Friends for a Lifetime
 

I've noticed that there's something special about friends you grow up with - the ones you can sit around with and talk about anything and other times just hold each other's hands and say nothing for long stretches of time. There's a love and a history between friends like this that is visible on their faces and in their body language. My mom and her childhood friends are this way, even though they have lived far away from each other for years at a time. One has lived far away for 45 years (since they left the Philippines) but they are as close as ever. Another used to live far away, (they didn't speak too often then, but were still friends) and then when she moved to our town, they just picked up like they were schoolgirls again. They go to the movies together every week and hang out and talk on the phone pretty much every day.

This thread has two purposes: one is to ask if anybody has experienced this kind of friendship with someone they met after high school (because I haven't and I'm beginning to wonder if adult relationships just don't develop into this kind of thing); and the other is simply to celebrate the girl friends we keep for a lifetime.

The three that I have are girls I met in junior high - between us, we've been through college in different states and countries, heartbreak, drug addiction, rape, and any number of family crises. We have endured periods of being arch-enemies (for childish reasons), practiced the ancient art of boyfriend-stealing, went the almost inevitable route of kissing each other to experiment, and shared masturbation and sex tips (long before any of us started having sex). Robbie and I only get to hang out about once a year and always catch up on all our sex and music/art for the year and then say good-bye until next time. Nads always forgets my birthday, but is always good to call during a love/sex crisis because she always has a bigger, funnier one to tell me about and we always have a good laugh. Funnel and I are like two, old-lady kindred spirits and call each other often to share our academic and familial strife. I'm confident that we will all still be doing this (and eventually maybe more age appropriate things) on into our golden years.

Now I want to hear all of your stories!

Yes I can definitely relate to this. I have 3 very close girl friends from my school days. Unfortunately life has made it so we're not together most of the time. We all have the same kind of closeness between us. Two of them have moved to England, first to study at uni then to work, and one of them, though strangely she lives in the same city as me, has acquired the worst taste in men, and so I see very little of her.

But it's like you say, we get together and we never run out of things to say, we talk like we were just together yesterday, there's a shared history and closeness that stems from childhood that I don't think you can quite get in adulthood. Maybe because they knew you when you didn't even really know who you were yet, and vice versa.

My only thorn is the friend that lives in the same city, I love her as a person, I can even say that out of all of them she is the sweetest and nicest and most easy to talk to, but she has this boyfriend...it's a really long story. Maybe I'll start another thread for that so I don't hijack this one. I have a feeling many of you have experienced the same...

I have one friend from uni who I can say is the closest I've got to the same sort of relationship as my school friends. I can't tell you why or how. I even remember when we first met we sort of clashed. We both have strong personalities. I think me may have become close friends because she was from another part of the country, and lived in the same suburb as me, on her own. Maybe because she was lonely, and I suppose I was too (uni was not fun for me), we really bonded. Now she's pregnant and I was one of the first people to hear about it. I can have the long silences with her too. It's not quite school friends, but it's almost. She's also a very genuine and honest person, and I think that goes a long way to establish that kind of closeness.
The problem with being more adult and trying to make friends, IMO, is that there is that whole grown-up and protecting myself thing facade people have going on, before they will open up to you. You're much more vulnerable, less-established and open when you're young.

Well that's my story. :)

Well, I don't know if Supple Cow meant girl friends only. I never kept up with any of them but I do have two amazingly close guy friends; closer than I will ever be with a girl, I think. So these are those stories.
The first one, I met my first day of Kindergarten. I don't remember that actual day but I am told by my mom that I came home and talked about this little boy I had met. We hung out growing up but didn't become really, secret-sharing close until high school. Freshman year, we began to hang out every day, talk endlessly about everything. We went to different universities for the first two years until he transferred to my uni. We now have inside jokes, can tell each other the same stories and still laugh, and pick on each other playfully. He will always be in my life and he is my best friend.
The second one, I met my first year in university. We became fast friends, and dated for a year. We broke it off when it was clear that we were friends but not romantic ones. We have become closer now than we were when we were dating. We aren't as close as the first one, but he is still amazing. We all are only in our twenties and haven't had marriages, kids, or mortgages in our lives yet but when we do, these two will be my champion and I will be both of theirs.

I had a friend in elemetary school that was my best friend, but we sort of turned into off/on during high school. Then after we graduated we both went totally different directions (including her getting progressively worse boyfriends), so we don't even talk anymore. It's probably been over a year since we talked, and if we did get together I doubt we'd have anything to talk about.
I generally have a lot of aquaintances, but not a lot of really good friends. My boyfriend is probably my best friend right now. I consider Onesnowowl a good friend. I always feel wierd labeling people as friends, like I'm scared they may not reciprocate the feeling. :(
eh, anyways...I've never really had someone I thought would be a best friend forever! or anything.

I do have an example of that sort of good friend who I met as an adult. She got hired at the place where I worked when I was 26 and she was 16. At first I was a little jealous because she seemed to be the boss's favorite (he used to bring her sushi on her shifts) but pretty soon we established a friendship and that didn't matter. Within a year, we were best friends, inseparable, and were also lovers off and on for a time. Eventually we lived together for a couple of years...then she moved to Hawaii and is now all settled down there with a husband and family. It's been over 10 years now since she left, and through a series of circumstances too involved to get into here, I've lost touch with her various times, only to find her again and re-establish our friendship. And each time it's been like we never stopped talking, we immediately have that spark, almost a fascination with each other and deep love and affection. I miss her so much - she might be visiting in July! :D

I have been best friends with my best friend for 10 years and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her (and her for me). I usually enter into relationships with the intent of making you my friend for life. I don't make causual acquaintances, therefore if I tell you anything that is remotely personal about me, my intent is that you will be my friend for life. My friends are my family and I don't know what I'd do without them.

I've had three good girlfriends... two of them did me wrong = lost out. The first went back to late grade school and she deserted me during my time of ultimate crisis. The second, a bosom buddy from high school, forced me into a decision of conscience which she lost.
I am a proud part of a great clic at work, four of us, and I feel like I'm back in highschool - they make going to work worthwhile.

I had a friend that I thought was a friend for a lifetime. She moved away when I was in the 3rd grade. I was so devastated. We tried to keep in touch, but ended up going our separate ways. I have never really had a friend that would fall into the friend for a lifetime since then. I have a few online friends that I can tell anything to, and I am always hoping they will be there forever.

Not me.. The closest to long time girlfriends I have are you gals, and I don't even know you all. I had a best friend from grade 7 + but we drifted apart because we are so opposite (I'm quiet and into my studies, she's loud and into partying) and that was that.

Oh, this thread depresses me. Like Lindsay, I've always *wanted* a best friend, but I haven't ever really had one, and I also always worry that they don't really like me as much. Quadro is certainly my closest friend and all, but he's my husband, it's just different. He has a best friend or three...
I make friends pretty easily, and I'm a very open person. I have lots of good friends (most of them due to my husband...another thing for me to be insecure about) But I've never had that friend you can always call. I have friends from college that I stay in touch with pretty regularly and we can always chat, and I miss them, but it doesn't feel the same. They don't really need me, but they do like me.
I actually daydream about having that kind of friend.
Good gods, I'm depressed now. :D

That's actually the best kind of friend to have, that wants to spend time with you because they like you and not because they need or want anything...

I have an assortment of needy friends in my life who only call when they want or need something. Being needed is way overrated because the person doesn't like you for yourself... It's always all about them, and what you can do for them. Enjoy being liked.

I just meant that they're not going to be upset if they don't talk to me regularly, or if I kind of fell off the face of the planet, they wouldn't notice - that kind of need, as in 'need to have that kind of friend around'. But they like me well enough.

I'll bet somebody you know would notice. I obviously don't know your friends, but there are probably at least one or two of them that would really care... and you might not figure out who they are until a little more of life passes you by. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better. The beauty of the friendship I have with these women is that it took years and a lot of experience together to build. I didn't consider Robbie this kind of friend for a long time, not until fairly recently. It definitely goes in waves. I think what I'm mostly noticing is the depth of the connection in a friendship like this; it's not just about a friend I can always call. (Besides, I really can't always call them.)

I have some 'good friends' and aquaintences, but I have never met a 'best friend'. The closest people that appreciates me for who I am would be my SO, and a male friend through phone contact, although he has mentioned at various times that I am lucky that distance is in the way there ;).

I had 3 best friends in high school and after we graduated we stayed in touch but as the year went by we lost touch. I think that the distance was a factor becuase i moved away for school. My boyfriend is now my best friend and i love him, but i do sometimes wish that i had a girlfriend to talk to. :(

My best female friend has lived across the road from me since I was two. We don't talk as often anymore, but I still love her, and we get along exceptionally well.

I don't think I'm old enough for a not from highschool close friend. At least, I didn't find anyone particularly wonderful in first year.

This thread depresses me too. I'm pretty friendless right now. I tend to make friends through work, and I've yet to become close to anyone I work with...after over a year of working there. I had several good friends in North Carolina that I really don't keep in contact with anymore, which really has bummed me out. None of them have email and I've lost all their phone numbers...

I had a close friend from high school but we've kind of grown apart in the past few years. She is probably my closest thing to a lifelong friend.

Grace, my wife, is my best friend, and I'm very close with my sister. Outside of my immediate family, I have only two female friends, one of our tenants and my online girlfriend.

I don't have any friends left from my school days, because I went a little wild in high school and alienated all of the girls I knew from when I was younger. I have a few casual aquaintances at school, but none I'd really call friends. Mostly I hang out with guys when I'm not with my family; I'm the token girl, kinda like a nerd version of Seinfeld.

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Well, SC, I think we're about to hijack the thread. You can beat me up later, right? right?? hm.
Mrs. B - call it what you will, you're just having a rough phase. It's very hard to not have regular friends to just plain bitch to, whether it's about important things or not. For venting, try the journaling section - it feels pretty good, and people are amazing about responding - which also feels good. As for the new girl, I can understand feeling sensitive about the time. I'm never jealous about Quadro's physical affection, just his time and emotion sometimes. She probably does have a thing for him. Hell, she's probably far more lonely than you. But clearly, you need some chatting about this.
So post a new thread either in the Ladies' Lounge or maybe Living, and we will be all over that. I've only been here a few weeks, but let me tell you - you have found a community of amazing people. Post that thread, and get some venting done, and get some outside perspective. We are here, and clearly we enjoy helping.
There's hope and a lot more for you.

You can count on it. ;)

Mrs. B - even a person you meet today could be a friend for the rest of your life... or just somebody who can be there for you when you're going through a rough spell. It's mostly a matter of reaching out when you need it. You're definitely starting in the right place here at the TFP. Maybe when I come back to LA this summer, I'll spearhead the next great TFP meet-up and we can all make some new friends.

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