Thoughts on being called "hon"
 

We just got a wrong number phone call. The guy was polite enough to say sorry, then hung up by saying, "thanks hon." I told Lebell, ending with, "not that he earned the right to call me hon, but he is older so . . . " Lebell said, "hmm, that's interesting, I think of hon as implying a friendliness between male customer and waitress." He doesn't see it as derogatory. I do, as I think it implies an intimacy that is not there.

Lebell went on to say that at the grocery store yesterday they called him by his first name, which bugged him as they didn't know him and didn't have that right. Funny, because when I shop and they address me as, "Mrs. Lebell," I wish they'd call me by my first name. We discussed be called "girl." What are your thoughts on hon? On being called Ms., miss, or Mrs.?

Being called 'hon' absolutely sets my teeth on edge... I can't stand it... Unless you know me well, no terms of endearment please... Sweetie is another one that drives me nuts because I am anything but sweet -- bitter old hag might be more appropriate :)
But hon/hun is used more often than sweetie... and it makes me crazy... I have a name, use it please, if you don't know my name, then well... don't make one up, Miss will do nicely.

Miss/Ms doesnt bother me, Mrs I will blink once or twice but usually am flattered that they actually think I could find someone to marry me...

Being that I work on the phone, all day, everyday...
And I have to remain 'aloof', my customers often let 'terms of endearment' slip.

It usually doesn't bother me - 9 times out of 10 it's an 'older' person whith whom I've just spent an hour trying to explain how to turn their cell phone on. By that point, I think there is a certain level of intimacy that's developed. And even though we'll never meet, it's ok to call me 'hon' or 'sweetie' or (almost) whatever.

The ones that do annoy me are the snotty kids (or even adults) who call in, won't listen to what I say...won't do what I ask them, and say it as an insult when they hang up.

I've been in the call center environment, and seemed to have less issues being called hon by an older female than I did from any male. I personally use it as a term of endearment for those few people especially close to me, and so I am caught off guard when it comes from someone who does NOT share those feelings. Perhaps the hardest thing is they are just words - a couple letters thrown together - but we each have applied different meaning to them, within both social, gender, and our own interpretive contexts.

I definitely feel weirded out by being called "hon." It's kind of like, "...who are you again?" I guess the only exception to this would be older ladies who are just being friendly. Then it gives kind of a warm feeling. If a man calls me "hon" it somehow sounds condescending, like he's going to ask me to make him a cup of coffee next. I'm not sure what the difference is. Terms like that always carch me by surprise, like I somehow walked into a 1950s diner or something. I've never been called any terms of endearment in my relationships, so when strangers do it it's all the more surreal.

As for Miss and Mrs., I guess that would strike me kind of funny also. Especially "Mrs." since I've never been married. A long time ago I used to get telemarketers calling my house who'd ask for "Mrs. Squishor." I'd always tell them "Mrs. Squishor (my father's mother) lives in Illinois" because it annoyed me that they asked in those terms. We have a standard generic term of adress for women, "Ms." so why not use it?

If anyone besides my closest friends call me hon/hun, it throws me back a bit. I don't let most terms of endearment bother me, unless they are used in a demeaning or snotty way. I try to take into account who is saying and the context used.

Last night, my daughter's friend's mother called me Mrs. I think she did it because she did not remember my first name. It sounded weird, even after 11 years of marriage.

I sort of like terms like this. The ladies at work call me things like hon and dear and love. A good friend of mine (who is the queerest straight man ever :D) calls me hon more than he does my name.

I don't usually get weirded out by names. I figure that people don't usually mean much by them, and most often don't even realize what they're calling me.

And to be honest, I tend to use them too... :blush:

This might be the sort of thing that depends on where you live. I'll bet it's considered more normal in some areas than others. You don't hear a whole lot of it around here.

I don't get called hon much, but I do get called ma'am and Mrs.... Er, thanks everyone, I'm 19.... not your grandma. Along with the fact that I'm not married. Though I think I get called ma'am the most in feed stores and other horse related places where I'm dealing with older men who were brought up in big polite western or mid-western ranching families. Thus, they were taught to call women ma'am. I'm not shocked by them calling me ma'am, however when it's a man/woman about my age in the grocery store that does it I usually stand and peer at them until they mutter some sort of apology.

I also have an issue with over use of my name as in those people who use it at the beginning of every sentence. Maybe because my mother has a particular way of yelling it at me across the house, and did alot when I was a child. Or maybe because I feel like people use the names of people they're talking to when they're trying to get more attention and show everyone around them that they really do know who they're talking to. I also equate the fact that I don't like having my name used because the same people who continually use my name can't seem to say "JADE" no no, it's usually Jude, Jane, Jake (er, I have boobs thanks), Jay.... My name isn't that hard. And they don't seem to want to learn, I tell them my name twice and if they can't learn it then it's not worth my time to talk to them.

i don't like to be called hon by anyone who does not know me.,
to me they eiter have to know me well or be A female over the age of 65.

It doesn't bother me horribly, but I do feel less comfortable being called "hon" by a stranger than by my friends.

Kinda' funny that I saw this thread because just a couple days ago, I was at Olive Garden with my parents, and the waitress called my dad 'hon.'

I was raised in the South and called "sweetie" and "hon" by lots of folks, from waitresses to older male co-workers. Since I'm used to hearing this, it's easy to discern if they mean it in a friendly way or not.

The few times I've been offended went beyond just the use of "hon" - there were other indications of condescension in the person's language, tone and body language.

I hate it.

I don't mind it too much, but I guess it has a lot to do with how much patience I have at the moment. I definitely prefer miss, and strangely enough friends who call me by my first name always throw me off a little....

I'd rather be called hon, than M'am, (ugh!!) which I think sounds much worse. It seems to imply you're much older and way less cute than a "hon". (But then, I lived in Texas for 14 years, hence hunnychile). In fact, they're lucky that I quite calling my closer friends "babe". Different strokes for different folks - and states, I guess. It's not such a big deal.

People are too cranky and cold too often these days IMHO! :thumbsup:

You say that like it's a bad thing :) I am cranky and well - - it's gonna be tough t o change that...
:D

"hon" bothers me primarily because it becomes so overused that it basically becomes meaningless, and where i've seen people using it/ it's basically telling the person I don't care enough to find out your real name, and since you are just so ordinary, I am going to call you what I call every other ordinary person... I live in NJ - land of the diner.. with the 90 year old waitress who calls everyone hon because she thinks it will get her a bigger tip.

I wouldn't dream of calling someone I didn't know 'hon'!! It doesn't exactly get on my nerves too much, although a woman I worked with at school who is less than 2 years older than me used that a lot-being in the same age group i felt it to be condescending, but it was her habit.
I also don't care for 'babe' or 'honey' from strangers, either. "ma'am" would be better than those!

I've only had younger people call me 'hon' or 'sweety' or 'darl'... I don't like it. They don't know me, they are sometimes 15yrs my juniour, and as hunnychile mentioned, they are usually condescending in tone or too wrapped up in themselves to even look at my face (or hear my tone of voice on the phone) when they are talking to me.

Older women are different, I don't mind it so much. The greeks have a word "Thea". It's a bit like saying Auntie.. it's more a respect term. I don't think we actually have a term likened to this one? It would be easier if we did...

I had a polite girl serve me the other day.. she called me Ma'am.. I remembered the thread re the Ma'am term, I couldn't for the life of me come up with a better term that she could have used. I was with my SO so she first said Sir, then Ma'am.. in context she was polite and happy to serve us well and with a smile. I couldn't complain...

Interesting comments -- thanks. Now, what about the use of first vs. last name?

It honestly depends... and the context of it... I'm not picky about it too much, but it kinda gets a little irritating if I am in a store, or checking into a hotel (And I RARELY see this in hotels) or somewhere, where I will hand over my credit card, and I will be called by my first name by the 15 year old behind the counter -- ir the 19 year old.. .I'm old enough to be your mother - -I"m also the customer - a little respect please.

I dont look like I am 15 - I am quite clearly an adult... Being called by my first name by someone unless invited to do so just bothers me (and I know that is how I was brought up)

There are people I've known my entire life, friends of my parents, that I absolutely cannot call by their first names, even though I have been invited to do so. My deceased best frieds father, I see occassionally, I cannot call him by his first name - he will always be Mr C to me... even at age 40 - -I'm still a kid to him and kids treat adults wiht respect.

Hotels I'm so used to being addressed professionally, that it raises an eyebrow if I am called by my first name, and it seems out of place.

I get customers calling me names like "hun", "sweetie", "doll" all the time, and it used to bug me like crazy but I just got used to it. It bothers me more that people use my first name. I wear a name tag at work that says "Jenn" but people call me "jenny" and I just snap. I hate that name.

I don’t like it when a store clerk reads the name on my debit card and says, Thank you, Ms. X” - just seems too familiar.

I hate it when I’m introduced to someone (at a party, for example) and they proceed to insert my first name into every sentence they say to me.

And I especially HATE when doctors call me by my first name, but expect me to call them DOCTOR Jones.

But you can call me sweetie or hon if we're in the South :lol:

My hairdresser calls me "hun" I don't mind it.
My orthodontist calls me "hun" and "pumpkin" and weeeelll, that's WEIRDDD!!
I don't know why, maybe because one is 4'11" and trimming my bangs and the other is 5'10" and sticking his hands in my mouth.
"Can ya bite hun?" makes me cringe.

I always get called by my first name. I've never heard Miss. *insertlastnamehere* in my entire life. I think it has to do with age. I'm 18 so no one takes me seriously enough to call me Miss. Anything ;)

:lol: Sounds like he's giving off some "I am a pervert" vibes!

my family's roots are based in the south, and words like "hon" or "sweetie" are commonplace just like "sugar" and "dear" are. i also usually get it from older people and it doesnt bother me at all. the only time it bothers me is when someone's being a shit on the phone and saying sarcastically. then i want to reach through the phone and rip out their voice box.

That strikes me as peculiar... repeating someone's name shows that you're listening and making a real effort to remember them. I do it when I care to remember the people I'm meeting and I almost never remember the people whose names I don't repeat. Words are words. I wish people would stop reading into certain of them so much in situations where the intention is clearly not malicious. Sure, sometimes I'm caught off guard by a "hon" or a "sweetie" from a stranger, but it usually doesn't mean anything more than that the person happens to like using those words a lot. It's not about me and I usually figure that out eventually.

i don't really like it because it makes me uncomfortable. does it matter if the person calling you "hon" is an older male or female though? i think it's equally as weird when females do it.

That's an old memory trick on how to remember someone's name. Supposedly if you use the name three times, you will remember the name.

The intent may not be malicious, but it's also not respectful to the person that is being spoken to. I take some offence at being called a girl, because I am clearly not a girl, I am a grown woman, it's disprespectful. I am not someone's "hon" or "dear" it may just be a word but words do have power -- substitute Yo bitch in there - -bitch is just a word... I might take offence to that unless someone really knew me well. Words are just words, but when you use them for other people, other people's feelings should be taken into consideration.

Caroline, who is a gate agent for American Airlines, in Terminal A in Newark, NJ wears a name tag that says "Oh Miss" on it. First time I saw it I cracked up, then she explained, that is how she is referred to so she might as well have it be her name. Occassionally, I'll hear someone call her "hon", and she'll point to her name tag and say her name is "oh miss" please address her accordingly... After seeing her name tag, it really made me aware of how I address people. I would never use hon, or dear, or even Oh Miss, generally if I want someone's attention who I do not know, a simple excuse me is my introduction.

This kind of bugs me too - I get this feeling like I'm being softened up by a salesperson or something. Too bad the sales and marketing people have had such an impact on our society.

Supple Cow, I respect what you're saying but I believe words are very powerful and can shape the world we live in. They carry meaning, which is why they exist in the first place. Good for you if things like this don't bother you, but they do bother a lot of people. Like for example, someone who habitually refers to women as "hos" - it seems to me there's no way this person could respect women. Maybe I'm wrong but if someone addressed me in those kind of terms I certainly wouldn't answer. I once had a group of guys try to call me up on their porch by whistling like how you'd whistle for a dog - I don't respond to that either.

But mal...
If she's 90 and still a waitress, cut the old woman some slack. I guess it's different living in NJ.

You are allowed to be cranky, it's quite entertaining.. :icare:

I HATE HATE HATE it . . .

I used to be a waitress when i was just starting college and i hated it . . . it imbues a sense of "I'm better than you, and you're serving me, so i'm going to call you Hon to make it all seem okay that i just yelled at you about my toast being too dry" :)

I never let people call me hon... it's offensive in any situation.

Sweetpea

I guess it is context. Usually though, I don't mind the use of my first name in any situation.

Just thinking about it now, it is MY name. My last name is my family's name, so when someone addresses me directly by first name they are talking to me. I'm not merely an extention of my family, or my husband if I were married.

As I don't recall that it's been used to me in a condescending way (any title used that way will get my goat, of course!), I don't mind "hun" at all. As far as I remember, it's only ever been used to me by older folks, and yeah, I admit it softens me right up (not that I'm particularly crusty to start with).

As the occasional gamer, when someone types that into a conversation with me, it makes me think they're an older person.

Don't actually hear it much here, California way.

Have to agree that I *really* dislike it when sales people use my name after I've given them my credit card, but I know that they're probably required to do so by the lame company--I can't imagine it just comes naturally, heh. They might dislike it too, but if that's your job...they very likely don't have the option of not saying it.

It depends a lot on the context.

I expect students to call me Miss Nakamura or Ma'am. If they substitute Mrs. for Miss, that's fine, as I am married, and people of all ages tend to turn Miss into Mrs. without thinking. I sometimes have to break my middle schoolers of the habit of calling me "Dude", which seems to be their universal form of direct address.

Likewise, I'll sometimes get students in my college classes, particularly middle-aged women and male jocks, who want to call me "hon" or "sweetie", despite my making it crystal clear that I am to be addressed as Miss Nakamura. Partly, this is, I think, because in that setting I tend to be assumed to be quite a bit younger than my actual age--most people upon first meeting me assume I'm a traditional student, closer to 20 than to 30. I insist on the formal form of address because I see the familiar as disrespectful in that setting, and often sexist. I doubt that these people are addressing their coaches or the middle-aged and elderly men who make up most of the faculty as "hon", and to do otherwise with me merely because of my apparent age and sex is disrespectful.

Outside of a professional setting, I prefer adults with whom I have an existing casual relationship to call me Gilda, and all others Miss Nakamura.

I address students (regardless of age) and children by their first names. I call adullts [title][lastname] unless I've been invited to use their first name. With service personnel I use "sir" or "ma'am", as I was taught growing up that it's impolite to use familiar terms or a first name with an adult unless you've been invited to do so. The fact that a person is waiting on me doesn't change that he/she is an adult worthy of respect and I am not his/her immediate supervisor.

I agree 100% with this comment! There is nothing worse than being called M'am. :hmm:

I don't mind being called hon but I suppose it depends on both my mood and who it is that is saying it. Normally I don't mind "endearments" from strangers but I think I would get my hackles up if I were called babe or sweetie by someone I didn't know well. That implies some intimacy.

As far as first names and surnames go - I truly don't care. Sometimes it feels too stuffy to be called by my full name. The one thing I do not like is to be addressed by a sales clerk by my first name when I don't know them. That irks me.

can't stand any terms of endearment like hun, sweetie, baby, pumpkin etc from people i don't know well. from close friends and family, acceptable. anyone else--i will kindly introduce myself to you again. keep doing it, i will keep telling you my name.

i work in a hospital, so i get this from patients a lot. and really, it bothers me quite a bit. if i can take the time to learn your name--you can take the time to learn mine. if you forget and can't see that huge badge tacked to my chest, you can simply omit calling me anything or substitute it with ma'am, miss or the dreaded "nurse" if you need to get my attention.

it generally doesn't take more than one or two convos like the following

pt-- "hey sweetie"
me--*smile*"my name is bad jane."
pt--"can you get me a pain pill"
me--"sure mr./ms. whoeveryouare"
pt--"thanks hun"
me--*smile*"my name is bad jane and i'd prefer you to call me that please mr./ms. whoeveryouare"
pt--"oh, that is such a nice name! i have a *insert relative/friend/neighbor/etc* with that name!"
me--"yeah, pretty common name these days"
pt--"well sweetie, if you could get me that pain pill i'd appreciate it"
me--*not smiling*"my name is bad jane."
pt--"oh, i'm sorry bad jane."

Hnmmmmm
I really don't mind being called "hon".
But then again, I rarely run into anyone that calls me that other than friends.
The one that throws me off guard is "M'am".

Cartuni -- one test I have when picking a new doctor, is when they call me by my first name, I respond, "yes, Mark." (Insert appropriate name.) When he/she does not flinch, I know that he/she is an okay doctor. If he/she asks me to call me by their last name, I shop around or ask the same in return.

Lead543 -- tell your Orthodontist, yes I can bite -- then bite him!

As for me, I prefer to be called by my first name. I grew up hearing my parents say, "call me _______, Mr. ________ is my dad." I tend to feel the same way. Although, as a teacher, I am forced to have my students call me by my last name. You'd think I'd be use to it; but with my students I could teach them the correct pronunciation. I can't do that with strangers. (However, it is much easier now that Lebell and I are married and I CHOSE to take his name.)

I call people hon, and I've barely broken the 20s barrier... I never realized people might find it offensive! Thinking about it, I don't do it that often, and not usually with people I don't know.

Girl bothers me more than Hon; honestly, I can't see it being used as non-derogatory in most cases. (The exceptions I can think of are things like 'you go girl!' or other sayings between friends.) If someone I didn't know called me 'girl', I'd be pissed.

I find 'miss' or 'sir' to be my generic "I don't know your name" tag, especially when dealing with customers or older folks (older being anyone older than me!).