): I say Brian, someone must have said a funny, because your mother's in stitches!!!!!!

Later, burying Brian's mother...

Brian: "Say something."

Stewie: "Like what?"

Brian: "Anything!"

Stewie: "Yea, and God said unto Abraham 'You will kill your son Issac.' And Abraham said 'I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the mike'. And God said 'Ok, is this better? Check, check, Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back---"

Brian: "Say something about my mother!"

Stewie: "Oh, ok. *Ahem* I never knew Buttercup as a dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the sam length---"

Brian: "Thanks."

Stewie: "Yes, um. Requium and terapance and such amen."

"Hey, Lois, look, It's the two symbols of the republican party, an elephant, and a big, fat, white guy who's afraid of change!" - Peter

the show is hiliarious...unfortuationly i didnt discover it until fox cancled it.....i started watching it just a couple of months ago......along with futurama lol

"Get off the toad now! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"- Peter

Quagmeyer: Hey Meg you 18 yet?
Meg: No
Quagmeyer: hey Chris how ya doin?
Chris: Actually pre-
Quagmeyer: Allllll-riiight



Lois: You know Peter, sometimes I feel as if I am married to a child.
Peter: Hey, you better watch watch you say, cuz if I am a child; you know what the makes you? A pedophile. And I will be damned if I am going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.



Drug Rehab Lady: What is your name sir?
Peter: Uhhh....uhhhhh. (looks at a pea on a plate) P-e-a......uhhhhh......uhhhh......(looks at a girlcrying, her tears)....t-e-a-r......uhhh.....uhhhh..(and the good ole randomness of the show; a griffin flies into the room)....griffin. There, Peter Griffin.....DAMN

For every sprinkle you put on this ice cream....I will KILL YOU!

The Kool-aid guy was hilarious too, but my number one Family Guy moment would have be the Death "virgin forever" scene. I could do it no justice with just this text but damn...that's funny.