burtsbees

I'm just curious to know what people do to make you gals believe that this is "going over the top". For example, he makes me act out scenes from shakespeare... or he doesn't like my parents... or he doesn't like sushi. Anything! Anything?

rlynnm

Time to break up when the little things he used to do that were so cute and endearing have transitioned into sheer annoyances.

Seriously though, questions such as these have no clear cut response because they are contingent on many many many factors..but to satisfy the question, I guess when matters worsen beyond compromise, and everything else has failed, moving on might be necessary.

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

shesus

When to break off a relationship is different depending on the situation surrounding it. If you could provide some more information like time together, why you feel you want to break up, and things like that we may be able to help you more.

I can, however, give you some examples of my previous break ups.
1) I was dating a very obsessive, possessive guy. I wasn't allowed to go out on my own, I wasn't allowed to talk to or even look at another guy. I tried to break it off many times unsuccessfully. One day I forgot to wear a bracelet he got me. He got extremely mad and while following me to work (to make sure that's where I was going), he tried to pass me on a curvy road to show his anger. He lost control of the car and hit a telephone pole. He broke both of his legs and was in a coma for about 2 weeks. That coma made me come to my senses and I ended the relationship while he was in the physical therapy clinic.
2) This relationship was with a high school sweetheart. We got engaged the Christmas after we graduated. I thought it was everything I wanted, but as I got older and matured, I realized that we wanted different things and had different goals. I wanted to move to a large city and he wanted to stay in the country. He liked to get drunk every night and I was into settling down and getting out of the drunken every night state. After much thought and a few backing outs, I finally told him it was over. This was very hard though because he was in the Army and stationed in Germany. He took emergency leave and tried to convince me to stay with him. We had been engaged for 2 years and was planning on getting married in less than a year. I stuck by my choice because I had thought it over for about 6 months and was certain that's what I wanted to do.

The major thing with a break up is that you think through it so you don't have that 'what if...' thought. You also don't want to regret and look back thinking 'what could have been...' I don't regret any break up. I remember the reason for every break up and still after all these years agree with my choice.

Good luck!

__________________
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I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

Guinevere

It's time to let go or break up when the sadness outweighs the joy.

noodle

When he mocks you in front of his friends about what he used to tease you for only in private.

When he starts to make comments about things that used to be of no consequence--e.g. wearing jeans too often or having messy hair in the morning--more than he compliments you.

When he lies about his whereabouts... even to say he wasn't going somewhere just to avoid inviting you. Especially when you couldn't have cared less about going along in the first place.

When you realize that the past two years didn't mean as much to him as that last 20 minute one-sided sex session.

When he stops contributing to your happiness and starts to hinder it.

When he text messages you from another car 2 hours into an 8 hour road trip home with his friends that you're "incompatible" and you "need to say bye and move on." Or when he threatens you with a restraining order after you request that he stand up and be a man and breakup with you in person.

Sorry, I'm a little bitter right now.

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maleficent

Everyone has their own deal breakers in a relationship- if what's important to you -- isn't important to him... then there's a problem and it may end up coming between you...

The best answer I can give you -- you just know...

Don't do what too many women do - -stay in a relationship hoping it will get better - or because some guy is better than no guy at all. A relationship is about two people, but you can't forget about yourself as well - and you have to do what's right and what's healthy for you...

To use your example of "he hates your parents" if you love your parents, and are close to them and have a good relationship with them-- If he hates them-- youmight see your parents less-- or the visits with them become stressful... It's his issue and he's making it your issue. That's not good for you-- you aren't able to enjoy your visits with your parents.

He hates sushi? Well - unless you own a sushi restaurant-- then I'd say you have to pick your battles... and that seems like a silly reason to break up with someone...
...

you know it in your head andin your heart- ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES AND ONLY YOU KNOW WHEN IT"S TIME TO BREAK UP...

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noodle

Might I just add that Mal rocks. Mal kicks ass. Mal is the bomb-diggity.

I couldn't have said it bitter... I mean better.

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Sweetpea

When you are no longer happy... no longer happy with who you are in the relationship and no longer happy with how you are being treated... either one is a deal breaker.

Each of us deserves to be treated with 1. kindess 2. respect and 3. love ... if you're getting anything less than that, break up, life is too short to spend with someone who doesn't honor those simple things.

sweetpea

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"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

Guinevere

It's time to break up when:

--you don't want to kiss him anymore; especially during sex
--you avoid being alone with him to avoid intimacy
--you realize his friends are more boring than he is
--you avoid phone calls from his family members
--you avoid attending his family functions
--you start going out without him
--you dislike yourself for acting like a bitch towards him so much of the time

burtsbees

wow, some of these deal breakers are outrageous! Such as some of fredweena's! I'm very thankful for Mal's advice; I've come to see that some women suffer from what I like to call the "beauty and the beast syndrome..." believing that if you love him enough he will change. It seldomnly happens.

percy

This is true. And the points you raise are why guys break up with also.