shesus

OK, so I was having coffee today and overheard a conversation on a cell phone. The girl was talking about one of her friend's upcoming engagement. She said that her friend was going to be disappointed because the ring was less than 2 Karats and she said she wouldn't accept anything less. I have known some girls who have refused a ring because it was too small, the wrong cut, etc. This has always amazed me, but of course I don't buy into the engagement ring thing. I don't have one and wanted it that way. Why do I need an expensive ring as a promise? I knew that he wanted to marry me and that was enough. I have a nice wedding band that I view as a symbol of our marriage. However, I suppose some people feel that this is unnecessary too. If you have trust then a piece of jewelry is not needed could be a view.

Anyway, my questions are:
Why are some women so picky about an engagement ring?
What do you think the purpose of the ring is?
Has anyone ever refused a ring and made the guy take it back?

I am not judging anyone because it is a personal preference, just curious about other people's opinions and feelings.

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ShaniFaye

its well known around here what I think about people like that lol

my e-ring (when we finally buy it) will be 80 dollars...and its not a diamond, I cant stand them. I would MUCH rather take that kind of money and do something useful with it...like buy a new bedroom suite or do something to improve my house. I see NO point in that much money just sitting around on my hand serving no purpose.

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*Nikki*

My engagement ring was a family heirloom on his side, so it is a diamond. I like diamonds but there is no way hell I would even be that picky about the ring a man gave me. I mean what is wrong with these women?? Do they not know/care about the real meaning behind the event?

When I was engaged to a different man several years ago he gave me this teenie tiny diamond. I remember how happy I was to get it and we both cried together about him giving it to me. I was so proud to be engaged that I didn't give a shit about the size.

That is of course how I also feel about the ring my husband gave me, it means even more because his grandmother (who I never got to meet) wore it.

ShaniFaye

there is def a big difference in my book on heirloom e-rings

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shesus

Nikki, I think that if the ring is passed down through the family then it has a whole other meaning. That would be more special than a store bought ring.

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cellophanedeity

I intend on getting my love a pretty ring. He likes man jewlery. A lot. He always puts on his pretty things before he goes out, and I put up with it.

He's also a writer. One of his characters has this ring that helps sustain him, and I'd like to get Simon a ring that is how he invisions the one that Artemis wears.

It's not important for it to be expensive and huge and all of that. I want to get Simon one that he dreams of. I figure that he's worth the money.

Lead543

Welll I think some women are picky about their ring because they'll wear it for the rest of their life. You want to get a style, cut and setting that you like.

As for the purpose, well, to me its a silent marker or love/commitment. Like a friendship bracelet or something. I'm sure there's some historical stuff to back it up but that's what it is to me.

And I think if a guy ever had a girl want to trade up for a bigger ring, he should take it back for good. Sounds a little too much like an early stage of Bridezilla.

ShaniFaye

somewhere on here is a story i posted about a girl on the wedding board Im on....

her FATHER didnt like the ring and went and bought another one for 20k and so very kindly set up a payment plan for the fiance to pay him back for it.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

shesus

Yikes! I think that if I were that guy I would have run as fast I could. In-laws are tough enough without the blatant "You aren't good enough for my daughter" ring.

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superredhead

wow, i think thats pretty ridiculous of the girl. you should be so lucky to find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. ring or no ring you are still committed to that person for the rest of your life. although its nice to outwardly show that you belong to someone, its definitely not necessary and its silly to set susch high standards. that girl on the cell phone should be smacked up side the head.

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Rubyee

I think it is ridiculous as well.

I have only a few stipulations- get me something you like. That way, I will know you put some thought into it.

Don't get it from Wal-Mart, Target, or KMart. Once again, I want this to be something you put some thought and effort into, not something you get on a bargain or while buying groceries.

I want either a ruby or a red star ruby. Nothing too fancy. And nothing unaffordable. Just something that I can look at and see how much love and thought and care was put into it. And silver or white gold.

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Sweetpea

because you have to wear it the rest of your life, or most people do


a symbol, nothing more, nothing less.

I have heard that some women have, but that's just horrible . . . honestly, you're marrying a PERSON, not the ring! how shallow some women get is beyond me.

My engagement ring initially was very very small. And it was merely a symbol . . . my husband surprised me with a 1.5 carat ring after we had been married for a few years, bought a house and could afford it.

bottom line: I would have married my husband with no ring, if he had been homeless and peniless, because i love WHO HE IS, not the material items he's attatched too.

Sweetpea

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lindseylatch

I could go for the e-ring, because it's something to sort of "prove" that he's really serious. he's willing to put in that investment. Not that I wouldn't marry him if he didn't get a ring. It's just nice to she it off to the other ladies and stake your claim.

I'm kinda picky aobut what I want, but more about how it will look and feel, rather than how expensive/big it is. I actually don't really want a jewel, because I have a tendency to fidget so i would totally mess around with it. I also need something strong that isn't going to bend like gold does, cause I'm a big freakin' klutz. I catch rings on doorjams ALL the time, and I actually bent my mother's promise ring from her first husband. So, yeah. But I talk about it whenever the subject comes up, even other people's e-rings (I've never been known for my subtlety) so I don't think I would ever be unhappy with what my future fiance gets.

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Ella

I never had one. Actually, I was never officially engaged! My husband (from whom I'm separated) were together for a long time, had a couple of kids, and then decided to get married! So no rock for this little black duck....

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DazednConfused

My first fiance had gotten me an e-ring. It was pretty and simple 1/3 of a carat. Although, I gave the ring back when I broke it off.

My husband did not get me an engagement ring or even propose. I walked out of the kitchen one day carrying grilled-cheese sandwiches, handed them to him and said, "you're gonna marry me." I was half-joking but he said okay. Hee hee.

My wedding ring in another thing altogether. My husband took all my old jewelry and melted down the gold and made our wedding rings. I'm so glad he did benchwork at a jewelers as a part-time job. So, I guess it's all what really matters to the person as to what they want.

Our wedding rings (picture doesn't scan well):

shesus

OK, so I was reading through my smut this morning getting my celebrity gossip fix and Tommy Lee proposed to Pamela Anderson again. She got a black diamond with gray diamonds on either side (very unique). Anyway, she 'said' that she never cared about an e-ring because the bigger the rock the more insecure he is about his cock. Nice little rhyme there.
I don't think that I buy that idea, but your thoughts...

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*Nikki*

Well now that ring will match the bruises he gives her. She is a smart one!

Gilda

My engagement ring was a simple white gold with a small blue topaz. It's a good thing it only cost a couple of hundred dollars, as I don't wear it unless it matches my outfit.

My wedding ring, a plain gold band, never leaves my finger.

I could never connect to the big fancy "white wedding" type of ceremony and spending enough money to buy a car of put a down payment on a house on it.

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SiN

Could be.

However, I'm of the general view that few things in life are necessary ..
most of it is just wants and desires .. and those are as many and varied as there are people.



nfi on other women, no desire to speculate either.
I can, however, speak for myself.
I am a generally particular type of person, and I place perhaps a bit too much value on aesthetics.

I have not been near enough to a proper engagement to really consider it ... alls I know is that I'd want something platinum and diamond, but it does certainly not have to cost 20K.
I can think of a bajillion other things to spend that much money on. Rather, even.
But, I still want something ... that 'fits'. something that matches well with my aesthetic preferences (and to know that that was taken into consideration, sucessfully, would mean a fair bit to me).

The purpose .. is to symolise the love.
I don't see it so much as about 'promise', really.

more i think about it, it would kinda make more sense, in the way I think about things, to have the wedding ring be the bling and the engagement ring to be more 'simple'.
In other words, reverse how it is.
perhaps if I ever reach engagement stage, i'll bring this up ...

most importantly, is that whatever the couple does, both of them are totally happy with it.

if they can't get this part right, well ....

(I know, my opinion doesn't sound much romantic ...)

never known anyone to return a ring, or whatever ... never had too many female friends.
edit for elaboration: refusing a ring, because of the ring, would be lame. If I was a guy, I'd be quite likely to break off the engagement at that point.
And, if the female wants to refuse the ring ... well, what I said about getting this part right applies here.

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Grasshopper Green

I don't understand the uproar about size/carat/type of cut, etc. I didn't even have a ring when we got married; I got mine about four months later. I guess what I believe is the ring is the symbol of the love, not the size of the mans wallet.

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Sage

Personally, given that DeBeers not only uses slave labor to get the diamonds, but stockpiles them in warehouses so to artifically drive up the prices, I'm appaled that ANY woman wants a diamond anywhere near her finger. Especially now that synthetic diamonds are virtually identical to natural diamonds. I can buy a five carat synthetic diamond that looks, glitters, and cuts glass just like a nautral diamond for thirty dollars.

(ps- this has been my opnion, and only my opnion, so please refrain from flaming me like a charred hamburger at a family reunion. That is all.)

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*Nikki*

I agree Sage, I mean how in the hell would the average person know if the diamond I was wearing was fake or real. Only I know.

I know my diamond has nothing to do with DeBeers. It was hand picked by a little Jewish jeweler in Buffalo NY sometime around 1930ish or so. I am not exactly sure of that date and the husband is sleeping otherwise I would ask him

Anyway, not all diamonds come from there. However I do agree about the synthetic ones looking pretty damn good.

Rubyee

Sage, I have tried to explain that exact sentiment to other women before, but they all get a glazed look in their eyes and wander off. I am glad to see that someone else has the same mind frame that I have.

Diamonique looks just as good, and isn't corrupt. Please pardon my spelling.

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shesus

Plus, I think that if a diamond is over a certain size many people assume that it is fake. I would never want a huge rock on my finger that was real. I would be terrified someone would mug me. It would be like a flashing light. Plus, I think they look pretty gawdy. But that is my opinion. Also, I don't like diamonds much. I think that they are too plain, but I guess it is a status symbol or something.

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ophelia783

I used to think that the engagement ring was a telling sign of the relationship; the size of the stone and the cost were important to me.

Then I got engaged. My ring is gorgeous, but my fiance didn't need to charge it to a credit card or buy it on a payment plan. It's modest, and it's perfect.....

If the ring is really that important to someone, then the person asking isn't important enough.
Just my 2 cents.

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Apache

I agree but as special as that is, even a passed down ring was bought at a store at one time. You never know, maybe the one my husband bought me will one day be worn by my grandchild or something. (That's scary seeing as how Im only 24 right now. LOL)

I would never take something back that my hubby bought for me. Mainly because I know he puts thought into the things he buys me.
One time while his mother and I were talking about rings I said that I always loved rings with a diamond in the middle and a smaller one on each side. Well when he bought my ring he bought me a simple diamond. I LOVED IT. It was beautiful. He said he didn't want to buy me something I wouldn't like so he went with something simple. Then for our first year anniversary he let me pick out a wrap to go with it. Now when you look at my hand it looks like a diamond in the center with diamonds on each side. What I had always wanted!

anti fishstick

i also agree with sage. also, since woman in the congo region are being gang raped repeatedly i think it would be against women's rights to purchase diamonds from the debeer's company. personally, i don't even want to have an engagement ring. I say skip it all together and go for the wedding ring :-D

I tend to view engagement rings as merely a symbol to show that you are someone elses "property", but that's just my opinion.

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Minx

A ring is merely a token symbol. If the man I loved offered me nothing but a twist tie I would take it and love him none the less for it - perhaps more so. Any woman that would turn her nose up at a ring for whatever reason doesn't deserve it in the first place. You cannot judge love by the carats - it is so much more than that. A poor man may love just as deeply and desperately as a rich man....is his love to be considered not as grand because of what he can or cannot afford? I think not.

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mandy

my bf would so think that you absolutely right.and you are to a certain extent and you are right again when you say its a personal preferance.

fro me my personal prferance is a diamond.now i'm one of the more reasonable chicks...even if i do say so myself.

here where i stay in south africa a one carat diamond would be like R30 000 so it can be less than that.like maybe 0.5carats or something like that.

all i want is that the diamond be round and set in white gold.now i think thats pretty reasonable, dont you?

ok, i admit that there is a bit of showing off involved but that's just a woman thing...

is it not?

Sage

Diamonds = slave labor, no diamonds for me, thanks.

Plus, who decided diamonds were rare and precious anyway? Everytime I see a DeBeers ad, I want to puke.

Oh, and about the heirloom diamond- I don't have a problem with those, because there's way more meaning behind those than some dinky diamond bought at Friedman's.

Don't ever be a jeweler- it'll ruin you for ANYONE'S jewelry

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nickynicole

I'm recently married, and when we were in the ring shopping stage, I discovered that I had really expensive taste... and it had nothing to do with the size of the diamonds.

The two rings I recall really really liking were $300,000 and $5,000, respectively. The 300k ring was made of three different colored natural "fancy colored" diamonds, which apparently are quite pricey, and the 5k still makes me melt when I see it.

BUT my husband makes me melt way more than a silly ring.

After considering all the options, we decided that the most ethical thing we could come up with was recycling, so we paid $175 for an "estate ring" with a blue sapphire center stone that is close enough to making me melt.

I suppose it's a bit less romantic than being surprised, but I think ring shopping should be a joint venture. This ensures that you are both on the same page about marriage, and that all potential spouses are aware of any moneygrubbing snob tendencies, and/or poor tendencies.

lokijeep

Little story: I was in my bank the other day because I had some financial crap to sort out. I was being helped by this little late 20's girl- she couldn't have been more than 110 pounds; just tiny. Anyway, on her tiny finger was this huge, clear diamond ring- and it was set high enough so it stood out, and light was able to breathe all around it. Diamonds encrusted the entire band. It was utterly ridiculous. I almost felt like I had to comment on it; to tell her how beautiful it was or something... except each time I'd look into her green coloured contacts and her perfectly separated eyelashes, I just figured she already knew.

I'm living with my SO in our house, with our dogs, and have been happily together for 5 years now. My perfect wedding- flying out to Vegas or Niagara Falls and getting married quicky style by Elvis, or even better, some crazy Klingon from ST:NG. Then our families/friends would go out for a nice dinner, and for goodness sake, wear whatever you're comfy in! As for the ring- I wouldn't care if he ripped a tab from a soda pop- I'd proudly wear it... and show people, "See, here's my soda-pop ring!" LOL

pinkie

Mine's a white gold ring with a ruby and diamonds:

shesus

Pinky, that is gorgeous!
I'll take one with an aquamarine in the middle...

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ShaniFaye

Not only did we get good news on the honeymoon, and I got my wedding dress ordered...we also had some extra money come in so I got to order my e-ring as well

Im SO psyched today



it should be here in 10 days

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

shesus

Shani, please stop, you are killing me here.
You are too lucky to have so many things going well for you. Congratulations!

PS Love the ring!

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ShaniFaye

the luck will prob stop tonite...I finally got my MOH to agree to sit down and discuss stuff....after trying for 5 1/2 months!!!! Its gonna take all my willpower not to smack her

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

pinkie

That's very cool! Where are you guys going? (sorry I haven't been following)

ohh_shesus ~ Thank you! True story: The original ring had aquamarine in it!

shesus

That is too funny! I keep telling people I am pyschic.

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raeanna74

I knew some girls at college like that. Roomed with one in fact. She was bragging about it's cost once when I asked why she had to have such a big one. Her theory - if he broke off the engagement she'd have something to show for it. Ug - she was one of those spoiled rich kids who cared nothing for true affection. She only wanted to flaunt the money.

Hubby and I looked at lots so he knew what styles appealed to me. He picked it out and bought it for me and never told me the cost. All I know is that it's not on a credit card that we're still paying for - that matters a lot to me.

My basic criteria for a ring were, simple - not gaudy, short/flat/not sticking out from the finger much - so that it would not catch on things, durable - I haven't taken my ring off for more than a day or two except when I've had surgery or been in the hospital. I wear it in the shower, doing dishes, scrubbing floors, and building things. My ring is not a show of money, it's a show of love and size isn't an indicator of love.

People who brag about cost or size and refuse a ring based on those things make me sick to my stomach. Then again a guy who will go along with that and buy a bigger size/more expensive ring to satisfy her - he deserves what he gets.

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