:::OshnSoul:::

Lately I've been struggling between the only person I've ever loved leaving me and trying to replace her. Over the past month or two I've relised that replacing her is not an option but I still want to know why guys like me have never been that lucky.

I was always at the top of my class in highschool, co-president senior year, popular from football and everyone knew me. Girls loved me but I could never find a girl that was intrested in that way. I'm a fairly good looking guy and I always have something to say.

So why is it that I never had many dates, why are the nice guys the last ones looked at before the good looking ones who happen to be assholes. I'm not saying that all women are shallow and I'm quite confident that I'm one of a very few men to think with his head and not his penis. Still... why? This is a somewhat confusing PM but lately I've felt kind of jaded by highschool and the way I was the "Nice Guy".

Do you think the lovely ladies at the lounge could help me out.

-PMF21

maleficent

There are a lot of women out there, for lack of a better term, are professional victims. They aren't happy unless there's some drama going on in their life. They like the drama because it gives them attention. (I have known way too many women like this, men too actually)

Nice guys don't have that drama, they are there, they are solid, they do the right thing, except for leaving the toilet seat up, they don't do anything wrong, so therefore, there's no drama.

As women get older, they realize that the drama gets really old, and that the nice guys are where it's at, only the nice guys have had it drummed into their heads that it's drama that's good, so they've changed their ways.... no more nice guys.

My advice to him is, don't lose who he is for a woman. Still be nice, but don't let him be taken advantage of. Not having a woman in his life is not the end of the world, and as much as I am going to sound like his mother, the right woman will come along and appreciate him for who he is.

Does he really want these women who want the bad boys. Who don't mind being treated badly? These women are not going to be around for the long haul, the sex might be ok for the time being, but I seriously doubt emotional needs will be met.

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Redgirl

There are a lot of women who require "project men". They want the guys who they think need them the most. Usually that is a guy with some kind of problem and it gives them kind of an ego boost to think this guy needs them desperately .

I guess it's part of most women's psyche to nurture and this subconsciously drives them to guys with issues. I did this one time, figured out that's what I was doing, then went and found a nice guy! For some women it takes more than the one time before they figure it out. So don't give up!

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Rubyee

I am not exactly sure why some girls go for the assholes and not for the nice guys. Personally, I have always looked for the nice guy- smart, kind, funny, and then I go for looks.

I think it depends on where a girl is in her life- whether she wants a long term/possible husband relationship or a short term/trophy boy kind of fling. I think that in the long term, a nice guy is the sort of thing they want, but in the short term, they want a badass that will impress their friends (though I have never been impressed by that kind of man).

I guess what I am trying to say, in a roundabout way, is that you don't want the kind of girl that is looking for the badass right now. You may not see a lot of women that want the nice guy, but they will come out of the wood work sooner or later, and you will be much happier with them than you would with the other type of girl.

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You don't know from fun.

Luki

I agree, a have a friend how is not happy unless she is misserable.

I feel somewhat bad in this particular category, a friend of mine(11years and counting) has asked me a few times to date him, but for some reason I cannot. I cannot see him in this manor and it may be that's your problem as well.

To be honest I find it hard to date someone who in appearance is perfect. I gotta know that the person has his own flaws. Nothing severe, just that he does believe himself to be a "super" person. It's strange, kinda like seeing that someone is so nice and sweet, and all they want to do is be with you... and on and on.. then it feels like there's some kind of catch in there. I once dated someone who seemed like this and the catch surfaced after a month or so of dating.

Things like that are hard to explain, don't change yourself, but realize that this persona of Mr. Nice-guy or Mr. Perfect isn't exactly what all women are looking for.

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Your part is silent you little toad - a line from the new phantom of the opera

feedthekittee

when you say, "nice guy", i hope that means honest, generous, grounded, and thoughtful.

what i hope that does NOT mean: passive, accomodating, unimaginitive, and apologetic.

for your sake, i would check these points. no one who's worth their salt will stand for a doormat. i sincerely hope this is not the case with you. if you can defend your opinion, stand your ground and compromise with equity, and you're still struggling to maintain a relationship or even a steady social calendar ...

start dating older women.

kellys

I agree with what the previous posters said about some girls wanting drama... many of my friends were this way... I think it is something that goes away for most women as they get older, so try to be patient.

I had the female equivilent of your problem - I was the nice girl that guys wanted to marry, not date, so I had the worst time dating when I was younger, until I found a guy who was ready to take the chance. Not that I wanted to marry anyone, just seems that I was perceived that way.

Finding the right person is always hard, but the best you can do is keep trying, eventually you will find the person that is the other half to you (okay, I'm a hopeless romantic - is there any other kind?)...

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Quiet people are well able to look after themselves - Irish Proverb

maleficent

Unfortunately, for some women, it doesn't, and by the time women reach a certain age, the guys just expect it and don't even try to be nice -- they've been worn down I guess.

I have a colleague who's a few years older than I am (she's 44) and she is a drama queen to the 'nth degree, and very high maintenance too, she pines over the guys that treated her badly and dumped her and wonders what's wrong with and pretty much picks apart the nice guys that do come her way.

Sadly, I think it's once a drama queen, always a drama queen.

I'd like to beleive the right person is out there for everyone, however.... all a person can do is be themselves and accept that other person for who they are and not try to change them.

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ally

I have to admit that i am one of those that likes the asshole.
I dont think girls necessarily want a bad guy though. we just want an interesting guy.
next time you ask a girl on a date pick an inteligent one take her to dinner and talk to her about something controversial.
we don't like to be sweet talked all of the time. It makes the sweet moments less spectacular
She'll come back, if only to finish the argument...