Need some help...so heart broken
 

So last Tuesday, I met my online b/f for the first time. We have been talking for 7 months, and FINALLY got the chance to be together (he lives in Illinois, and I love in Alberta). Everything was perfect......I loved every moment I spent with him, and I know he feels the same. It is safe to say- that after all the time we spent getting to know each other, that we are very much in love. We lost our virginity's to each other, and his entire trip to see me was very special. Now, a week later I have just dropped him off at the airport. Walking away at the airport was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I am so devestated. I cant stand to be in my room without him here. I am such a mess.... I cant bring myself to stop crying. I want to be with him, and its so hard that just when I had him and everything I ever wanted.... I had to let it go. Sorry for the post...... I guess I am just feeling really really low, and I am looking for some comfort. Thanks girls.

Hugs, babe. But at least you know he cares for you

Hey, I'm from Alberta too. Wicked.

I bet as soon as he got on that plane, he was planning his trip back. There can always been subsequent visits.

I hope everything works out for you sweetie.

Well, I wish I were in Alberta!

If you both really care for eachother, work on getting to the same area. One of you will have to move...

Yeah, - I am going to visit him in a month.....but at this moment, a month feels soooo far away :(. He has actually mentioned moving here. We want to get the ball rolling right away. I have been trying to look up info on exactly what he would require to work and live here...but it is sooo confusing. I just want him near me so bad.....

Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all...

I went through the exact same thing a little while back. I know it's hard, but you'll make it...ur tough! You can PM if you wanna talk anytime.

I know what you are going through. My fiance and I live 800 miles apart (I m in ONT CAN, and hes in Columbia TN). We only ever met 4 times in real life but we knew in our hearts there was something more, and that feeling was just incredible. I can tell you from experience that visiting back and forth is truly amazing and I know that each time we fall in love with each other just that much more. But it does have its down side of hurting when the other has to leave knowing that it will be a few months before having the chance to see each other again. Though webcams and lots of pictures help as well ( hey hun I know you will most likely read this HINT HINT). We miss each other like crazy and I do break down from time to time. But I know its all worth it.

Yes, it is definitly better to have loved and lost. I wouldnt trade the time I spent with him for anything. Thanks to you all for your advice and support. And Yalaynia, thanks for sharing your story. It is encouraging to know that it CAN work.. and that there is other people out there in my position

Yea, i get what you're feeling.
Be happy it's only a month

My boyfriend and I started out long distance because of his job. It all worked out in the end.

If you both really love each other then distance will not break that.

I hate to be the sound of reason in such a touching story...But Girl...you need to learn how to be happy with yourself...before you can be truly be happy with someone else

That means if he's there or not....your love for each other is enough to see you through till the next visit...trust me sweetie...this is something I really know about...my hubby is hardly ever aroiund anymore...and even when he is...he's to drained to much of anything but sleep

So..I feel for you...But true happniess lies within yourself..and has my husband once said...if you have someone in your heart...they are always by yourside

I know where you're coming from. When ratbastid and I were in college we spent most of our summers apart, and it was so painful to just long for this person and be unable to be with them. But know that you'll see each other again soon. Give yourself a few more days to mope, and then find something to be excited about and look forward to for yourself - get a project to focus on. Ladyhawke's advice is good - be happy with yourself, by yourself. Let the knowledge that there's this person who loves you and will be with you soon be a GOOD thing, instead of a sad thing because he's not with you right this minute.

I think these are very wise words.

I cannot speak from experience as I have never been involved in a long distance relationship but I can understand how hard it would be to be seperated by distance and time the way you are. But view it as only a temporary thing, for it sounds like that is what it is. Be thankful for the time that you do get to be with him....enjoy it and hold it close to your heart until the next time.

I wish you all the best! From one Alberta girl to another! ;)

You always desire what you don't have.......
but there is no rush, there is what you have that is beautiful- don't try to speed things up or take for granted what you already have with him. Time will tell- take it slow and embrace every moment.

With my fiance (that has such a nice ring to it!) so far away, I know how you feel. I cried -- did I say cry? No, I bawled the day he left to go home. We talk on the phone once or twice every day. We miss each other terribly. I told him, though, that what keeps me going is knowing that once 5 months is over, we have the rest of our lives together.

Patience, communication, and belief in what you have can really help. I know it is easier said then done, no matter how good you feel about yourself; but you can do this!

I am happy with myself. That is not the issue. Its just that this is the first time that I have ever been in love, and I just feel like we waited sooo long to finally get to meet in person and get our chance to be together.... and then he had to go to soon. I guess I am a little overwhelmed by my feelings for him and how much i missed him and wanted him here. I am still sad, but today is definitly better. We have talked a few times already, and what I am haning on to and looking forward to is my trip to see him in Feb.
Thanks girls, for all of your advice

just think about the future... it'll be ok :)

ok, firstly i've got to somewhat echo what Ladyhawke said - you need to be secure in yourself first, no matter what.
there's just something in your tone that makes me a bit nervous...
but that's for you to think about on your own ;)
perhaps it's just that you're younger than i - not jaded or bitter or cautious yet ;)


and in general, i want to add to the encouragement - such relationships *can* work, you just need a shitload of patience and determination.

example - me + bf -
met online April 2002. fell in 'love' online. met IRL in July 2002. hhe lost his virginity to me. we were together until sept 12, 2002. then he went back to germany, and i stayed in minnesota. until Dec 17, 2002 when i got on a one-way plane to move to germany to be with him.
over a year later, i still think that was one of the best thigs/decisions that ever happened to me.

so, it CAN work.
just, be mature, be smart, be careful with your expectations. but if things feel truly right in your heart and soul, be willing to make sacrifices so you can be together. be patient, but keep the fires burning.

i wish you the best of luck, and i/we are here for you if you need more advise/support.

:icare:

*oops, guys don't post in the LL*

You sound like you are very young and if you have never been in love like that before, you should enjoy the time you had and will have again and stay busy doin' things of value for your own self esteem, strength and heart. If it's meant to be - have faith that it will be. Don't waste time worrying because life is so short. If you appear too needy and clingy he'll run the other way because all men hate that.

Unless he's really needy too :)

Be strong and feel free, sister girlfriend.
Peace & Love.

been there, done that...2X and it's tough..but if it's worth it and it sounds like it is, you'll get thru it and have a wonderful life together....remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder....

sIn & ladyhawke gave you great advice. you said you are happy with yourself and by yourself but it's just the first time you've been in love.
i dated a guy in my first year of college who was 6 hours away from me, & neither of us had cars, so it was similar to your situation. i simply had to fill my time up with things i loved to do--even just being with my close friends and staying occupied. after i learned this i felt genuinely happier and healthier, and all the more satisfied with life. i became incredibly independent, &when we visited e/o, it was 10 times as wonderful b/c of how overall content i was & he could see that. this made him love me even more!! :)
it was DEFNITELY awful to be away from him, but just keep communicating w/ each other and do all you can to see each other and find out if it will work. until then, go out with the girls--and tell them all about your boy!! that will make you feel closer to him too. good luck girl!

I cant tell you how to feel better about it, but maybe I can show you it could be worse and that you WILL be able to deal with it.


I met my last "relationship" guy in 1999...I lived in atlanta, he lived in new zealand...10k miles away (give or take) We met for the first time in june (6 months later) when he came over for our birthdays (which we shared the same exact bday) and spent a month...I stopped eating for days when he went home and oh boy did I cry. This went on for 3 years, I saw him once a year for a month, the rest of the time it was only online and telephone calls.

now....just be glad you dont have to wait THAT long

chin up hon, it WILL get better