Dating/breakup Q from a male member - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

SiN · 02-06-2004, 01:38 PM

Hello Ladies!

I recieved a PM today from one of our male members who is interested in getting a female perspective on a problem:

Quote:

Comparing notes with other guys, many have been through the situation of chat, dates, intimacy, and reach the sudden there's another guy that I used to see who is back in the picture kissoff message. After making an emotional investment in a relationship, this sort of treatment hurts, terribly. Speaking only for myself, I'm well-groomed, intelligent, courteous, and friendly. Never having treated a lady in this fashion, I'm at a loss to understand why women behave as such.

Good question, methinks.

I've never done it, once I'm done with a guy I don't go back to him...

But, have any of you ever been in such a situation, and/or can any of you offer any insight/explanation?

Thanks

PorscheBunny · 02-06-2004, 06:57 PM

I've had only person, male or female, that I would consider re-starting a relationship with, a good portion of which has to do with our daughter ( http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=42662 ).

Anyone who gives you that kind of kiss-off is too immature for a real relationship. Count yourself lucky that you got to find out before the wedding and any children, when undoing a relationship gets truly expensive physically, mentally, emotionally, and monetarily. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NEVER LET THAT BITCH BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.

Hope this helps.

cheerios · 02-06-2004, 10:13 PM

^--- what she said (except that part about having a kid, and alll)

sillygirl · 02-08-2004, 12:32 PM

:shakeshead: I don't understand women. That's probably one of the shittiest things a girl can do. And I agree with PB.

teriaki · 02-11-2004, 03:32 PM

I've told that to a couple of guys who I didn't really have any *reason* to not want to date, only that I was in a weird headspace, or didn't want to tell them the real reason (usually something sensitive in nature, that no man wants to hear he doesn't measure up to).

It was easier to lay the blame on a fictional ex-flame than it was to just say what was really going on.

I don't necessarily think it was right, but I'd rather have the guy thinking I was a daft bitch rather than be the cause of ego bruising or animosity.

pinklily · 02-16-2004, 01:01 PM

I've done that exact thing to a guy once, and, even though we are still friends, I've felt bad about it since it happened. The guy I got back together with ended up being a real jerk, and I still haven't been able to bring myself to talk to the guy I broke up with, even though I wish we could sort everything out. It feels like a huge wall between us now.

Ladyhawke · 02-17-2004, 07:11 AM

Well...the grass is always greener somewhere else...But as my hubby says.."It may be greener...but is it better for you?"

and as his is sister always saying..."All men are 3 things...1 clueless...2 pigs...or 3 clueless pigs"

I would agree with PB "FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NEVER LET THAT BITCH BACK INTO YOUR LIFE."

Litespeed · 02-18-2004, 12:59 PM

Yes. It's heartless. Emotional investment is something that both must hold no reservations over if things are to work.

But I have experienced this kind of a situation. In all sincerity I need to ask our friend if he was at all manipulative or abusive towards the woman who left him. If he was good to her with all of his heart, then there is no justification for her behavior.

Several years ago I walked out of a relationship because a dear friend of mine pulled me far enough away from it to see the manipulation that was everywhere. I could not see it myself. He helped me piece back together my life and a few months later we were more than friends.

I don't see her actions as noble as mine were, honestly. The fact that you are so confused over this happening is enough to convince me that you are a good man.

Pick up the pieces and start again. I wish you the best.

02-06-2004, 06:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
PorscheBunny Insane	I've had only person, male or female, that I would consider re-starting a relationship with, a good portion of which has to do with our daughter ( http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=42662 ). Anyone who gives you that kind of kiss-off is too immature for a real relationship. Count yourself lucky that you got to find out before the wedding and any children, when undoing a relationship gets truly expensive physically, mentally, emotionally, and monetarily. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NEVER LET THAT BITCH BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. Hope this helps. __________________ This post has been sanitized for your protection by the Ministry of Information of Oceania.

02-08-2004, 12:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	:shakeshead: I don't understand women. That's probably one of the shittiest things a girl can do. And I agree with PB. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

02-11-2004, 03:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
teriaki Tilted Location: San Francisco	I've told that to a couple of guys who I didn't really have any reason to not want to date, only that I was in a weird headspace, or didn't want to tell them the real reason (usually something sensitive in nature, that no man wants to hear he doesn't measure up to). It was easier to lay the blame on a fictional ex-flame than it was to just say what was really going on. I don't necessarily think it was right, but I'd rather have the guy thinking I was a daft bitch rather than be the cause of ego bruising or animosity. __________________ Cute, but useless.

02-17-2004, 07:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
Ladyhawke Crazy Location: Dallas	Well...the grass is always greener somewhere else...But as my hubby says.."It may be greener...but is it better for you?" and as his is sister always saying..."All men are 3 things...1 clueless...2 pigs...or 3 clueless pigs" I would agree with PB "FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NEVER LET THAT BITCH BACK INTO YOUR LIFE." __________________ Whatever

02-06-2004, 10:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	^--- what she said (except that part about having a kid, and alll)

02-16-2004, 01:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
pinklily Crazy	I've done that exact thing to a guy once, and, even though we are still friends, I've felt bad about it since it happened. The guy I got back together with ended up being a real jerk, and I still haven't been able to bring myself to talk to the guy I broke up with, even though I wish we could sort everything out. It feels like a huge wall between us now.

02-18-2004, 12:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
Litespeed Loser Location: Thousand Oaks, CA	Yes. It's heartless. Emotional investment is something that both must hold no reservations over if things are to work. But I have experienced this kind of a situation. In all sincerity I need to ask our friend if he was at all manipulative or abusive towards the woman who left him. If he was good to her with all of his heart, then there is no justification for her behavior. Several years ago I walked out of a relationship because a dear friend of mine pulled me far enough away from it to see the manipulation that was everywhere. I could not see it myself. He helped me piece back together my life and a few months later we were more than friends. I don't see her actions as noble as mine were, honestly. The fact that you are so confused over this happening is enough to convince me that you are a good man. Pick up the pieces and start again. I wish you the best.