ironmaiden7o7

Hello Ladies,
I'd like to take this time to say that having this opportunity is the best thing on earth, having this comfort and this freedom to post a thread infested with feelings and truth means more to me than anything and I would like to thank all of you in advance.

Nancy

Of course it is! I can't believe he hasn't proposed when he seems to be so excited about the idea of marriage. If it's due to his statement about that everything has to be perfect before you get engaged then you have to make him elaborate that statement. I mean when will everything be perfect according to him? If you knew then you could speed things up a bit by doing/changing whatever it is that he feels that needs to be done/changed or whatever in order for everything to be perfect for him to propose.

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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

superredhead

perhaps he's insecure about his financial situation? maybe he wants to be able to provide for you and possibly a family in the future. maybe he wants to do it traditionally? you know, ask your father for your hand or something to that extent. talk to him about what's holding him back. he may have some extremely altruistic reasons or perhaps he's just not ready. talking to him will help you better understand his reasons for not popping the question and also might provide more insight into the way he feels about you and your future together. relationships are all about communcation, and if you dont have that, how happy can your future be?

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*yawn*

maleficent

These few statements alone say a whole lot.

Y'all had a fight, and you left the relationship. Did you both work out what the fight was about... if I were him, this would be weighing in the back of my head -- when the going got tough... the tough got going. Now the fight may have been completely his fault, and you were right to leave.. but you came back, so it couldn't have been that bad.

Perfection only exists in a vacuum, and if he's waiting for the perfect time to get engaged, it will never happen. But, you also want it to be the best possible time for both of you. If you are both still in school, or paying off huge amounts of student loans, it's probably not the best time. If you are both unemployed, it's probably not the best time.

You say that the past year has been great, but only a few months ago, you ended the relationship, why the rush to get engaged?

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amonkie

Knowing the guys I do who thought it was THE best/perfect idea to propose on Valentine's or another holdiay. That holiday is just around the corner. However, why is it so important to be engaged NOW? Are you looking for confirmation of his feelings for you by doing this?

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ShaniFaye

Maybe he needs/needed (is its almost v-day) time to save money for a ring....unfortunately too many people think you cant get engaged without the "e-ring"

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greeneyes

From a thread in Coming Together dated 02-09-2005:

A lot of good advice as been given here, but the best advice is some that you gave to another woman in your position, and you posted that ten minutes before you started this thread! I know it is tough to wait and be patient, I'm playing the hope and wait game myself. But as much as I want him to propose, I want him to want it as well and not do it just because he knows I'm waiting.

So take your own advice, work on the minor things in your relationship, love him and support him, and one day he will be ready.

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So you don't feel a thing

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KinkyKiwi

whenever he finally asks it will be perfect..it may not be what ether of you had in mind ..but its just needs to feel right in that exact moment...you love him. why not just enjoy the time you spend together and know that when it happens it will be just right.

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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

*Nikki*

A man is not going to ask until he is 100% ready.

The thing about it is though, you can't tell him he is ready. HE has to decide this.

Manuel Hong

It really sounds like you two need to communicate more. He's the one who has the answers to your questions. If you don't get a proposal on Vday, then really discuss all the aspects of the relationship that concern you. If you do get the proposal, then really discuss all the aspects of the relationship that concern you. After 4 years, you two should be able to communicate well! If you can't...it's time to start.

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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

Sweetpea

that was my thought . . . maybe he is saving up for one??

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sexymama

Ask him if you are so anxious! This is 2005 after all.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

BlueBongo

Yeah.. I would say ask him. If being married to him is what you want.. go for it. Good luck!

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."

ironmaiden7o7

Thanks to everyone for the great advice. To answer some of the questions, it's not like I'm sitting here, waiting for him to propose to me, I am confident in our relationship, I know that I want to be married to him and I am convinced that he wants to be married to me also ... There are no doubts in my mind about him not wanting this as much as I do. But the things is, we already know that we will be married in the future, why not take it a step further? I asked for advice here because I don't want to overwhelm him with any marital questions, I want to let him breathe, and when he is ready, he will do it, but in the meanwhile, I want to know why wait for when everything is perfect when nothing is really perfect? :-) Thanks again for all the great replies. You guys are the best!