MrTia

I've been a big fan of these really detailed movie reviews for parents where they list in EXCRUCIATING detail exactly what sexual, violent, or vulgar content might be contained in a movie; the effect of reading a bunch of these in a row can be quite a bit more shocking than watching the movies themselves.

so i've wanted to do this for a while: based solely on the description of said risque content, name the movie being described. maybe i'll start doing one of these every friday, depending how bored i am. all of these movies are currently out in theaters (in the US, anyway...)

i think these will be pretty easy, but the descriptions are so funny i couldn't resist.

1. a giant syringe (we don't see an injection), chases, fights, explosions, abductions, interrupted robberies; character and her dog get mugged but are fine. Canine sexual innuendo, toilet humor.

2. A steamy kiss; implied overnight liaison; hints of adultery -- a cuddle with a colleague; drinking; smoking; rare strong profanity. Not for tweens.

3. Bone-crushing fights, lethal gunplay; foot chases, car chases are breathlessly shot and could induce motion sickness in some; mild profanity. BOURNE ULTIMATUM -- ONODRIM

4. Character skateboards naked; characters drink and smoke -- including, at times, kids; pious Christians spoofed; mildly crude language; rare profanity; brief bedroom scene; two gay policemen kiss, enter a motel; robot suicide gag.

5. Drug humor; very strong profanity; drinking; smoking; nudity; body falls out of coffin; strong sexual innuendo; homophobic humor; gross toilet humor.

6. Explicit sexuality; nudity; strong profanity, sexual language; talk of an aid worker who sexually abused Third World children; a skinned pig cut in half at a market; drinking; smoking.

7. Highly explicit sexual language; drugs, drunkenness; squirm-inducing scene about menstrual blood; drawings of male sex organs; semi-explicit sexual situations -- mild compared with the language.

8. High-speed chases, crashes, people run over; gunplay; vicious dog chases kids; infected man, covered in slime, dies after a seizure; people jump to their deaths; Character stalked in a subway tunnel; verbal account of a man killing a pet; a muted kiss; Character seen briefly in translucent sleepwear; drinking; mild profanity.

9. Martial arts face-offs with fists, blades, sticks; high-speed chases; gunplay; leering but nonthreatening sexual innuendo (and a bit of sexism); ethnic, racial stereotypes spoofed; racial slurs referred to by first letters only; implied toplessness among dancers; briefly lewd but nonexplicit sexual situation; rare profanity.

10. Nongraphic boxing scenes with bloody noses, swollen eyes; one use of the F-word; mild sexual innuendo; drinking, smoking; verbal references to an abusive childhood, with a scar to show for it.

11. Sexual themes refer to teen longing, masturbation; subtler hints of cross-dressing, homosexuality; sounds of protagonist's mom and her new lover having sex; teens kiss steamily, drink, smoke; profanity.

mixedmedia

I have no idea what any of these are, lol.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

MrTia

they can be hard if you haven't seen them.

hint: focus on specifics, like the one with the body coming out of the coffin or the aforementioned pig... if it stumps everyone i can post some names of movies out of order as a hint...

mixedmedia

Well, I was and some of them are vaguely familiar, but I can't put my finger on them....

I'll guess on No. 10 - is it Million Dollar Baby?

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

MrTia

fraid not, but it's a movie considered to be part of a trilogy of sorts with million dollar baby.

onodrim

No. 3 sounds like it could be Bourne Ultimatum. The church my parents brought me to when I was younger had magazines about all the upcoming movies which listed all these things, but even more specifically. I would always read them as soon as we got there so I knew which movies I wanted to see based on the sexual content.

__________________
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

MrTia

bingo! i tried to update the post to reflect this but it looks like it got nabbed by some spam filter. hopefully it'll come back up.

in the meantime, who can place this timeless gem?

***

Horror flick's vile premise -- young travelers abducted so rich folks can pay for the thrill of torturing and killing them -- makes one despair over the state of civilization. Bloodletting done with saws, blades, axes, dogs; film shows entrails, severed heads, headless corpses; a boy is shot dead; sexualized killing; much nudity; sexual situations; crude sexual slang; strong profanity; drug use; drinking, smoking. Too grotesque for anyone younger than 17.

***

i have to admit to despairing over the fate of civilization a bit when i saw "saw iii."

Bill O'Rights

#4 is The Simpsons.

#2 is The Nanny Diaries.

#1 is Underdog.

#8 is The Invasion.

#9 is Rush Hour 3.

I have no clue what the others are.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

pig

hey, what's this about a pig skinnin???

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Doctor_Max

7. Superbad
10. War?

MrTia

daaag. you got mad skilz.

Willravel

What's left:
...and I have no idea.

telekinetic

11 is every teen movie ever, #10 is every rocky movie ever, and I think #6 is 2 days in Paris.

Plan9

I offer Category 12:

Nekromantik 2, a nasty German flick where a guy with a huge hardon stabs himself repeatedly with a dagger ala seppuku while simultaneously squirting blood and ejaculating semen all over his heaving chest, room, camera, etc.

Oh, and then his girlfriend cuts off his head upon finding his body. She keeps it in a closet, puts cock rings on her new partners and decapitates them during sex so she can put the decaying head of her ex in place of the guys' real heads while riding their still-hard erection.

What a weird flick.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SecretMethod70

You should be able to edit the opening post without any problems now, if you haven't tried recently.

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

spectre

Is #5 clerks?

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

MrTia

believe it or not, i've seen nekromantik the first one. (cant recall if i got around to the sequel.) i've also seen bloodsucking freaks and cannibal holocaust, which are all tied for first for the most revolting film i've ever witnessed. cannibal holocaust actually had good aspects to it though. nekromantik kinda just made me worry about germany. :P

thanks, i'll update the post tomorrow, i'm feeling lazy right now.

you guys are doing good with those. this isn't the first family filmgoer quiz i've posted and this is going lickety-split.

ironpham

Even though I haven't seen it, #11 sounds like it could possibly be Mr. Woodcock. Maybe?

Reese

All my guesses were wrong.. didn't See BoR's post

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

Grasshopper Green

The only one I know is Superbad, which is number 7.

__________________
"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

Charlatan

I don't think I've seen any of those movies...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke